Quick life update

hiiiiiii everyone, long time no see! Thanks to all of you who left messages or emails checking that everything is OK because of my lack of posting recently. Everything is fine, i've just been super busy getting ready for the wedding and keeping Poppy out of trouble now she is walking and making sure some of my little ones at work are all prepared for their move to school in September! But i'm in a really good place at the moment, feeling relaxed and happy and contented and excited all at once, and enjoying the lovely hot weather we've been having recently, and spending lots of time with Sir and Poppy (and as much time with flame as i can) - so if anything the lack of blogging shows that things are more than OK :)

All the arrangements are pretty much in place for the wedding now - i've had my final dress fitting and so have my bridesmaids, Poppy had hers yesterday and she looked soooooo pretty, and i had a hair and make-up trial yesterday too and it looked fantastic :) Sir is picking up all the suits next weekend, then our butterflies get delivered the weekend after (we're doing a butterfly release after the ceremony and you got to look after them for a week beforehand), then the weekend after is the actual day! i can't believe it's come round so quickly, but i'm more than ready to be Sir's wife now, i've even been practicing my new signature! After the wedding me and Sir and Poppy are spending the night in a gorgeous country hotel nearby then we have a few nights at home before our honeymoon which is a cruise round the Mediterranean visiting 8 ports in 6 countries in 16 days!

Got to go now cos Poppy is raring to get into the garden and splash around in her paddling pool to enjoy the glorious sunshine again. But i'll try and pop back on later and write a post all about my training with Ma'am and how we have moved onto humiliation training recently. See you then!

libby

xxxxx

Ohhhh i forgot to say that while we're on honeymoon we're having the builders in our house to convert the garage into a dining room with French windows which open onto the garden and a study area for Sir, so that His study upstairs can be converted back into a bedroom and the dining room inside can become Poppy's play room. Sir has arranged for people to come in and check on the builders while we're away, so that by the time we get back it should be all finished! Very excited :)

Orgasm meme

Jumping on the bandwagon and filling out that orgasm meme which is going round the blogs, not because i particularly want to but because Sir told me to. So here goes....

1. What’s your favourite way to have an orgasm?
with Sir taking me up the ass, it makes me feel so dirty and naughty, and also i get all shivery afterwards, it's just a great feeling (oh and i get to enjoy the feel of His cum dripping slowly out of me for a while after which just makes me grin). Used to be that Sir had to provide/let me have some kind of clitty stimulation in this position to cum but now i can cum just from the anal alone.

2. Do you use a sex toy? Hands? or both?
When i'm masturbating? Depends on what Sir has ordered me to use because i'm not allowed to touch myself without Him telling me to.

3. Do you have a favourite time of day or night that you like to pleasure yourself or have sex?

Any time is good for me, but i prefer either first thing in the morning when i'm just waking up (so long as we got time to snuggle for a little while after) or last thing at night so then we can curl up together and drift off to sleep. But now we've got Poppy we have to take our chances when they come!

4. Do you feel you have different types of orgasms?

*Nods*, i sure do and i love every single one of them.

5. Do you have a position or a technique that always guarantees an orgasm?

Pretty much any time Sir's cock is in me (except my mouth) means i can cum, whether or not He will allow me to is a different question entirely.

6. Is having your clit directly stimulated pleasurable for you? What about after an orgasm?

Yes and then no. Clitty stimulation with fingers or tongue or a vibe is greattttttttt except for just after i cum, when it is too sensitive for me. Of course Sir knows this and sometimes He will carry on touching it/ licking it/ holding a vibe to it on purpose just to see me squirm and squeal.

7. Do you masturbate/pleasure yourself?

Not very often because i can only do this when Sir tells me to (He always watches) and that's not often.

8. Has your self pleasuring repertoire/routine/technique changed or evolved over time?

Well i never used to own a vibe so that part has changed, but the rest is pretty much the same.

9. Are sex toys part of your self pleasuring or with a partner? Or both?

Both, but again all at Sir's desire.

10. If you enjoy using sex toys how often do you upgrade your equipment?

So far we've only had one vibe conk out on us and need to be replaced, but then we don't use them that often.

11. Whats the most intense orgasm you have ever had?

Can't think of a specific one, because there have been many many many super intense ones with Sir. i guess the most intense ones are when there's been bondage and pain mixed in with the pleasure because that makes me go all drifty and floaty and not really aware of where i am for a while afterwards, and leaves me with a lovely tingly feeling for a couple of hours.

12. How often do you orgasm?
As often as Sir permits me to, but i am quite lucky in this respect because so long as i am trying hard with my training and keeping to all my rules Sir is generous with my orgasms, so usually a few times a week.

13. Do you regard orgasm to be a stress reliever?
Yes :)

14. What happens to you after orgasm? Full of energy, a bit lala or ready to go to sleep?

Can't ever remember being full of energy after an orgasm, i'm usually a bit drowsy, very relaxed, very docile and tactile, wanting skin to skin contact with someone (usually Sir), needing to just be quiet and still for a while, sometimes out of it and a bit floaty.

15. Have you ever squirted?

Yes, certain positions when Sir is inside me cause me to squirt.

16. Do you fantasize when you masturbate? Or do you just get right down to it?

The only times i masturbate are when Sir tells me to and then He's right there watching me so i don't really fantasise, i just concentrate on Him and what He's telling me to do and the feelings it's giving me.

17. What do you like about having an orgasm? Is it important you have an orgasm every time?

i like the feeling of release, i love how it makes me so calm and relaxed afterwards, but it's not important that i cum everytime though i do get disappointed if Sir doesn't cum because it makes me feel i haven't been pleasing enough for Him. That rarely happens though, so it's all good :)

Hope you enjoyed this little meme, please ask questions if you want to. And look out for another post later today or tomorrow.

Is it real?

Today is a thinking day, mainly because it is wet and rainy outside, Poppy looks set to keep herself amused for hours with the home-made drum kit Sir just concocted for her (!), Sir is busy working on something in His study, and my tiredness from yesterday has gone..... So i decided to have a ponder on some of the brilliantly thought-provoking posts on other slaves' blogs recently and post my reactions to them on my blog. Starting with kaya:

Who recently asked the question of whether slavery (in a BDSM sense) is real or is it just a role we are playing? Her argument was that because it is not recognised legally or by society, this means that nobody is really owned by someone else and can leave at any time, therefore it is just 'playing' (though she does admit that it seems real when you are in a D/s relationship). Now, i kinda see where she is coming from, but as many others have pointed out to her there are other things which are not legal or widely accepted in society (such as gay marriage for example), but nobody would say that a gay relationship is not real whereas a straight one is. And also different societies around the world, and in history, have/had different laws which would mean that in some places or at some times a D/s relationship would be considered 'real' under these terms and in other places or at other times it would not (plus all the very valid points about society not widely accepting black or gay people in the past, and how that didn't make their lifestyles not real.) So i don't think that reality can be based on what is legal or what society accepts.

i think 'real' is all to do with perception (as someone else commented on kaya's post). After all, going through a marriage ceremony doesn't make that relationship anymore 'real' than it was before, but most people perceive marriage as a binding contract, one which means that the 2 people are in a different kind of relationship and should not cheat on each other, etc, etc. And the people in that marriage relationship perceive their roles/lifestyle as having a certain kind of reality because of the fact that they are married. In fact both of them are just as free to leave/cheat/whatever as they were before, but because they do not perceive it this way then the reality for them has altered. (i hope that makes sense to people). i don't think it is the legal or society view of the relationship which makes it real, because same-sex couples feel the same way after their 'marriage' ceremonies. And i think it works the same for D/s relationships with the collaring ceremony/contract/whatever - this is seen as altering the reality of the relationship and the 2 people act in different ways after this event than they may have done before, because their perceptions have changed.

One more point i'd like to make before giving a quote from one of my favouritest books ever. Though kaya says that slavery isn't real because the slave can leave at any moment, and infact she tried to do just that a little while ago in her own relationship, she found that in the end she couldn't do it and she went back to Him. If that's not an example of the very real ties which bond couples in true M/s relationships, then i'm not sure what is. Of course there are M/s relationships which break down and the couples go their separate ways, but i just found it interesting that although kaya says she could leave at any time she wants to and tried to do just that, she hasn't managed to do it. i think it's because of how she perceives the dynamic and her own role within it (it's certainly nothing to do with the law or society which made her stay, indicating that factors inside someone have a lot more to do with 'reality' than outside factors do).

OK , now for the quote:

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or who have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

(from 'The Velveteen Rabbit')

i think this sums up the reality of slavehood better than i ever could - it takes some time to get there, it's something which evolves and happens to you rather than an overnight change, it involves some pain and wearing away of the old you, and it only happens to certain kinds of people who can endure the process, but it makes you beautiful to those who appreciate this kind of thing. Oh, btw, we're having that quote read out at our wedding in July because it is so apt for mine and Sir's relationship, and it's just one of the many little allusions to BDSM which are happening throughout the day for those who understand :)

Thoughts on this post? Please let me know!

remembering

Tomorrow is the 2 year anniversary of us finding out that we had lost our first baby Joshua. If you haven't already, you can read about it here. Last year i was feeling very sad and also very guilty on this day - sad because we didn't have Joshua but also guilty because i was so happy with our new baby Poppy (who had been born 6 days before) and guilty that i was spending so much time thinking about her and not about Joshua. And it was those kinds of feelings which led to me developing post-natal depression and needing counselling for a few months.

But this year everything is different. Yes, i still feel sad when i think of Joshua, but it's more of a distant sadness now, and i know that he's in a good place and he's fine where he is. And i also know that he came to fulfill a certain role, and also that he will return to us when the time is right. So it's not goodbye forever, just until we see him again (well actually till we see him for the first time, because we never even got to see him on a scan before he left us). But i have none of the guilt now, because i know i am a good mummy to both my children, just in different ways because they have very different needs. Joshua doesn't need changing or feeding or reading bedtime stories to like Poppy does, but he does need remembering and talking about to know we still think about him.

So tomorrow is going to be a normal day in our house, except that at some point during the day i'm going to take the time to sit by Joshua's rose bush (which is sooooooo beautiful this year) and send him a special message to let him know i haven't forgotten what day it is and i haven't forgotten him. And i never will. Then i'm going to spend the rest of the day appreciating the family i've got and i'll give Poppy an extra special hug when she goes up to bed, to let her know just how much i love her too.

Joining in

There's a new blog meme going round, and although i haven't been directly tagged for it like i was for the 'sexy blogger award' one, quite a few of the blogs i read have said things like 'if you're on my blog list i tag you' or 'if you're reading this consider yourself tagged' or 'if you haven't already done this meme and want to then take this as me tagging you' soooooo............

i have to name 7 things about me, which seems easy enough but i've decided to try and list things which i haven't mentioned before on here, so they will be new libby facts to everyone who reads this blog no matter how well you already know me. And i've also decided to keep them BDSM-related, too. Which is a bit more challenging, but i'll do my best:

#1. Before i placed the ad asking for a Dom Mentor to guide me online (and responded to Sir's reply, and the rest is history) i was in chatroom correspondence with another Dom for a while and initially things were going really well but then He started setting me tasks which were beyond my capabilities and pressuring me to meet up with Him too soon, so i ended contact with Him and had a rethink (i explained all my reasons to Him in an email and He replied saying He understood and i was doing the right thing if that's how i felt). Looking back on it i don't think He was one of the 'bad guys' online, i think He was a genuine Dom and i most probably wouldn't have come to any harm by Him, but i think He was more out for what He could get out of the situation (i.e. a new sub to add to His collection of playmates) rather than looking out for my needs as a very new and inexperienced emerging submissive (later i saw that He had placed an ad on the same site as me asking for a sub to scene with in real-life).

#2. When i first started meeting up with Sir i had a huge list of 'limits' (things i thought i would never ever be able to even contemplate doing), which included many things which now i find quite normal (e.g. gags, clamps, floggers, etc). Sir had to sit down with me and explain what the term 'limit' meant, and then sent me away to make 2 separate lists - one of genuine limits (which was still longer then than it is now and prolly included items it didn't need to, but Sir accepted it as it was and let me find that out for myself), and one of BDSM activities which frightened me to think about them (and this was a longggggggg list). Then He very gently and gradually introduced me to the vast majority of things on my second list over the next few months and i found that each and every one of them was actually enjoyable when i experienced it so that list got whittled down to nothing quite quickly! And then He began to work on my liimits list, work which is still ongoing because after a little while we got down to discovering the ones which are genuine limits and they're much harder to work on.

#3. The very first time i was called on to 'serve' in the P&H chatroom i was sooooo nervous i was literally shaking. i was convinced this was the moment i would be found out as a complete novice and sent away because i wasn't good enough, and all the other subs would be laughing at my pathetic attempt and none of the other Doms would ever call on me to scene ever again. But the Dom scening with me knew that i was new to all this and He was very reassuring in pm, though He did push and challenge me (compared to what i could do at the time, now it would be a fairly easy scene for me), and afterwards He made sure to tell me how pleased He was with me and gave me a message to pass on to Sir about how well i had done. And i remember getting good comments from the other Doms and subs who had watched the scene, and being so surprised. That's the moment when i realised that 'subhood' wasn't some elite club that i was teetering about on the edge of wishing i could join, i was one :)

#4. OK, now for some slightly shorter ones......! i love having my feet massaged and played with, but when that includes the insides of my toes it makes me drip and shiver uncontrollably because it just feels so good.

#5. i love the work on kink.com, and often watch the free trailers of their work whenever Sir tells me to go look at some porn - i started off with hogtied and sex&submission but my favourite now is device bondage.

#6. i love the feeling of having Sir's cum oozing out of me after we have sex, especially if it comes from my bottom, it just makes me feel like i've got a dirty little secret and i want to curl up and smile to myself about it.

#7. Sometimes when i want to get myself looking all sexy and nice for Sir i make sure my nails are freshly painted (fingers and toes), put lipstick on my pussy lips and nipples, and that's it! Walk into a room where He is looking like that, stand demurely in front of Him to be inspected, and He just leaps on me and drags me off to where He can well and truly use me :)

If you want to do this meme on your own blog, consider yourself tagged! And if you got any questions about these answers please feel free to ask.

Happy birthday Poppy!!

Today Poppy is 1 year old! It's hard to believe that her first year has gone by so quickly, i can still remember that very first moment of holding her, or of bringing her home from the hospital, and the first special days of having her at home with all the night feedings and endless changing of nappies. But in another way it's hard to remember what it was like when it was just me and Sir before we had Poppy and i can never ever imagine not having her in our lives now, so i guess in some ways it feels like she has been with us for always. Yesterday i spent some time looking back through the photo albums i made of her first few months, and i've sorted out all the photos i want to add to those but haven't got round to doing so yet. i'm going to make some time this week to get that done, so then we'll have albums for the whole of Poppy's first year of life. It's amazing to see how much she's grown in that short space of time, and how far she's developed already. She has so many skills and she learns new ones everyday, babies really are little miracles!

Yesterday we had Poppy's birthday party, and it was a great success. The weather was really kind to us, infact it was hotter than we'd expected and we ended up having to fill up Poppy's new paddling pool and whizz down to the shops for icecreams for everyone. But it was lovely to spend time in the garden with our friends and family, and watch Poppy playing with her baby friends and her 2 cousins, so happy and contented in the sunshine. We hired a ball pool and a bouncy castle for the kids, and those combined with Poppy's paddling pool and sandpit, which were her presents from us, kept the kids entertained for hours. Sir did a BBQ for the adults and i put out lots of little party snacks for the kids so they could eat on and off throughout the afternoon. Then we brought out the birthday cake, which was in the shape of a caterpillar, covered in chocolate and sweeties and veryyyyyyy popular with the children and the adults (though we did also have a grown-up dessert of sponge, meringue, cream, berries and sauce, laced with licquer!). The babies all took a nap in the afternoon, which gave us adults time to chat and catch up, and then it was back to more fun and games before everyone went home and we took a very tired but happy little girl inside to get settled down for the evening.

Poppy got some great presents too - a bubble machine which is great because she absolutely loves bubbles but wants them blown continuously which is tiring after a while, an easel and painting set, a 'tickle me Elmo' which makes her giggle whenever it's switched on, a 'baby laptop' (!) which we haven't tried out yet, quite a few cute clothes for the summer, finger paints (i can see that getting messy), and lots of musical and activity toys. She was very very lucky with her presents, good job she's too little to really be spoiled yet. And of course she loved the wrapping paper and the boxes just as much as the contents!

Today we're going to the airshow at the seaside, planning on checking out all the sideshows and entertainment, as well as watching the flying displays (the red arrows are meant to be performing which i'm looking forward to), having fish and chips and an icecream on the beach and trying out our new sand toys which we got for the sandpit but should work just as well at the seaside! Also we want to take Poppy in the sea properly for the first time because we didn't take her swimming costume with us last time, but it might be a bit cold for her so we'll see what the weather is like.

Happy birthday Poppy, and here's looking forward to another great year :)

Domme training update

i wrote a bit about this before, but i was feeling too shy and insecure to go into many details about it. However, i am now getting more used to this weekly training session and there have been some improvements, though slow, so i think the time is right to describe the training and my reactions to it in more depth......

Before Ma'am (that's what i'm told to call Her, though i do know Her name because She is an old friend/acquaintance of Sir's) arrives, i have to make sure i am ready for Her by getting the dungeon (barn) ready, asking Sir for the key to His toybox which i am to give to Ma'am when She arrives, having a bath and making sure i am clean and smooth all over with perfectly polished nails (fingers and toes), stripping off naked and attaching something to my nipples (Ma'am likes this part to vary and be a surprise so sometimes i use nipple charms or danglies, sometimes suckers, sometimes clamps), and kneeling in the hallway by the time She is due. Then when Sir opens the door to Her i am to remain still and silent in my kneel until She gives me an instruction (which is usually to 'present' myself to be inspected by Her). And then we usually go straight to the dungeon to begin.

Sir does not come with us anymore, though He did the first couple of times just to make sure i was Ok, but i am more familiar with Ma'am now and He knows i don't need Him to be there (though i would prefer it if He was, but Ma'am prefers it if He isn't!). Ma'am uses mainly Sir's toys and equipment on me for hygiene reasons (floggers and buttplugs and such like), though She has given me/Sir a 'present' of her favourite type of gag/harness because we didn't already have it and it's the type she likes to use if possible. Will post a link to a similar one when i can find it (btw i absolutely hated it at first but now i'm getting kinda used to it with Her, though the other day Sir mentioned He might start using it and that thought filled me with horror for some reason. i think it's just that it's very hard to look sexy in this kind of gag.) In many ways the things that Ma'am does with me are similar to those Sir would and has and still does with me, but there are 2 main differences:

#1. Ma'am is not about 'turning me on' or getting me excited or giving me pleasure or granting me release. i am not allowed or expected to cum during our sessions, though afterwards i am usually surprised at how wet i am. Ma'am never touches me down there, never stimulates me down there, and has said that She never will. Also, contrary to my initial expectations so far She has not wanted me to pleasure Her, infact i can't remember ever actually touching Her at all. Though i guess we may move onto that in future sessions because She has talked quite a bit about how girls are different to boys when they pleasure a Domme.....

#2. Ma'am tends to avoid tying me up if she can, prefering me to have to remain in the position She has put me in through my own will. She does use spreader bars and cuffs sometimes, and She makes good use of the furniture in our dungeon, but even then there is always an element of me having to keep still and in the correct place. This is one of the main things we are working on at the moment - me keeping still and silent no matter what She does to me, and at first it was very very difficult because it is completely different to what i am used to with Sir, but i have worked hard on this and it is getting easier now. i just breathe deeply whenever i want to cry out and this helps me control it until the urge goes away, though the not moving thing is harder and i still flinch sometimes.

So, as i said, it is getting easier to fulfill Ma'am's wishes now, which i am soooo relieved about because there was a point when i thought i would never get it. She says i am doing well, and She wants to work on the same targets for a few more sessions before we move onto the next thing (haven't been told what that is yet). Oh, and also i have a training diary with Ma'am, which she sticks photos into some weeks when i make good progress, writes 'lessons' (targets) for me to work on, and makes comments on how i have performed that week. i find this really useful to look back on, as it reminds me of the things i must work on and encourages me by Her positive comments when i have got things right. Sir is also pleased with how i am doing so far, though He says there will need to be a break in my Domme training at regular intervals so i don't get too overloaded with it. i think He is hoping for me to finish this lot of sessions and at least start the next before then though. We'll see how it goes....

(Please feel free to ask questions if i haven't covered everything here, am really tired at the moment so there may well be something i forgot to mention).

Oooooohs

Firstly i want to let people know that i'm gonna be trying a new colour scheme on here with regards to my writing as several people have told me that they find the yellow/green colours too hard to read on the white background. So i'm going to try out different shades of pink and purple to go with the rest of the blog, please let me know if this makes my writing any easier to read!

Now for the 'ooooooooohs':

1. i can cross off another thing on my 101 list (actually i've been able to cross this off for a week or so but haven't got round to it) because me and Sir took Poppy to the seaside on the bank holiday weekend and she absolutely loved playing in the sand, so much so that we then went out and bought her a sandpit for her birthday which is coming up at the end of the month! So i can cross off #46 on my list :)

2. i got into a 'best submissive blogs list' on luna's fab site! i was seriously so excited when i saw my blog on there, i showed it to Sir all proudly :) There's only 16 blogs in the list as well, which makes it even more special that i was included because i know how many great subbie blogs there are out there, so thankssssssssss luna. Also i got to find out about a couple of blogs i didn't know about from that list so i'm going to go check them out and maybe add them to my blogroll.

Another busy week this week, but things are beginning to settle down into a new routine, so hopefully i should be posting here more regularly from now on, please stick with me :)

libby

xxxx

Changes and challenges

Firstly, thank you to Dinora for leaving me this question in a comment on my previous post: 'What in your lifestyle has changed now that you have Poppy?'. Which is a really interesting question and seeing as we've had nearly a year of adjusting to life with Poppy (though i can hardly believe it's been that long already, she is growing up soooooo fast!), now seems like a good time to blog about this topic, so here goes...

When Poppy was first born there was a couple of months where really we were just getting used to having her in our lives and all our time and attention was spent on her. But Sir had anticipated that and had put my training and most of the rules on hold for then, so that i could concentrate on our new baby. That's not to say that we stopped being Master and slave - i didn't suddenly start demanding things and ordering Him around - but our BDSM roles were very much in the background as we got used to our new parenting roles. Luckily for me Poppy established a routine for herself pretty quickly which meant i was able to start picking up more and more of the rules and rituals fairly soon after that initial settling-in period, fitting them around when i knew Poppy would be awake/needing feeding/changing/bathing etc. And because Sir had done such a good job of adapting the rules to make them appropriate for a household with children, they worked well and i found that i was able to take on more and more of the rules every week until i was pretty much following them all. (You can see the old rules and the new rules here).

Lots of things had to change of course, and it took a while for me to adapt to them, but on the whole it went well. Some of the changes were to do with the many rituals Sir and i had together before Poppy was born, which now have to be much more subtle - it's hardly appropriate to walk round the house naked except for my collar and a basque, or to kneel next to Sir's chair at mealtimes until He tells me i can sit on my own chair, with Poppy in the house, so now we do adapted versions of those rituals. But because we still do them, because me and Sir know what they mean and i would still get into trouble if i forgot one or deliberately chose not to do it, then the control and dynamic is still there just like it was before. It doesn't matter that interactions between us are more subtle now, infact it makes it seem more intimate and special that way for some reason.

Another way our life has changed since having Poppy is that we both have to be more flexible and realise that there will be times when i can't do something i'm meant to because of her. For example, before i had Poppy i would always be waiting for Sir to get out of the shower and hand Him His towel, but now sometimes that doesn't happen because i am giving Poppy her breakfast or changing her or redressing her after she got something down her or playing with her or comforting her when she is crying or i am running way behind with getting myself ready because it's just one of those mornings. So although i try to hand Sir His towel on getting out of the shower whenever possible, if i'm not there Sir knows there is a good reason for it and doesn't punish me for it, infact He usually doesn't even mention it to me. Other things get in the way of other rules too, but so long as i am trying my best to keep the ones i can then Sir is fine with it, and also He lets me have a bad day now and then when virtually none of the rules are kept, because He is realistic and knows that life with a young baby can sometimes be like that.

The other major change to our lifestyle since having Poppy is that we don't have so much time to 'play' or for my training as we used to. But we make good use of the offers from my mum and sister to look after Poppy regularly, so that we have some time on Sunday mornings for training and we fit our 'playtime' in whenever she is being looked after elsewhere. Sir is pretty good at reading my body signals, and He knows when i *need* a good session and will try to make arrangements accordingly, but i find that as long as it doesn't go too long between play sessions i am pretty much OK. And the training is keeping me busy, and i have online tasks to do too which keep me occupied as well.

So on the whole i think our adapted lifestyle is working great, both me and Sir are still feeling happy and satisfied and we love each other just as much, if nor more, than before, and we also have the added gift of a beautiful baby daughter to make our lives even more fulfilled. Things are getting more challenging now that she is getting older and having less naps and taking in more of what goes on around her, but i am confident that under Sir's direction we can continue to adapt and change to fit our needs in with hers (and any future babies) without compromising on anyone's lifestyle.

Any other questions/comments? :)

Sexy Blogger award

Firstly sorry for the break in blog posts while i got readjusted to working part-time as well as being a mummy, and a slave with new training, and getting ready for our wedding and Poppy's first birthday, and dealing with the stress of getting her tested for allergies..... But anyway, i've got some stuff to post about this weekend, starting with another award for my blog given to me by the lovely lexa (thanks hon!).

It's a 'sexy blogger' award and the rules are: 'You are to list 5 sexy things about yourself and pass the award on to 4 other people'. Hmmm tricky cos i don't really think of myself as being sexy and i didn't expect to get given this award seeing as how i'm not allowed to post any pics at all of me on this site, but i'll give it a go....

1. my titties are quite sexy i think, especially now they have shrunk back down to almost their pre-pregnancy size (though prolly some other people would think they were sexy when swollen and leaking) - they are rounded and pert with big dark nipples.

2. my Master says i have a sexy bottom and He likes to watch it when i am wiggling happily cos it makes the asscheeks jiggle 'in just the right way' (also He likes my pucker - *blush*)

3. lots of people have told me that the combination of my long dark wavy hair and big sparkly blue eyes with dark eyelashes is sexy.

4. i think my shyness can be sexy, especially when it is combined with some of the slutty things my Master has me do.

5. i like my feet and toes and think they look sexy when i have painted my toenails all pretty and am wandering around the house with bare feet (like i am required to do when at home).

There! Oh, and the people i tag are:

1. taiah

2. trinity-pup

3. laurie

4. Emma

Really i could have tagged pretty much anyone in my blogroll cos they're all sexy and their posts make me wriggle, but some of them have been tagged already and i didn't feel right tagging a Dom/me, so i've chosen these people - i hope you take part!

libby

xxxx

Is kinky ever too kinky?

Every week i get an email article written by Jack Rinella (His website is here), discussing a BDSM issue. Often they're not all that relevant to me, but i still enjoy reading them, but this week the question discussed was one i have asked myself in the past, so i thought it would be worth returning to this topic to see how my thoughts have evolved on it. Basically the question is: is all kinky play considered 'OK' so long as the participants involved know and accept the risks, or are there certain activities which are not 'OK' and should not be accepted by those in the BDSM lifestyle?

Basically, i think there are 2 issues here: firstly that when people get into BDSM they have a longgggggg list of things that are too much for them, things they think are too risky or too intense or too extreme or whatever. But as they start playing and trying things out they quickly find that they want to push their boundaries more and more, so that things which seemed new and exciting at the beginning soon become mundane and ordinary, and there's always that search for the next thrill, the next type of play, the next level of intensity. And some people never stop in that quest, so that after a while the types of play they seek to engage in to get that same thrill of excitement and fear of the unknown and risky are way extreme, very dangerous and probably illegal. i haven't actually had that issue, though in the beginning i worried that i might - me and Sir are happy with our range of activities we engage in and because it's quite a wide range, and Sir is careful to mix things up and not repeat the same type of play too frequently, it still seems new and exciting and thrilling. That's not to say that He doesn't introduce new types of activities sometimes, because He does, and part of my training is always to become competent with different types of play, but there are some things that Sir will never take part in because He deems the risks to be too great (things like breathplay, for example), so we both have limits on what we will try.

The other part to this question comes from the fact that as the BDSM community is so diverse, it becomes necessary to adopt an attitude of acceptance in order to get along within it. We are always told to accept each other's kinks and fetishes, to not discriminate against others because of their sexual orientation or BDSM role, to allow for others to have different interpretations of labels and what they mean, to respect the fact that everyone follows the lifestyle in a different way, with different rules and rituals and protocols. But sometimes i think this can lead to us being too accepting, too ready to say "it's not my kink, but your kink is OK', to turn a blind eye to things which are recklessly dangerous and outright illegal/immoral, just because we're surrounded by this "everyone must accept everyone else's lifestyle" point of view. Sometimes i think there need to be clearer boundaries drawn, with lists of things which are not tolerated by the main BDSM community, so that we distance ourselves from the too extreme end of the spectrum, just as we distance ourselves from the predators who pose as Doms/Masters in order to carry out their crimes.

Just my view, but i'd be interested to hear other people's...... (and i deliberately didn't go into specifics about what the too extreme types of play are, because i don't think this is the place for it. But i'm sure people have a good idea of the things i mean.)

Pilates, preparations and play

That sums up my day yesterday! It was a busy day, but busy in a good way and all those 3 'p' things are important in my life right now so i thought i'd take the time to write about them:

~pilates: i've been interested in trying out pilates or yoga for a while now and i found out about some beginners' classes starting this week in a dance studio near me. The only thing i was worried about was the fact they are on Weds which means i will need to leave Poppy with my mum in the morning and then take her to nursery in the afternoon, and as both of these are new to her routine i was concerned about starting them both at once. But as some wise person advised me recently, Poppy has always coped with changes of routine, people and place before, and it's good for her to get used to things like that now so she can be more adaptable when she's older, like when she has to go to school. So i decided to try it for a few weeks and see how we both get on.

Well i needn't have worried about Poppy! She really is such a good girl, happy to get to spend time playing with her Grandma (apparently they formed an orchestra out of the pots and pans in the kitchen and both had a great time drumming along to the radio!), and no problem when i left her in her new room at nursery for a couple of hours in the afternoon either (i went back in to collect her at the end and found her in one of the staff member's lap getting her to play 'peekaboo' over and over (one of her favourite games at the moment) and giggling happily at this very clever game) :). And the pilates class was great too - i was worried it would be too much for me to do that and then go into work for the afternoon, but since this is a beginners' class the man started off nice and slow, working on basic posture and positions with us, and doing gentle stretching exercises which he says we're going to build on in the next few weeks. He came round correcting our positions and encouraging us to be 'still and straight' in certain areas, but other than that he said we all did well, and i found it relaxing and refreshing at the same time, and am looking forward to going back. It's meant to be really good for posture and flexibility too. Oh, and it means i get to cross yet another thing off my 101 list - #15. try out yoga/pilates!!

~ preparations - for returning to work i mean. i have now done 3 'back to work' visits, spending more and more time in the room each time, letting the children get used to me, getting to know more about them (lots of them are new since i went on maternity leave), chatting to the staff and especially to the woman who has been running the unit in my absence and generally finding out what's been going on. The woman who replaced me is really lovely and has done a great job while i've been away, and she will still be there for half of the week but she says she's looking forward to cutting down on her hours as it's such a busy and intense job! And the other staff in the room all said they're looking forward to me coming back which was nice. And the children are soooooo adorable, even though some of them are quite a handful!

We've still got E the little girl with severe physical disabilities and epilepsy, and G our little autistic boy who is like a whirlwind because he's always on the go but showing so much affection now too. And then there's 6 other children who are new to me - A a little Indian girl with no official diagnosis but i suspect she has autism, who loves rough and tumble and being active but can hit out and bite people around her without warning, S a little girl cutie with Down Syndrome who is very happy and content, plays nicely and loves singing and music, L a little boy with ADHD who swears and has a huge stubborn streak but is such a little character that i love him already, J a little boy with partial paralysis down one side of his body but such a cute smile and a cheeky nature, though he can throw the most enormous temper tantrums, B a bright verbal boy who needs to learn how to share and take turns, and P a quiet little boy who uses a walker to get around and keeps himself to himself but has a lot of potential to be tapped into. Soooo i've got my work cut out with this lot, but am looking forward to the challenge already :)

~ play - then, in the evening on the chatroom i got to play with another sub :) As part of my ongoing training i am required to be more flirty and playful with the other subs in the chatroom, and try to scene with some of them when i can. i find other subs the most difficult to scene with because of my shyness issues, and because there's not that many of them that i feel comfortable enough to scene with, and also because i'm not used to scenes where nobody is giving orders and instructions! But yesterday i took the opportunity to slide myself into m's lap and do some gentle stroking and twiddling, and when her response was positive i used my mouth on her, and when she responded we just kind of took it from there and it ended up with me cumming everywhere! She had to go soon after which was a shame but i spent the rest of the time snuggled in my blankie, grinning to myself until i got drowsy and went off to bed. Thanks m for a great scene :)

So there you have it - my busy Wednesday. Taking the time to chill out a little today - we went to our last ever baby signing class this morning, which i'm a bit sad about but neither of us really need to go anymore as Poppy is signing and talking well. Going to relax this afternoon and think some more about the topic i want to blog about tomorrow.

libby

xxxxx

Labels

Reading this post today reminded me of my previous obsession with labels and which one fitted me and whether i was really that label or another one and did everyone else see me as that label or something else and did it matter if different people gave me different labels and what would happen if i were to change my label and so on....

i used to think it was really important to find the right label for yourself (in a BDSM sense i mean) and make sure everyone else (in the lifestyle) knew which label you were and ensure you lived up to that label at all times. Because if you didn't then maybe you'd have to get another label instead. It all seems a bit silly now but i remember being quite worried about it at the time, especially when i thought that some people would label me as a slave when i moved in permanently with Sir, and i definitely wasn't one of those, nuh uhhh, no way..... except it turned out that i was, i was just scared of being called one mainly because of my preconceptions of what that label entailed.

So i guess what i'm trying to say here is that my thoughts and views on labels (BDSM ones at least) have changed. So i'm going to do a brief update post on what i think of them now. For one thing, i still call/label myself as a slave, as bisexual, as poly (though i always take care to explain exactly what kind of poly incase people get the wrong idea), etc. And i still see Sir as a Master and a Dom. None of that has changed. And i will happily 'label' myself and others i know if people ask me to. i've not become one of those people who refuse to put a label on themselves, because they won't be put into a box or whatever (not that there's anything wrong with that view, btw). But what has changed is my emphasis on labels. i no longer care if someone else wants to give me a different label to the one i give myself, or not give me a label at all. i no longer care if someone i meet in BDSM circles doesn't know what my label is, and i no longer feel the need to tell them all of my labels in the first 5 minutes just so they know exactly who and what i am. i no longer care about which labels other people give themselves, and whether those match with the labels i would have given them. i no longer care what the 'official' definition is of each BDSM label or how other people's definitions match up with mine or which of those definitions i most fit with. Because i've come to realise that it's actions which matter in this lifestyle - the way you conduct yourself and the things you do, tell people a lot more about you than the label you give yourself. And yes sometimes the way people act is in direct conflict with the label they call themselves by, and guess which one i now give more emphasis to? Their actions, because those come from their heart and reveal their true personality and thoughts much more than what they choose to call themselves.

So yes i still label myself as certain things, but i hope that i show others through my conduct and actions that i am Sir's slave, much more than that they 'know' it by me telling them. If that makes sense....

3 more...

Quick update on the 101 list - i've recently been able to cross off 3 more items!

#52. play with a Domme in real-life: this happened during the latest training with Ma'am, and though i was fumbly and unsure, it still counts. And no i'm not quite ready to write about it yet but maybe soon!

#54. scene with one new Dom and one new sub on P&H: this happened ummmm last week i think, with a Dom (N) who showed interest in me and we got chatting and He ended up doing an erotic massage scene with me, and then halfway through i got a pm from another sub (l) asking to join in, so she came over and did lovely things to my feet and toes and legs and thighs. she wanted to do more but i was feeling real shy because i don't know her that well, but it was still a great scene and i think if we ever scened again i would be more adventurous.

#87. bottle-feed a lamb: i did this at the farm this weekend and it was every bit as sweet as i imagined it would be, now i want a pet lamb all of my very ownnnnnnnnn!

Happy bunny day!

Firstly, sorry to everyone who has problems reading posts written in yellow like this but it *is* Easter so i got to use this colour, right? Secondly, i think Easter might just be my favourite celebration of the whole year because it's so pretty and you get lots of chocolate and there's pictures of sweet baby animals everywhere. Though i usually feel that every celebration is my favourite when we come to it! But this has been a really great Easter weekend, and Poppy's first one ever so i thought i'd write all about it....

Yesterday we did our Easter celebrations with just the 3 of us - after an early horse-riding lesson for me (with Sir and Poppy watching and mooching round feeding the other horses) we drove to a farm and spent the rest of the day there. They had a special Easter weekend, with an egg hunt round the farm, a duckling trail to follow, an Easter bonnet competition, a 'meet the Easter bunny' event, and lots of cute baby chicks, bunnies and lambs to pet and feed. Poppy absolutely loved everything except she was afraid of the person dressed up in the Easter bunny suit and cried when he tried to come over and talk to her! And i did get to fulfil my wish of bottle-feeding a lamb at the 'feeding time' show/talk - crikey those lambs are frisky and they really go for it with their drinking, but they were soooooo cute and i got to pet it's little woolly curls whilst holding onto the bottle for dear life with the other hand!

Poppy's favourite parts of the day were meeting the animals in the petting barn (rabbits, guinea pigs, rats and ferrets) - she adores little animals like this and will happily sit among them letting them climb on her and run around her; playing in the sandpit - she could have stayed there for hoursssss; and being pulled around the farm in her very own car which they have for children :) We're thinking of holding her birthday party there next year when she's a bit bigger and can properly make use of all the kids stuff they've got there.

Then today we had a busy Easter Sunday - in the morning we exchanged Easter eggs and i got a scrummy Cadburys Creme Egg gift set from Sir and a gold Lindt bunny from Poppy. We didn't let Poppy get any chocolate eggs this year because she hasn't had chocolate yet and we wanted to put that off for a while, so instead we gave her a really cute toy bunny and a chick toy which cheeps when you hold it in your hand :) After breakfast we joined in the village Easter egg hunt, which is held on one particular farm near us and lots of families go to it and have a good time. i helped Poppy find some eggs, but she was more interested in crawling round on the grass and 'chatting' away to all the people there! There's other events and stuff that go on after the egg hunt but we had a prior engagement so off we went round my parents' and had a scrummy Easter lunch there (turkey with all the trimmings), which Poppy really enjoyed too, and i got more Easter goodies! We came home in the middle of the afternoon and me and Poppy made chocolate Easter nests for tea (and got in a right mess!) and then i decorated eggs with pictures of chicks and bunnies and flowers and rainbows. Sir's mum came round for tea and we had decorated boiled eggs with dippy soldiers, hot cross buns and chocolate nest cakes - perfect. Anddddd i got yet more chocolate for Easter :)

So a lovely Easter, we all had a good time, especially Poppy, and i'm feeling nice and full of chocolate now (today i was allowed to eat it whenever i liked but from tomorrow the usual rules apply of having to wait until Sir gives me permission - oh well!). Happy Easter to everyone and i hope you all got lots of yummy chocolate too :)

What are you famous for?

i know it's not Friday, but i figure that these kind of things don't matter anymore now that i have relaxed my (self-imposed) rules on blog posts a bit..... Felt like doing a Plinky today, and found this one which can easily be adapted to make it D/s related:

I am well-known in the BDSM chatrooms for claiming to be a 'slutty angel and an angelic slut' - i think this sums up the 2 sides of my personality very well and somehow i can be both things at the same time! Even though i am now quite an experienced real-life slave i have still maintained my aura of sweetness and naivety (or so i'd like to think), so this makes me a bit different. i used to claim to be an 'innocent virgin' (mostly tongue in cheek) but don't think i have been able to get away with that one for a long time now!

Domme difficulties

As some people might remember, i recently started real-life training with a Domme acquaintance of Sir's. This follows on from but is also running simultaneously to the online Domme play i started a while back, as Sir wants me to continue this as and when possible. i have been really nervous about doing the real-life stuff because i am shy with women, much more so Dominant women and i was worried about what would be expected of me. And it seems i was right to be worried....

So far there have only been 2 training sessions with Ma'am, but both of them have been intense and difficult. i have been given a training diary which Ma'am fills in after every visit, and it has my 'lessons' in it - one per page - which i am required to work on each time. At the end of every visit Ma'am fills in a comment about how well i did on each lesson, and She says that when i complete a lesson a photo will be taken and stuck in and then we will move onto a new one. So far i have 3 lessons i am working on:

#1. proper preparation for Ma'am's visits: i don't really know what this entails since i am meant to work it out for myself, but so far i have figured out that i am to be kneeling nude in the hallway ready for when Ma'am arrives and i am to make sure i am nice and clean all over with my finger- and toenails neatly polished.

#2. remaining still and silent throughout the session: this one is really hard for me because i am used to being allowed to make noises and squirm about with Sir, but Ma'am has completely different rules and no matter what She does to me i am expected not to make any noise or movement at all - She says i can take a big breath in but that's it. So far i have not done very well with this one at all :(

#3. feeling my place with Ma'am: again i'm not really sure yet what this one means, but She says it will become clearer as we go on. So far Her comments under this one have been 'libby is starting to get a glimpse of where her true place lies in relation to me', whatever that means?

i think some of the reason i find this training so difficult (besides the fact it is new and i am so not comfortable with Women in the same way i am with Men) is that i don't know what i am doing. With Sir He always discusses training with me and tells me exactly what He expects and what i need to work on, and although i kind of have that with Ma'am's training diary, the way she works is very mysterious and vague and nothing is spelt out in any detail. It's just a new way of working for me, but at the moment i'm finding it really hard to get to grips with, and also i'm a bit disappointed that i'm not yet able to do better than i am. So it looks like this is going to be a longggggggggggg section of training for me :/

new New Year's resolution

my New Year's resolution about posting at least 25 posts per month on this blog has been scrapped. It wasn't working out, and with all the other pressures on my time at the moment (looking after Poppy, doing the housework, serving Sir, resuming my training, getting ready to go back to work, preparing for the wedding, etc) i just don't have the time to post on here as frequently as i used to. So, at Sir's suggestion i have changed that resolution for this one:

#1. to maintain a healthy balance between my 'slave', 'mummy', 'wife' and 'nursery nurse' roles - now i am returning to work (part-time) and getting married soon, i think it will be important for me to focus on developing all 4 of my roles but not letting one dominate to the detriment of the others. i did well with balancing my 'slave' and 'mummy' roles last year, so i'm hopeful that with a bit of work i'll be able to incorporate these 2 additional roles into the mix as well. Wish me luck!

Re-evaluation

So, following my last post on my recent problems with knowing what to write about and keeping to my 25+ posts per month target, i had a chat with Sir about the whole issue during one of our weekly 'free talk' times. And as usual Sir was able to give me some more perspective on the whole thing, and offer several suggestions (and one order) for me regarding my upkeep of this blog. Which sorted things out in my head a lot and helped me chill out about the whole thing. Here's His suggestions, and the one i am going to act on:

~ i could set my blog to private and only have me, Sir and flame read it - that way i wouldn't feel under pressure to post regularly for my audience, to keep them entertained or keep up the numbers in my followers list, etc.

~ i could have a set area to post about each day (like i already started with the 'Gratitude Tuesday', 'question Friday' and 'Sunday musings') and i would have to do a post about that even if i didn't feel like it.

~ i could be given a list of things to post about by Sir and have to follow those guidelines rigorously.

~ i could change my New Year's resolution, stop worrying about the quantity of posts and concentrate instead on the quality - only posting when i have something worthwhile and interesting.

..... i went for suggestion #4, so although the number of posts here might fall a little, i hope to post at least 2 or 3 times every week, and those posts should be more substantial, informative and thought-provoking than if i am just writing a post for the sake of it or to get my numbers up. i hope that all my regular readers will understand that and continue to read here, and follow me, and leave comments, and vote in polls, and all of that other stuff, because the feedback i get from my blog really does help me and it's one of the reasons i want to keep blogging.

Oh, and the order from Sir which i had to follow? i had to take a 1 week break from this blog (since my last post) and get clear in my mind what i wanted to do, and where i wanted to take this blog from here. Which i have done, and it was a really useful break, and i am much clearer now about the purpose of this blog, and how i want it to develop. And since changing my New Year's resolution i feel a lot less pressured to write here which i think is going to help me a great deal. So everything's good :)

Blogging

Despite my promise in my New Year's resolutions to blog more regularly, and to make sure i have at least 25 posts every month, i have been falling into a bit of a pattern with my blogging this year so far - where i get near the end of the month and have to hurriedly blog loads in order to meet that target. Part of it is to do with not knowing what to write about, as i've already covered quite a lot of topics already in this blog, part of it is to do with being so busy with Poppy and my training and getting ready for the wedding that several days go by without me even thinking about this blog, and part of it is to do with not needing this blog in the same way as i did in the beginning. i'm not saying that i'm going to stop blogging or anything like that, i guess i'm just asking for a bit of help:

~Does anyone have any inspiration for what i can write about? Any questions you want answered or topics you'd like to see my opinion on?

~ Does anyone have any tips for what they do when they don't feel in the blogging mood, but need to write a post? Any ideas on how to motivate myself to write?

Any contributions will be gratefully received. In the meantime i'm going to write some posts and backdate them for this week to the days i would normally have posted them, and see if i can still make my post quota for this month because i'm so determined to keep that resolution this year!

my first Mother's Day

It seems to have come round quickly, but today was my first mother's day as a mummy and i really enjoyed it. 'Poppy' brought me breakfast in bed this morning, which was a real treat because i don't often get that, and we had a lovely lazy start to the day snuggled in bed together, all 3 of us, with me and Sir talking and Poppy playing happily with some of her toys. Then i got given my presents from Poppy which were a box of lovely chocolates, some flowers picked from the garden (apparently Poppy chose the ones herself which is sweet), and a special newspaper with an article on the front cover all about me winning the 'best mum of the year award'. It was a very sweet gesture and i was so touched - i've put it in my special treasure box which i created when Poppy was born for all the things i want to keep as she grows up.

Then we took a walk through the woods and saw all the violets coming up and went to visit the horses and fed them some apples and carrots. And then we had a picnic lunch sitting by the river, enjoying the warm spring weather and just relaxing in each other's company. This afternoon we spent pottering around in our garden, getting it ready for all the flowers to come up and i planted lots of vegetables in my area of the vegetable patch so i'm hoping they'll grow nice and big for summer.

Today has been a lovely day and i've been feeling very appreciative of my little family, and so so proud of the beautiful little person i helped to create and bring into this world. i hope i can continue to be the bestest mummy that i can be for her as she grows, so that she develops into the bright, inquisitive, happy little girl that it already seems she is destined to be. i love my Poppy so much :)

Springgggg

It feels like winter has lasted a long time this year, but today is officially the first day of spring and i'm so glad it's finally here. Today has been bright and warm and sunny, with the birds singing and all the daffodils coming out, and it really has felt like spring, so i'm hoping the weather is going to stay like this now and there won't be anymore nasty surprises (like snow - brrrrrr!).

Soon me and Sir are going to take Poppy to a farm for the first time so she can see all the animals, and i'm especially looking forward to seeing all the baby chicks and ducklings and lambs, and hoping that i can get to stroke and bottlefeed some of the lambs this year because i wasn't allowed last year due to being pregnant (apparently pregnant sheep and newborn lambs have a disease which can be passed onto unborn human babies). i am feeling very happy and contented at the moment and looking forward to all the exciting things still to come this year, like Easter, then returning to work, then Poppy's first birthday, then our wedding and honeymoon and my 30th birthday! Lots and lots of good things and now the pnd has gone i will be able to fully enjoy them - yayyyyyy. i've got a feeling 2009 is going to be a brilliant year. Happy spring everyone!!

photos

Some of you might remember the surprise family photo session i arranged for Sir for valentine's day.... well the finished photos got delivered to our house today! i was sooooo excited cos i remembered how beautiful the photos were which we chose and all the example photos in frames they showed us looked absolutely fantastic. i was just hoping that our finished product would be worth the money we're paying out for it (on an interest free monthly payment plan cos we didn't want to fork it out all at once, though i did put a lump sum in as my contribution for Sir's present)......

And when we finally got to see our unique framed photos i nearly cried. They are stunning and capture us as a family perfectly - there's a big one of all 3 of us playing with the bubbles in the middle, then there's 2 smaller slots on either side, with the top ones being of me and Sir snuggling together and looking relaxed and content, and the bottom ones of Poppy on her own looking up at the bubbles and giggling happily. The frame is sleek and black and very stylish and the whole thing just looks wonderful up on the big wall in our lounge. It's something we will treasure for a long time, especially as Poppy gets older because it's a lasting memory of a happy day for our little family. The picture at the top gives an example of the type of style we got (except ours is all in the one frame with cutouts rather than separate frames). i'm sooooo glad i decided to get this done, it makes me smile everytime i look at it :)

It is real

Yeah, sorry to keep going on about this, but i just wanted to say once again for all those people out there who doubt the depth of the relationship between me and flame, don't see how we can be a 'proper' poly family, say that we're not really girlfriends, etc. because we're 'only' online and haven't made any other form of contact beyond that.... that this week has proved to me once again that what we have toegther is just as deep and true and real as any 'real-life' relationship i have even been in and a lot more enriching than many of them have been.

This week i have not seen flame at all, not since Sunday after her Sir session. i gather that she has been ill or sleeping or at doctor's appointments all week, but whatever the reason why she hasn't been on IRC when i have, it's made me miss her loads, and each day when i sit in the chatroom and she doesn't appear it makes me realise just how much i enjoy spending time with her, even if we're just catching up on our days and chatting about our D/s relationships and our training or our families or whatever. i really really hope she is ok and we can chat soon because it feels like there is a huge chunk of my life on hold at the moment.

Love you flame XX

Dreams

The past few nights, well actually ever since Sir started having the training update talks with me, i have been having some really vivid dreams. And while some of them are just nonsense and don't mean much, there has been a recurring theme to my dreams of the past few nights, so i thought i'd share it here....

In my dreams i am serving a Domme. Sometimes it is someone i don't know, but usually it is either someone from the chatroom (but i am with them in real-life) or it is Ma'am who i have met before and who will be doing my Domme training in real-life when Sir thinks i am ready. In the dreams i am always serving in a sexual sense or a submissive sense - i.e. giving Her a foot rub, or licking at her bottom - and i am always both enjoying it and feeling relaxed and confident about what i'm doing. And i always wake up from the dreams with a big smile on my face, feeling aroused. Infact Sir woke me up last night because apparently i was rubbing myself against His leg as i was having the dream *blush*.

The reason i wanted to post about this is because the way i am acting and feeling in the dreams is completely different to how i really feel about serving a Domme. Even online i am not at all confident about being with a Domme and i am really nervous abput progressing in the types of things i am expected to do when serving one. And when i think about the training i will be doing with Ma'am in real-life i get even more nervous and unsure of myself, even though i have no specific details about what will be involved yet. But i think it is a good thing that subconsciously i seem to believe that i can do it, and do it well, and enjoy myself whilst doing it. And i also think it is a good thing that i am dreaming about this topic so much recently because maybe it shows that i am ready to start forging ahead with this aspect of my training? At any rate i'm going to take the next few steps with Dommes online and see how i go.....