a submissive's musings

May 08, 2013

Good news all round

Some good news to share with my blog readers.... i had it officially confirmed by the doctor yesterday that i am pregnant! i'm feeling mainly excited and happy but also a bit nervous and weepy on/off about this news, and now it's even more important that we find a house, get it done up how we need it and move in.

On that note.... we've been sent details of 3 more houses in our area which have 5 bedrooms and indoor swimming pools and have made arrangements to go and view them. So i'm hopeful that the perfect place for us will be not too far away :)

In other good news, we went to William's statement tribunal today to try to get some provisions put onto his statement that are important for him to have - things like speech therapy, physiotherapy, sensory integration therapy, occupational therapy and input from a visual impairment specialist. And we got all of them added to his statement, plus a whole paragraph about his learning needs related to his autism and behavioural difficulties! i'm so chuffed because the statement is a legal document which schools have to make sure they are following and implementing and setting targets and reporting on progress for. Now we just wait to find out if William has been accepted in the special school (nursery) we want for Sept and we try to get Finn's statement agreed at his tribunal next week.

That meme

There's a meme going round at the moment asking questions about bloggers' Sirs/Masters. As i don't give that much information about my Sir i thought it would be fun to take part:

1. He's sitting in front on the TV, what is on the screen?
Probably a sports game of some kind, maybe a documentary or the news. Definitely not a soap or reality TV programme or a quiz show.

2. You're out to eat, what kind of dressing does He get?
BBQ, horseradish or something with mustard in. Sir likes a dressing He can taste!

3. The most striking thing about His physical appearance?
Probably His eyes which are really hard to look away from and His smile, He has a great smile.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink, what does He order?
Hot drink would be coffee, cold drink would be orange juice, alcoholic drink would be white wine or a beer.

5. Where did He go to high school?
Somewhere further up North (not allowed to write the name or the town).

6. What shoe size does He wear?
Size 10 UK = size 11 US

7. If He were to collect anything, what would it be?
Hmmm i don't know, maybe something sports-related.

8. What is His favourite type of sandwich?
BLT or chicken salad, with a sauce/dressing, preferably on brown or granary bread.

9. What is His favourite cereal?
Muesli, shredded wheat or weetabix.

10. What would He never wear?
Sandals with socks, or those tight speedo swimming trunks. Sir is quite a good dresser :)

11. What is His favourite sports team?
Sir loves sports but doesn't really support any teams, except of course England in international competitions. He likes to watch football, rugby, american football, motor-racing, darts, snooker, cricket, golf and some others i've probably forgotten to mention.

12. Who did He vote for in the last election?
i don't know. Sir doesn't discuss politics with me.

13. What is something you do that He wishes you wouldn't do?
Worry and fret about things so much. Also believe that i can't do things. But i am getting much better with both of these.

14. You bake a cake for His birthday, what kind?
Sir likes lots of the cakes i make, but it would probably be chocolate, lemon or carrot.

15. What is His heritage?
English, Irish, Welsh.

16. Did He play sports in high school?
Yes, Sir was on the football and rugby teams and also enjoyed cricket, athletics and swimming.

17. What could He spend hours doing?
Anything practical - DIY, mending something, gardening, cooking. Or playing with the kids. Or fishing.

18. What is one unique talent He has?
His ability to draw people to Him wherever He goes, even complete strangers, without actually looking at them or talking to them. Also His ability to get people to do what He wants without being pushy or rude.

Hope you found this interesting, feel free to ask questions!

OMG

So today Sir went to the estate agent to talk about the value of our house and then to the bank to find out how much mortgage they will let us have and then back to the estate agent to see what is available in our area in our price range.

And He was told that there is an 'open house' day on a suitable house 10mins walk down the road from us, so we dropped the kids off at their grandparents' and went round to see it. i was reallllllly surprised - hence the blog title. The place was much bigger than i thought it was going to be, with a hugeeeeeeee garden, a hot tub and an indoor heated swimming pool!! It had never occured to me before that we could afford somewhere with our own pool, but i got very excited about this because it would be so good for William's therapy and Finn's ADHD to have access to our own pool everyday. Here's the other benefits to this property:
- 5 double bedrooms, one with it's own ensuite plus dressing area
- big family bathroom with corner bath plus a separate shower room
- big lounge with fireplace
- big kitchen with separate utility room
- dining room with fireplace
- conservatory with bar area
- spa room with 6 seater hot tub
- indoor heated pool with shower and toilet
- double garage

But the decor was awful and would all need redoing, including the carpets, the garden is very overgrown and needs completely rehauling, making secure and the outbuildings need to be made safe, there's a pond in the front garden which we would need to do something about and i'm not sure there's suitable rooms for the playroom and the therapy room, and definitely nowhere to have our 'dungeon'. So we've decided not to make an offer on this place, even though Sir says it is well below our maximum budget so we could afford to spend out some money having it done up. i just think it's too much work to take on and it's not perfect for us, though the idea of having a swimming pool is very appealing.

Sir phoned the estate agent when we got back and they are sending us details of other properties in the area which also have swimming pools and might be suitable. i am super excited about moving now - if we could find the right place and it had a pool, how fantastic would that be?!!

Plans

i've been debating about whether to post these details here, but i talked to Sir about it and He had no objections. Plus, as these things are on my mind a lot at the moment it will probably do me good to have my blog readers know about them, so i can continue to post my thoughts and feelings and hopefully get some feedback.

Sorry for that ramble. What i'm trying to say is that Sir and i have been having lots of chats recently, concerning important plans and decisions we need to make about the future. So far these are the plans we are contemplating:

- during the Easter holidays i went to the doctor to have my Mirena implant removed. i am no longer on contraception, as we have decided to try for another baby. In the past i have gotten pregnant by Sir very easily, so i kind of expect to have further news on this sooner rather than later, but we'll see. Some people might be surprised at our decision to try for another baby, given all the challenges we currently face with Finn and William. We certainly had a lot to discuss before making this decision, but basically it boils down to: i've always wanted 4 children and feel that our family isn't complete yet and Sir is happy to have another child, Finn will be at nursery full-time in September and William will be starting special school part-time then so i'll have more time to devote to a newborn, both boys will probably not get any easier to manage as they get older and Sir and i won't be getting any younger or any fitter, also i like to have about 2-3 years between each child, so it just seems like the time is right.
- related to the previous point, Sir thinks it would be a good idea for us to move house. At first i was very doubtful, mainly because i feel settled here and don't like all the hassle and disruption of moving, plus i think it will be difficult to find a place which meets all our requirements. But with another baby in our future, it would make sense to move somewhere with more bedrooms, and as Sir explained to me yesterday there's no harm in getting our house valued and looking around at what's available. Sir is letting me draw up a list of 'must haves' for the new house, so this is what i've put down:
*in the countryside to give us some privacy, peace and access to woods and walks for the boys, but close enough to town that i can walk or catch the bus
*close enough to Poppy's school and Finn's proposed new nursery that i can drop off/collect them (and i do not drive)
*5 bedrooms so that as they grow up the children can have a room of their own, plus one for me and Sir
*the master bedroom to have an ensuite, plus another good-sized bathroom and an additional toilet
*a decent-sized garden with secure fencing or a wall, with room for a patio, lawn, flowerbeds, a vegetable patch plus space for the kids play equipment
*a good-sized kitchen that has space for all the family to sit around and bake together
*a room that can be made into a playroom for the children
*a room that can be made into a sensory/therapy room for William
*a lounge and separate dining room
*a study for Sir
*a separate utility room
*a secure separate space which we can make into a dungeon (if possible, though Sir has said He will sell our equipment if necessary).
Looking at that list it might be difficult to find the right place for us, but i am willing to go into it with an open mind and see.
- Sir thinks it would be a good idea for me to consider hiring a 'maternity nurse' for at least a few weeks after giving birth - i'd not really heard of one of these but looking into it it seems like a good idea to give me some help with caring for the new baby as well as dealing with Finn and William while i'm recuperating from giving birth. (On a separate note, Sir has said we could afford to get a nanny/housekeeper part-time if i wanted one, but unless there are difficulties with the new baby or Finn/William become too much for us to manage, then i would prefer to keep all the childcare within our own family).
- can't remember if i mentioned this before, but we've booked a holiday for the 5 of us this August - we're going to a holiday cottage in France for 2 weeks, close to the beach and the woods with plenty to do for the kids as well as places to visit that Sir and i will like, and the privacy and freedom to do what we want as we're in a private cottage. We're going to be away for the boys' birthday and i'm really looking forward to it. We'll take the ferry and Sir will drive us around in our car.

i think that's all for now, if i've forgotten anything i'll add it on later. Comments or opinions are welcome!

formspring issues and #92

So i'm not really sure where i'm at with formspring at the moment. A couple of months ago they sent me notification that they were closing down so i copied all my outstanding questions and prepared to work my way through them, but now suddenly they seem to be carrying on. Although the account isn't quite working in the way i would like because the question box in my sidebar seems to be more of a 'please join formspring' gadget rather than somewhere to leave questions. And i can no longer import my answers straight into blogger as that function seems to have disappeared on the formspring page.

For now i think i will keep my formspring account and widget, but if anyone knows of an alternative question and answer format that works better, please let me know. Here's the latest question i have answered:

How do you manage to balance a D/s lifestyle whilst bringing up young children? Must have its awkward moments.

If you read my current rules you will see how cleverly Sir has managed to intertwine our M/s relationship with being around young children most of the time. To be honest i don't think it's very difficult to do, no more so than keeping a normal adult relationship private from the kids. Basically there are some elements of my clothing and jewellery that are slave-related but so subtle that nobody would know, plus during the day i have rules that i must follow to keep me constantly reminded of what i am. But those rules again nobody on the outside would realise about, so my kids certainly don't. When Sir and i interact in front of the children we have very subtle ways of expressing who we are, which they don't pick up on. Once they are in bed then i strip naked and sit at Sir's feet and go into full slave protocol with the asking permission for things and referring to Him as 'Sir' or 'Master', etc. And every Sunday morning all 3 kids are out of the house so that's when i have my official training time or we get proper 'play' time in the dungeon/barn.

So far there haven't been any awkward moments where the kids have walked in on us at a tricky time or where they've found something that we've left lying around, etc. i think it's just a matter of being careful. Maybe in future one of those moments will happen, but we'll explain it as best we can, in terms that are suitable for the age they are.

Fun on the farm

Yesterday Sir and i took the kidlets to a local public farm for a family day out. All 3 of them love the farm - Poppy is very interested in animals and loves finding out facts about them. She especially likes the 'pets corner' and smaller animals, such as chinchillas and chipmonks. Finn loves the tractor ride, the sandpit, ride-on diggers and soft-play areas and he is especially attracted to large animals such as horses and cows. William loves listening to the animal noises, especially the ducks, watching the wind in the trees, being outside and feeling some of the animal fur (though some types he does not like).

We had a lovely time, the kids saw, stroked, petted, fed, rode, etc lots of animals, played in the various play areas, had lunch, watched some shows, went on the tractor ride and took part in the various Easter activities that were being held. We were walking back through the farm towards the giftshop, when there was a bit of a Finn incident that is funny in hindsight, but wasn't at the time (as so many of his 'incidents' are):

i turned around and couldn't see Finn, despite the fact he had been walking next to William's buggy a few seconds before. (Normally Finn wears a backpack with a strap attached which one of us keeps hold of at all times, but we'd been letting it go for some of the time at the farm - big mistake!). Then i heard him shouting, looked over and saw him inside the llama pen (definitely out of bounds - apparently he must have climbed over the fence). He was running full pelt across their field, pursued by the whole pack of llamas as he had a bag of animal food in his hand, and instead of being frightened, dear little Finn was finding it very exciting, infact he was cheering the llamas on, shouting "run labbas, runnnnnn!" and whooping with glee. Now i'm sure the llamas would just have grabbed the food bag and eaten it if they'd caught up with him but they looked very big and menacing chasing after my little bean! Sir had to climb into the enclosure and chase after Finn, luckily he managed to get to him before the llamas did and posted him back over the fence, then climbed out himself. Finn was none-the-worse for his escapade, infact he keeps talking about how he "raced da labbas, yessssssssssss?" and claims that he 'won' the race.

i caught most of it on video on my digital camera and it is funny to watch it back now, now that i know that there was a good outcome and he wasn't hurt at all. Maybe i should send some of his videoed antics to the appeals board at the Statementing panel, to show them just how his impulsiveness can lead to some sticky situations......

A little light....

... and things become clearer.

i went to the doctor for a check-up about a week ago, on Sir's orders, to see if my feeling down and tired and stressed out had a medical reason, not just the fact that things have been difficult in our family lately.

Turns out Sir was right yet again! The doctor sent me for a blood test to check my thryoxine levels (my thyroid gland doesn't work properly), which showed that my medication is too low and needed to be increased. i have been on the new dosage for several days now and it's starting to kick in. It feels like a curtain has been lifted and i can see things with a lot more clarity and persepective. And i feel so much better than i did before.

The constant heavy, tired feeling has gone. The gnawing stressed/anxious feeling in my tummy has also disappeared. i no longer have the verges of a headache all the time from being so frazzled. i'm sleeping well at night and actually waking up feeling refreshed. i'm able to enjoy all the good things in my life without constantly worrying about the difficulties. And when challenges do arise, such as with the children (someone being ill or William's seizures being bad or Finn/William having a meltdown or breaking something or having to appeal both boys' statements), i'm finding that i'm able to deal with them so much better now and then move on. my normal positive, optimistic mood has returned and life is good once more.

All this from increasing my daily dosage of a couple of little pills. i guess my thyroid gland affects me more than i had realised and i need to be more mindful of the fact that a prolonged stressed/down spell could be due to more than just what is happening in my life at the time.

So things are looking good around here. Sir is off work until Mon 8th April and we're planning to do lots of Easter and Spring activities with the kids. Starting with some baking today, followed by horse-riding lessons for me, Poppy and Finn at the farm down the road. Then tomorrow we'll do our traditional Easter Sunday activities and later in the week we're going to take the kidlets to a public farm and see all the chicks and lambs.

Oh and Sir and i had a chat and made an important decision about our future and the future of our family. More to come when there's some news on that front!

It's all about Him

So you may have noticed i haven't done anything to this blog in a little while. To be honest i've been in quite a funk recently, run off my feet, stressed out, finding it difficult enough just to cope with everything that's been happening in my daily life, that i've had no interest at all in even visiting here, let along writing or updating or whatever.

Things are still not great, but they're better than they were, i'm feeling a bit brighter and more optimistic and today i had the desire to post here. my first thought was to write about the events of the past few weeks, rant and moan, explain everything that's gone wrong. But for once i'm not going to do that. i don't think it would be helpful to me or interesting to you. So i'm moving on.

Instead i'm going to write (briefly, because things are still rather hectic around here) about a D/s topic: how in an M/s relationship the only thing that matters is the Master. Technically it doesn't matter that i've been feeling down and stressed recently, it doesn't matter that i've been struggling to cope with the issues of everyday life, let alone find time to do those little extra things for Sir that make me feel needed and Him feel served. If Sir wanted to He could ignore how i've been feeling, tell me to get on with it and expect everything to carry on as normal. To some extent He does do that because He doesn't let me wallow when i'm feeling down but He encourages me to carry on with my normal life of running the household, looking after the kids and serving Him. But He does support me, listen to me, pamper me, look after me and i'm lucky as a slave that He does.

i feel like i'm rambling here and not quite making my point, so i'm going to try instead by describing a couple of incidents recently, which hopefully will show how it's all about Him, even when things are feeling rough for me:

Incident 1: i'm woken up in the middle of the night by the feeling of Sir removing my butt plug, then replacing it with His hard cock pushing into my bottom, fairly hard and fast, over and over until He cums inside me, rolls me onto a towel to catch the leaks, then He turns over and falls asleep again.

Incident 2: i'm doing single-tail whip training with Sir when the kids are out of the house for the morning, but i'm struggling with it. Sir stops, put clamps on my nipples, tightens them and then tells me to 'get myself centred' while He flogs my pussy hard over and over. When he senses that i'm in a better headspace He removes the clamps and resumes with the whip as He was before.

Some people would be appalled at those examples, but then they're not slaves. For me it is comforting to know that Sir will use me as He likes no matter what mood i am in. That my feelings and struggles won't affect my service of Him because He won't allow that to happen. That He will still train me and use me as He wants, no matter how i am feeling inside.

At least i can still be a good slave when i feel like the rest of my life isn't going so great.

Struggling

Recently, and last week in particular, i have been struggling through each day and ending up feeling frazzled as a result of it. i think (and hope) it's just a combination of several bits of bad luck at once which have combined to make the past few weeks so difficult, but the worrying thing is that each week seems to be getting worse than the previous one. Last week however, was so difficult that i really and truly hope that's the end of it and i will have a good week next week to break the cycle. We'll see.......

Let's start with the boys. Finn has been going through a particularly tricky spell at the moment, where all of his more challenging behaviours have gone up a notch or two, resulting in quite a bit of damage to the house and contents and several aggressive outbursts involving myself, Sir, Poppy and William. To be honest, it is the aggression that worries me the most, especially when it is directed towards his siblings, and i was really upset to see him attack William because that's something he hasn't really done before and it is a big concern as William can't move around or fend him off so he is super vulnerable. At other times Finn is still the super sweet and loveable little rogue he always was and he still has a very caring and empathetic way of interacting with his twin. i just hope that side never disappears to be totally replaced by raging Finn. We're still waiting for his Statement to come through, or for our application to be rejected, so maybe we can get some more help then if the results are in our favour.

William has also had a tricky couple of weeks with regards to his temper tantrums and also his seizures. i don't know whether the two are related, because sometimes it seems that in the build up to a seizure he will be more cranky and easily agitated than normal. Some of the skills that we have been developing with William we just haven't seen during the past lot of therapy sessions, but again i hope that's temporary, due to his increased seizures, and they will reappear when he's feeling better. If there's no improvement in his seizures this week i'm going to take him to the doctor to ask to have his meds reassessed, because it could be that they're not working as effectively as they should or that he needs the dose increased. Once William's Statement comes through i'm going to start applying for a September place for him at a local special school and i really want the ABA therapy to be specified on the paperwork so that i know wherever he goes has to legally provide him with that, as i truly believe that is part of the reason he has done so well so far, as well as the input from the early intervention clinic (where he will continue to go until the age of 5).

Poppy is being her usual lovely, happy, bright self, but i can't help feeling guilty at the amount of time and energy i spend on the boys in comparison to her. i do make sure to set aside time when it's just me and Poppy doing activities, such as crafts and baking, but the rest of the time i feel that she gets a bit sidelined in the chaos of trying to deal with the needs of the twins and i worry about the effects that will have both on her self-esteem and her relationship with me. Sir helps out as much as He can when He's home, but even with the combined efforts of the two of us things can get out of control pretty quickly when both boys are being needy at once, and usually it would take both of us just to deal with one of them and keep the other safe, let alone try to do anything productive with Poppy at the same time. She never complains and she's so sweet with her brothers, but i can't help worrying that she will grow up resenting them for taking up all her mummy's time and attention.

Then we have Pickle - the newest addition to the family. Yes, Sir allowed me to get that cute baby rabbit i saw in the shop. And though i am happy He did because he is a super sweet little guy, the timing isn't great because it's hard to put in the amount of time needed to train him up when he's young at the moment when so much else is going on. i'm tending to just let him out for a hop round in the evenings when i'm using my laptop sat on the floor, hoping that will get him to trust me enough to proceed with other elements of training. But i wish i had time to do more with him. Maybe this week i will.

There you have it in a nutshell - the reason why i feel i am struggling rather than coping at the moment. Thanks for reading and thanks to one special person for the hug you sent me in an email - it helped more than you'll ever know.

formspring.me #91

So..... i got asked a question on formspring - something about meeting a potential Master for the first time in real-life and He hasn't been in contact since. What should she do?

tricky when i don't know the full circumstances. i would say get in contact with Him and ask! Find out what He thinks about visit, what His plans are for the future of your relationship (or not as the case may be) and take it from there. Infact, the same advice as for a vanilla first meeting if the guy didn't make contact with you after - nothing different about a potential BDSM relationship.

Hi, I enjoy your blog very much. I have some questions. - Are you ever allowed to slouch or must you always sit with your back completely straight at all times? - Is wearing a but plug uncomfortable and why do you only wear it at night? Thank you
i am allowed to slouch when i am relaxing, but then i tend to lay down or snuggle with Sir when He tells me to relax, rather than sit on the furniture. i don't really think about my posture when i'm sitting anymore because it's so natural to me to sit upright now. For the other part of the question: i am used to wearing a buttplug now, though it did take some getting used to in the beginning and i gradually worked up to being able to wear it all night. Occasionally Sir will insert a buttplug during our training or play sessions, but He hasn't required me to have one in during normal daily activities for a long time.

Are you a full time housewife or do you work?
Since having the twins i have been a full-time housewife and mummy, but before Poppy was born i worked in a nursery, running a special needs unit, and i returned to that job after having her. i do miss working sometimes, but my life is so busy with my family that i know it's the right decision for me not to have a job right now.

Are you ever required to sleep in a certain position and keep that position all night?

No, i wouldn't be able to because i move around so much in my sleep. Who can follow rules while they're sleeping?

Does your husband ever treat you like a lady when you are out such as opening doors for you, take you out and make you feel special now and again?
Sure, Sir is very romantic and does lots of things to make me feel special. He will hold doors open for me, help me with my coat, brush my hair for me, paint my toenails, send me to a spa, buy me presents, cook for me, etc. etc. But He does these things because He wants to, not because He feels obligated to by being my husband. That's the good thing about being a slave, i know He does everything He does because He wants to.

End of the year survey

1. What did you do this year that you've never done before?
took the kidlets to Disneyland Paris and Winter Wonderland, hired an ABA therapist for one of my children, went to the Olympics, toured the Harry Potter film studios.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i didn't make resolutions, but i did write a list of things i hoped to achieve this year - more on that in a separate post....
3. Did anyone close to you give birth this year?
my sister gave birth to her second little boy, Oscar, on 1st October. He is so gorgeous :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit this year?
France (Paris) at the beginning of the year. But our main family holiday was in this country.
6. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?
More time and more energy! Apart from that, i can't really think of anything.

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory and why?
1st October - the date my sweet little nephew Oscar was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
i can't really think of anything big i've achieved this year, which makes me sad in a way, but i have been really busy looking after the kidlets and serving Sir. i guess William's biggest achievement was learning to sit unaided, which i was a part of, so i'll say that.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major that i can recall.

10. What did you get really, really, really excited about this year?
Going to the Olympics, the birth of my new nephew Oscar, William meeting new milestones.

11. What song will always remind you of this year?
'We could be heroes' - i'll always remember the GB athletes walking in to that song during the opening ceremony of the Olympics.

12. Compared to this time last year are you:- happier or sadder? :- richer or poorer? :- thinner or fatter?
a bit happier i think - i'm really proud of my children's achievements and feel more 'settled' with my life; about the same financially, though William's therapies are really expensive; about the same weight though i would like to get a lil bit fatter.

13. What do you wish you'd done more of?
taking photos and videos of the children and putting them into albums to preserve the memories.

14. What do you wish you'd done less of?
i actually can't think of anything, which surprises me quite a bit.

15. Did you fall in love this year?
i am already in love with my Sir.

16. What was your favourite TV program for the year?
i haven't watched many TV programmes, but i recently signed up to 'Love Film' on my laptop and have been watching some series that i missed - i really enjoyed 'The Tudors' and am planning to watch 'Downton Abbey', '24', 'Prison Break' and others :)

17. What was the best book you read this year?
i enjoyed the 'Hunger Games' books and am looking forward to reading 'The Life of Pi'.

18. What was your favourite film of the year?
Skyfall - the James Bond film - and The Hobbit.

19. Who was the best new person you met this year?
Can't think of anyone new (except for a couple of people on the chatrooms).

20. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned for this year?
That sometimes people will get the wrong idea about me from my blog and then be disappointed when i don't become their new best friend for life, as they're expecting.

A busy Christmas

So i'm finally getting round to blogging about our Christmas. It seems that we've been just as busy since Christmas Day as we were before it, but we've all had an enjoyable time and now we're going to have a relaxed few days until Sir goes back to work next Wednesday.

i didn't think Finn would be able to wait until Christmas Day to be honest, he was sooooooo excited. i had to hide all the advent calendars and all the presents to stop him opening everything at once before the big day arrived. And i've lost count of the number of times he's launched himself at the tree trying to climb it, and pulling it to the floor in the process (hence we're taking it to a recycling centre this weekend). Also his hyperness just got completely out of hand in the week before Christmas and it was very hard to keep him safe and the house in one piece.

But on the actual day itself everyone was pretty well-behaved! The kids were awake early, mainly thanks to Finn who was bouncing round the house at 5am, so we brought them into our bed and opened up the presents from Santa in their stockings before breakfast. These are smaller gifts, like sweeties and little toys and crayons and hair things for Poppy and socks and so on, but all 3 kids were content to look at and explore these gifts before breakfast. Then we sat round the tree and opened up the rest of the Santa presents (except for William who had a big seizure during breakfast, so was sleeping).

Finn had asked for a 'real' dinosaur, but we ended up getting him some toy ones, plus lots of books and puzzles and models, etc about dinosaurs and he was content. We tried to explain to him again that real dinosaurs don't exist anymore because they all died out, but i don't think he understands about extinction yet. Finn also got some transport toys (he still loves trains and trucks), some Elmo toys (his favourite TV character) and plenty of 'boy' toys. He was very happy with his loot and actually spent quite a bit of time Christmas morning playing with his things rather than zooming round the house like a loony, as usual!

Poppy had asked for some Peppa Pig toys (her favourite TV show), some new models for her Sylvanian family collection and a farm set. She also got lots of arts and crafts materials, books, clothes, things for her dollies and 'girly' gifts. Poppy has lots of interests including reading, drawing, painting, crafts, nature, music, roleplay, etc. and we tried to cater to all of her interests with the presents we bought. She was also a very happy girl and played nicely with her toys and did a good job of keeping both boys occupied while i sorted out the Christmas dinner - what a good girl :)

William, when he woke up and we helped him open his presents, got sensory toys, water toys, musical toys and educational toys. He showed interest in some of them (it often takes him a while to get used to new things) and was happy to let us help him play with them. William was content and relaxed all morning, which is good for him because often changes to routines can make him very temperamental and cranky.

i got lots of lovely presents, including bath stuff, clothes, handbags, shoes, jewellery, vouchers and pretties :) Sir also seemed happy with the things He got, so we all did well and were lucky.

i cooked Christmas dinner with a bit of help from Sir and it was really nice. Even William ate some and Finn tried some sprouts this year without throwing them at the wall, like he did last year! There was plenty and we were all very full by the time we were done! In the afternoon we watched some Christmas TV together and played with their toys some more, then we all went out for a little walk round the village to calm down before bedtime. All the kids went to bed pretty early Christmas night, i think they were all worn out!

Since then we have had friends and family over, exchanged yet more gifts with them, eaten up most of the Christmas leftovers, munched through most of the Christmas snacks table, gone sales shopping and got a few good bargains and watched more Christmas TV and films. Overall it's been a lovely family Christmas and we've enjoyed spending time with each other. Once again, i've been reminded how lucky i am to have my little family, despite the challenges that we face with the boys. And in the middle of the Christmas week the paperwork arrived for me to fill in about getting William and Finn statemented, which is the first step in getting them the help and support they both need.

So next year is looking good too :)

i hope everyone had a great Christmas and that you will have a good New Year too.

xxx

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

and we've had a very busy few weeks leading up to the big day, but everything is ready now - all the food bought, all the presents wrapped, everything waiting for tomorrow.

We've been taking the kidlets to lots of Christmassy events to get them in the mood (not that Finn needs much encouragement to get excited about Christmas), as i feel this is the time to really let them enjoy the magic of Christmas, when they still believe in Santa and feel that anything can come true. In recent weeks we've been to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, to Willows Farm which does lots of Christmas things, to visit Santa's Grotto in several different places, to the pantomime, to see the Christmas lights switched on and out to play in the snow (for the one day of snow we've had so far!)

Finn asks everyday when "Sannie" is coming with his "dogs" (he means reindeer) and he has asked for a real dinosaur for Christmas. We had a bit of a dilemma on the best way to fulfil his wish, but think he will be happy with the presents he gets. Finn's hyperness seems to have gone into overdrive the more excited he gets about Christmas and we have had to hide all the advent calendars and Christmas presents to stop him tearing them all open in one big rush. That hasn't stopped him from wreaking other types of destruction all over the house however; his latest games are throwing himself at the Christmas tree in an attempt to climb it (inevitably ending up underneath it as it falls - "tree goes booooooom!"), tipping packets of food all over the floor and treading through the resultant mess and throwing any object he can get hold of down the stairs (not checking whether anyone is on them first). But he remains a loveable little rogue, full of joy and happiness and difficult to be cross with.

Poppy is excited about Christmas too but in a more reserved older sister type way! She has asked for a range of presents related to arts and crafts, nature and science and her favourite TV characters, and we have got her a few surprises too. Poppy played the part of an angel in her school nativity play and was very very sweet during the special angel song and dance they did. She has also been drawing lots of Christmas pictures, which we have on display all round the house and has decided to leave out one carrot per reindeer (13 in all) plus a mince pie for Santa tonight! Poppy has really enjoyed all the special Christmas outings we have been on and always whispers into Santa's ear for him to 'help William's head and sort out Finn's hypers" - bless her.

William doesn't really understand about Christmas and he has been getting a bit stressed out by all the noise and changes, but he loves all the lights and the music. William is getting a range of sensory, educational and fun toys tomorrow, which we will help him open in stages so he doesn't get too overwhelmed. And if he needs to he can spend some quiet time up in his sensory room.

We're planning to have a fairly relaxed Christmas day at home tomorrow, just the 5 of us, with a traditional Christmas dinner, presents-opening spread throughout the day, watching some TV and playing with the kids' new toys. And an early bedtime for the kidlets as i know they will be up early (Finn got up at 3:30am this morning!).

Merry Christmas everyone :)

Winter Wonderland

So we had a very Christmassy weekend with the kidlets, as we took them to 'Winter Wonderland' in Hyde Park in London on Saturday.

Although the train journey was a bit stressful with William's buggy and Finn trying to run everywhere, and it was also quite difficult keeping Finn safe in the crowds there, the kids had a great time and i felt very Christmassy looking at all the things there.

Poppy and Sir had pre-booked tickets to go iceskating, so we went there first and me and the boys had fun watching them skate round and round. Then we went to 'Santa Land' which is the kiddie section and full of fairground rides, games and stalls that were perfect for our kidlets. The rides were quite expensive, but the kids had a great time and spent quite a while enjoying them and they all got to meet Father Christmas too, who was a really good authentic looking one and we got a great photo of all 3 of them with him. Then we checked out the sweetie stall and bought some lollipops and some gingerbread and went to a cool Barvarian restaurant for lunch - we had hotdogs and chips and drinks and hot chocolate. We looked round the rest of the place and went on some more rides, including a really cool kiddie rollercoaster-type one and a couple of 'fun houses' which Finn found hilarious, but got him rather hyper. William enjoyed all the lights and music and I enjoyed looking at the handmade craft stalls, buying some beautiful Christmas decorations and ornaments and Sir treated me to some really posh marzipan sweets.

Then we'd all had enough of Winter Wonderland, especially as it was getting crazy busy with loads more people entering, so we decided to call it a day. Overall, it was a lovely day and we all had a great time and are looking forward to Christmas even more than we were before.

16 more sleeps till Christmas (or as Finn would say "till Sannie and his dogs" - he means the reindeers!)

Control

No, not me being controlled... this post is about Finn, so if you're looking for juicy BDSM details you might want to skip this post.

Still reading? OK. So you know how Finn is super-hyper, a mini whirlwind of destruction due to his ADHD? Now imagine that unleashed in a supermarket.... scary huh? This post is about a little incident that occured when i was picking up a few things in the supermarket with William and Finn in the week (and i think it shows how i'm not always the sweet little libby that everyone thinks i am!).

Just to set the scene: William is sitting in the child seat on the front of the shopping trolley, Finn is walking next to the trolley wearing his special backpack with a strap attached, which i am holding onto the other end to stop him running off, and i am pushing the trolley, keeping hold of Finn and grabbing the items we need as quickly as possible. Finn is doing his usual, which means he is grabbing things from the shelves, singing, shouting, jumping, rolling, running, trying to climb the shelves, attempting to run off, crawling under the trolley, etc. etc and i am doing my best to keep him under some semblance of control and get the shopping done without anything being broken. Also i have to keep an eye on William because he doesn't like the bright lights of those shops and sometimes they can bring his seizures on if he looks at them too long.

In the midst of all this i become aware of a couple of women in their late 40s/ early 50s staring at us and whispering between themselves. i catch some phrases such as 'can't control him....', 'badly behaved.....' and 'I could show her......'. Then one of them comes over and asks me if i need any help with getting my shopping done, so i smile sweetly and ask her to take charge of Finn for me whilst i finish finding the rest of the items on my list. To be fair, i did tell her that he has ADHD (to which she said "don't half the kids apparently have that nowadays?") and warned her to keep a tight hold on the end of the strap else she would have to chase him all over the store. She then asked me for some items for her and Finn to go and find, so i told her a couple and then stood back to watch the fun begin.

Finn took one look at this woman, judged that he could get away with anything around her and went into super-crazy mood, to which the woman responded with "No, you mustn't do that......" and when that didn't have any effect seemed to have no further ideas of what to do to 'control' him. So Finn is now grabbing items off shelves, trying to rip packets open, climbing up stacks of goods, rolling along the aisles, shouting out the names of any food item he sees, taking items out of other people's baskets and throwing items into other people's trolleys.... while this woman attempts to put everything back where it belongs, whilst apologising to everyone else involved, keep Finn on his feet and look for the items i have asked her to find. i actually found it quite difficult to keep a straight face watching her call out "jam... jam... we need to find the jam" to an out-of-control Finn who couldn't care less about jam at that moment. Then the woman let go of the end of the backpack strap and Finn was off like a rocket with the woman in hot pursuit. Obviously then i was worried because Finn is super-fast and very difficult to catch but luckily i managed to head him off down the next aisle and capture him again before he could do too much damage. Then i thanked the woman for her 'help', grabbed the last couple of items on my list and headed for the tills.

The last thing i heard before we walked away was the woman meeting up with her friend, looking rather frazzled, to say 'goodness me, i don't know how she does it!', which made me grin to myself. Maybe i was a little mean to her, but sometimes there's no other way to show people what my life is like than to give them a little taster for themselves.

Behind the screen

i think sometimes that we can forget that the people we know from blogs, online chatrooms etc. we don't really *know*. We just build up a picture of them in our minds, imagine what they must be like and it feels like we know them because of that picture and also because we come to know lots of 'facts' about them through reading their blogs or chatting about their lives. Of course, it is possible to build true friendships with people we only talk to on the internet and there are people who manage to have a long-distance D/s relationship through online and other means (phone, cam, etc).

But i think it's important to bear in mind that the image you construct of me from this blog is not the real me. You feel like you know me, but you really don't. i could walk past you in the street and you wouldn't recognise me, we could meet in real-life and i would likely be very different from what you'd imagined. i say this because often i get people emailing me as a result of this blog, wanting to be friends, to chat through emails, to get to know me better. And i'm fine with that, i'll ask and answer questions, i'll reply to emails, i'll make correspondences that way. But after a while they fizzle out - firstly because it's a very difficult way to make and maintain a friendship, secondly because they feel like they know me whereas to me it's like talking to a stranger, and often because i don't turn out to be the person they expected me to be, i don't behave in the way they think i will and they end up disappointed.

i'm also cautious about accepting everything i read online as being true. i know of a few cases where a popular D/s blogger has turned out to be not the person they represented themselves as (i.e. not the gender they wrote as, or not involved in the relationships they claimed to be). And this has also happened on the online chatrooms i go to, that people who have claimed to be in a real-life D/s relationship turn out to have lied and misrepresented themselves and those they claim to be involved with.

So i guess i would urge caution. No, i'm not making up the things i blog about here... but at the same time i am selective in what i write about, and the imagined 'libby' in your head is not the real me.

That's all.

Service

i've finally figured out what others have probably known about me for a while: i am primarily a service-oriented slave/submissive. i have a deep desire, an inbuilt need, a natural characteristic to serve, help and please others. And so long as i am doing that and that others let me know that i have helped them and they are pleased with me, than i can be content. Even if there's not much of the other slave trappings in my life (play, pain, floggings, dungeons, parties, training, nakedness, kneeling, bondage, toys, etc), so long as i can still be of service to others, and in particular my Master most of all, then i am happy.

i don't know why it's taken me so long to figure this out. i guess i finally realised it on the BDSM chatroom the other day when i compared myself to the other subs in there and realised that my reason for being there was completely different to any of their's. They were there to have fun, to flirt, to scene, to be Dominated in a sexual way (cyber-sex), to get their kinks and fetishes fulfilled. i was there to chat with friends, to relax and to help. Infact helping is now my main role and reason for being in that chatroom - i am affectionately termed the 'helpslut' (but have also assigned myself 24 other 'jobs' within the channel), and love to help reinforce the rules of the room, assist new people, diffuse arguements and generally keep the room ticking over nicely. i love to receive praise for what i've done, not to show off to others as i'm quite happy for the praise to be private, but so that i know i've done my job well. And i also like to think that i am special in my role and that nobody else could perform it as well as me (though i doubt that last one is probably true!).

Being a service-oriented slave has its advantages as it means that my BDSM role can be more easily adapted to changes in life circumstances (such as having children) than a sex-oriented, play-oriented, pain-oriented, kink-oriented, etc. role would be able to. And it also means that i can 'serve' my Sir in public, around other people, in front of the kids, without others becoming suspicious. They just see us performing ultra-traditional roles of husband and wife.

Now that i've figured this out i'm going to think how i can extend my service to Sir, in all aspects of our lives. And how i can meet my service needs outside of my time with Sir, to make me more happy and content in general.

Finn's therapy schedule

So a little while back i posted William's therapy schedule on this blog (and have updated it as things have changed). William currently receives 1 hour physio, 1 hour speech therapy and 30mins hydrotherapy per week via the early intervention clinic and we pay for him to receive 5 hours ABA and 1 hour osteopathy per week, plus i spend time with him daily in the sensory room, giving him aromatherapy massages and doing floortime/intensive interaction. And there are a couple of clubs we go to (baby gymboree and stories and songs club). And we now go swimming as a family first thing every Sunday. We have definitely seen the benefits of William's therapies as he is achieving things which the doctors doubted would be possible for him and he is only 2, so we are hopeful that he will eventually learn to walk and maybe even to talk in future, if we continue.

Since Finn's ADHD diagnosis, and on the advice of the specialist consultant, we have been trying to set up a therapy programme for him as well, albeit less intense than William's. We are aware that physical exercise and certain types of sensory activities help to calm some of Finn's 'whirlwind' tendencies and enable him to sit, listen and engage better than he would otherwise. However, the effects of these activities tend to wear off after a couple of hours, so Finn needs short bursts of therapy throughout the day, interspersed with learning and daily activities, to enable him to get the most out of his day. He now has a 1:1 support assistant for 1 1/2 hours at nursery each morning and he still comes home every afternoon to spend time with me and William, except Thursday afternoons when his grandparents take him to the park while me and William go to stories and songs club (Finn has become too boisterous for this club). Sir takes Finn out for an activity as soon as He gets home from work, which helps him to be calmer for dinner and most of the evening. Here is Finn's therapy schedule which we are currently trialling (items in bold are carried out by his support assistant at nursery):

Monday:
Body-brushing - before nursery
Trampolining - on arrival at nursery
Sensory play - during morning at nursery
Outside play - during morning at nursery
Baby Gymboree club - afternoon
Visit to the duck-pond - before dinner
Aromatherapy bath and body brushing - before bed

Tuesday
Body-brushing - before nursery
Trampolining - on arrival at nursery
Sensory play - during morning at nursery
Outside play - during morning at nursery
Aromatherapy massage - after lunch
Play in the park - before dinner
Aromatherapy bath and body brushing - before bed

Wednesday
Body-brushing - before nursery
Trampolining - on arrival at nursery
Sensory play - during morning at nursery
Outside play - during morning at nursery
Play in the garden - afternoon
Walk in the woods - before dinner
Aromatherapy bath and body brushing - before bed

Thursday
Body-brushing - before nursery
Trampolining - on arrival at nursery
Sensory play - during morning at nursery
Outside play - during morning at nursery
Walk and play in the park with grandparents - afternoon
Visit to the horses - before dinner
Aromatherapy bath and body brushing - before bed

Friday
Body-brushing - before nursery
Trampolining - on arrival at nursery
Sensory play - during morning at nursery
Outside play - during morning at nursery
Aromatherapy massage - after lunch
Walk along the river - before dinner
Aromatherapy bath and body brushing - before bed

Saturday
Body-brushing - after breakfast
Family outing
Play in the garden - before dinner
Aromatherapy bath and body brushing - before bed

Sunday
Body-brushing - after breakfast
Swimming - after breakfast
Outing with grandparents (park/walk)
Play in the garden - before dinner
Aromatherapy bath and body brushing - before bed

i've been reflecting on my situation quite a lot recently. And by 'situation' i mean everything - my marriage, my family, my daily life, my submission, my M/s relationship. The word i would use to sum up my life at the moment and more
important how i feel about it is 'settled'.

That doesn't sound very exciting, and i guess it's not. But to me 'settled' means contentment, it means security, it means dependability, it means have a solid foundation, it means knowing where i stand, it means i can be who i truly am and feel positive about the future. And i would take that anyday over excitement, risk, glamour, thrills and adventure.

In the stories slaves are always naked, kneeling at their Master's feet, getting used and flogged and teased and fucked every day, going to play parties and orgies and chained up in dungeons, never knowing what their Master might require of them next but always ready and willing to serve. And when i first took Sir's collar that was pretty much how i thought my life would go. i wanted long lists of rules and regulations to follow, slave positions to learn and practise, regular 'play' sessions in the dungeon, training and conditioning and molding, invitations to play parties and such-like. i got some of that in the beginning, before we decided to start a family together and our lives became more about nappies, toys and children's TV than about M/s.

But i wouldn't change my current life for that past one. If we hadn't had children together, i imagine that my life now would involve more of the slave elements than it currently does, there would likely be more nudity and kneeling, more play and serving, more training and parties. But i don't think having all that would have made me any more fulfilled than i am at present. You see, though i am a slave and have a deep desire to serve, i am also a person and a woman. Which means i also desire to be a good wife and a mother, to have friends and spend time with my family, to maintain my house and care for my family, to have a life beyond and outside of my slavery.

i am so proud to be married to my Sir, grateful to have 3 beautiful children, happy that i get time to spend with my real-life and online friends. i enjoy cooking and cleaning, caring for my children, going on family outings and holidays, spending time at home with my children, all the 'vanilla' things that most people enjoy. But underlying everything i do is the knowledge that i am a slave, that i am owned by my Sir and that He has control over me. i automatically follow the rules He set for me, without thinking about it, i have many little routines and rituals woven into my daily life by Him, i defer to Him and ask His permission for anything i require, i do everything in the way He wants, i accept His orders without question, all whilst carrying out my roles of housewife and mummy. i feel my slavery in everything i do and no longer need the outward trappings of play parties, kneeling naked or constant use to keep me in the 'slave' mindset.

And i am much more settled because of it. i know who and what i am, i have the life i desire (both in M/s terms and in more vanilla ones), i am a well-rounded person with many roles, but deep inside i am always always His slave. He knows it and so do i, and that's all that matters.

Happy Halloween!

Saturday we had a Halloween party at our house and invited all the local families, plus Poppy's friends from school, Finn's friends from nursery and William's special needs buddies from the clinic. We had quite a full house! It was a kids' party really, but all the grown-ups came dressed up and enjoyed themselves too. i love Halloween, i think it's such a fun celebration and you can be really creative with all the decorations.

Finn chose a ghostie outfit to wear and spent all week practising his "Boo!" and jumping out on people from behind the door. He was the most excited about the party and requested "spider cakes" (which looked something like those in the photo) and "bat sandwiches" (though in the end we did bat, cat and ghost sandwiches using cookie cutters). We also had jelly with Halloween sweeties in, Halloween 'punch' and other more traditional party food like pizza, sausage rolls and salad. We hid sweeties round the house for the kids to find and put in their collecting buckets and we played 'pass the parcel' and 'musical bats'. We spent ages decorating the house, both outside and inside, and it looked really good when we'd finished. And of course we had plenty of carved pumpkins around the place, which the kids helped me do during the week (though William had a meltdown when a bit of the inside went on his hand).

All in all it was a great party, though lots of work and lots to clean up the next day. But the main thing is that the kids enjoyed themselves, including William who can find parties challenging. And Finn's Halloween obsession is now sated and he has moved onto asking about Christmas (he wants a dinosaur from Santa - "a real one" - which could prove a little tricky. Not quite sure how to explain extinction to a 2-year old......)

Happy Halloween everyone :)

Poor neglected blog :(

i haven't been posting properly on this blog for a while now, or keeping the sidebar updated either. i always feel really guilty when that happens because i know how much i hate it when a blog i like goes quiet, and if it continues for too long then i end up deleting that blog from my reading list.

Also, i've noticed before how blogging about something can help me clarify my thoughts about it - whether it be a problem, a concern, a question, a confusing issue or even just something which has happened in my life. So i think that blogging is therapeutic for me in a way.

Put these two facts together and i have decided that i have neglected this blog for too long and want to do something about it. So i am going to make an effort to post here at least twice a week, about a range of subjects (BDSM and non-BDSM related), reply to questions and comments more punctually and keep my sidebar updated (things like 'my week' and 'best of other blogs').

Please feel free to leave comments and suggestions of what you would like me to post about or how i could improve this blog. And thanks for still reading here!

libby
xxxx

formspring.me #90

What is your fav safety word?

As in my favourite safeword out of all the ones i've ever used? Because i only have one, which is 'red' and was given to me by my Master.
Or my favourite safeword which i've ever heard about? Not sure really.... the idea of having something like 'you bastard!' as a safeword tickles me, but in reality i wouldn't be able to use it and it kind of deflects from the purpose of a safeword, which is to protect the sub from genuine harm. To read more about my thoughts on safewords, see here: http://libbysub.blogspot.co.uk/2007/01/safewords.html

You should post about your children in a clean blog so they can someday see what you've written about them without having to know about your sexual proclivities. Are you sure they are both of your husband's seed?

Firstly, how do you know i don't have other 'clean' blogs about my children? If i did/do i would hardly link to them here, would i?
Secondly, i have 3 children, but 2 of them are twins. And yes i am sure they are all Sir's (rather a rude question, btw) as i do not have any sexual partners except for Sir.

From reading your various blogs posts, I noticed that you are part of a high income household (i.e: £90 000+). Do you believe that your financial situation facilitates your lifestyle (e.g.: dungeon, array of toys, privacy from neighbours, etc)?

i'm not sure where you got the idea that we fall into that income bracket. i do not work and though Sir has a good job, i doubt He earns that much. Though to be honest, i don't actually know His salary. i hate talking about money, i find it quite a vulgar topic, but suffice it to say we are able to live a comfortable, though not lavish, lifestyle. By which i mean, if the kids need new shoes we can buy them without any bother, but if the washing-machine blows up we would need to tighten our belts a bit to be able to afford a new one.
As for whether Sir's salary has facilitated our lifestyle, i don't think it has apart from the fact that we are able to have a private 'dungeon' (not that we get the time to make much use of it these days) and we perhaps have a few more 'toys' than we would otherwise have. But to be honest i would still be just as much of a slave without these pieces of equipment, so i don't think money has that much effect on a M/s relationship.

Thank you so much for your posts. How can I subscribe to your blog?

There's a button in the sidebar for that.

I really like your blog, would you mind if I link to it?

Not at all, i love to be linked to! Also, for those of you out there who have your own blogs, please feel free to send me the link and i will check them out and possibly add them to my feeds or blogroll.

now that your boys are almost 2, and poppy starts pre-k, do you think you will have more kids?
That's something that Sir and i have thought about a lot as we always planned to have 4 children. And i am super broody for another baby after meeting little Oscar this weekend (my sister's new baby boy). The timing just isn't right at the moment, not to mention the fact that we wouldn't have enough time/energy/money to devote to a new little one right now. Poppy is fairly easy as kids go, but William needs a lot of time and attention and his therapies cost a lot of money, plus i'm always taking him to various appointments. Finn has just been diagnosed with ADHD so he needs additional support as well, and we just don't know what the immediate future holds for either of them. i would say that once the boys are in school too we can think seriously about whether to try for another baby or not.

Thanks for all the questions, more responses soon!

Auntie libs....

.... again! Last night i got a phone call to say my sister was going down the hospital because her baby was on its way. Then this morning i got another call to say it was here! A lil boy called Oscar, weighing 6lbs 8oz was born at 8;10am, almost exactly 1 year after his big brother Callum was born. i've seen a couple of photos of him and he is realllll cute, but going to wait till this weekend to go visit to give them some time together.

Very happy start to the week for auntie libs :)

Crazies

Sorry it's been a while since i last updated this blog, but life got mega crazy for a few weeks and it was all i could do to get through each day. Things seem to be settling down a bit now, so i've finally been able to update my diary and best of other blogs sections in the sidebar, tweet, and am now going to use this post to briefly update everyone on where things are at in the libby household.

- Poppy has started school! i was feeling excited for her, but mainly nervous that she wouldn't enjoy it and sad that my little girl has got all grown up too fast. But she has a really lovely teacher and because it's a small village school there are only 10 children in her class, so i think that will help her to get the individual attention she needs. She skipped into school on her first day and has been very happy about returning each day since, telling us all about what she has learnt over dinner each evening and bringing home various arts and crafts she has made as well as copious notes from the teacher, requests to send things in and such like. The school have already identified Poppy as a 'gifted and talented' child, so she is withdrawn from some lessons to receive special tutorage on an individual or small group basis in order to encourage her to pursue her interests and meet her full potential. Overall, i am very happy with how Poppy is doing at school and everything they are doing for her.

- Finn had a comprehensive assessment with a consultant who specialises in behavioural and attention disorders in young children. It was a long day, consisting of lots of questions, observations and tests, which Finn took part in with his usual enthusiasm and energy, though it was obvious that his hyperness prevented him from attempting most of the tasks sufficiently. Basically i was frustrated because i know he is a bright boy, but it seemed like he wasn't able to show that due to the way the tests were constructed. The upshot of it was that Finn was diagnosed with ADHD-HI, which means that he is primarily affected by the hyperactivitiy and impulsiveness elements, and not so much by the attention problems, though those are still present. The consultant said it was the most obvious case he had seen in a child of Finn's age and he recommended we apply to get him 'statemented' (formal paperwork specifying his special needs and setting out the support he will be given as a result). He also gave us lots of ideas on ways we can try to manage Finn's hyperness and structure his day so that he is able to have some periods of relative calm when he is able to work on more traditional learning tasks. i was very relieved when the consultant said that Finn is clearly super-intelligent and the focus now should be on how to enable him to fulfill his potential despite his ADHD.
Sir and i have discussed the recommendations and have applied to have Finn statemented. We have also compiled a 'sensory and physical diet' plan for Finn, comprising physical activities such as trampolining, running, walking outside and horse-riding which we know calm Finn down, as well as sensory play opportunities such as water play, body brushing, squeezing and weighted objects which also seem to help him concentrate better. Some of these activities are carried out at nursery and some at home and we have just started to try them out this week, but already i think there is a noticeable improvement in Finn so am feeling very optimistic right now.

- William has had a mixed few weeks: good on the seizures front which has meant it has been a while since he had a big one and he has seemed able to recover from the smaller ones quicker than before. This has meant that we have been able to fit in more productive therapy sessions with him and there have been noticeable improvements in his sitting balance and use of his hands. But i can't help feeling that William becomes more autistic every day and it's like he's slowly slipping away from me. His eye contact is definitely worse than it used to be, i can't remember the last time he smiled *at* me and although he still enjoys cuddles be prefers to face away from me and act as if i'm not really there. i know these things are normal for kiddies with autism, but it still hurts when it's my little guy doing them. On top of that his tantrums are getting worse and i'm worried he's really going to hurt himself with his head-banging one of these days. But on the plus side, William's new special needs buggy is working out well and enabling us to get out of the house lots and all of his check-ups have gone well so far (a couple more to go). So, mixed news on the William front.

Well, i seem to have run out of steam here, but just wanted to say thanks for sticking with me and i promise not to leave it so long between posts again!