September 17, 2006
A gift?
i read something today that made me stop and think for quite a while.
Sir always told me that my submission is a special gift, which i offer to a Dominant when i agree to become collared by Him, and which He then looks after and treasures. i really like this idea because it shows that being submissive is special and is something that not everyone has, and it emphasises that it is the submissive who gives her submission rather than the Dominant taking it from her. But, there were some opinions put forward in the article i read which seemed to challenge this idea, so i wanted to discuss them here (i have paraphrased them):
1) 'the notion that a Master should cherish and value the gift of submission offered to Him is wrong.' - this worries me because surely if a Master doesn't value what His submissive has offered to Him, He will not value her either. i need my Master to value me as a person, so He can guide me and nurture me and act in my best interests. If He doesn't value me and love me, i can see that i would quickly become miserable in the relationship. To me, both people have a right to be happy in a M/s relationship, not just one of them.
2) 'Dominants don't need submissives to do Them the favour of serving Them - that is a privilege They give to the sub.' - i agree that a M/s relationship is a two-way thing, with both parties giving and receiving. i give Sir my submission and obedience, He gives me His Dominance and control. But i do think this needs to work both ways, so the sub is giving the Dom something by serving Him, while at the same time the Dom gives the sub the opportunity to do so.
3) 'the submissive has the power to revoke her gift, and therefore she is really the one running the relationship.' - this one made me think quite hard, but in the end i decided i disagree. The 'gift' of my submission is something i will only give once to Sir, when i agreed to be collared by Him. i will not take back my gift, because it is no longer mine to take, but if the relationship does not work out despite both our best efforts i may ask Him to release me. i do not see this as being the same thing as revoking my gift, since all the times i have submitted to Him will be His to keep. And i certainly do not run the relationship, although i am permitted to voice my feelings and opinions regularly. It is up to Sir what He chooses to do about acting on those opinions or not.
To sum up i would say that i do see submission as a gift, offered to one Dominant at any one time, given with the intent that it will be a lasting gift, but with the option of the Dominant releasing the sub from further service if necessary.
{While reading 'SM101: A Realistic Introduction' as part of my weekly 'study' time, i found the following quote, which i think backs up what i am saying, even though it is written about the Dom, not the sub:
'to be skillfully erotically dominated is to receive a gift.' (Jay Wiseman)}
Posts
1 comments:
Firstly, libs, to reiterate that there are many different opinions about D/s relationships and aspects of them. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's your understanding of an issue which is important.
7:55 AMHaving said that, I agree with all 3 of the points you raise here about statements made in the article. Debates about whether submission is a 'gift' or not have been raging for a long time, and will no doubt continue in future. To Me, the 'gift' idea is just one metaphor to help some people come to a deeper understanding of submission - the fact that the metaphor is not useful for all people does nothing to detract from it, nor does it mean it is 'wrong'.
Personally I like the 'gift' idea, for the same reasons you have stated: it indicates that submission is a talent, emphasises the free-will involved in the submissive agreeing to become collared, shows that the Dominant also has needs which can only be met by the involvement of another person, encourages the Dominant to look after the special and fragile present He has received.
It is when people talk about the constant renewal of that gift everyday that I think the metaphor falls down. If a submissive sees herself as continually deciding whether to give her gift to the Dominant, or to stop giving it, then issues of power and control come into play. This is when people ask "in that case who is really running the relationship?", and quite legitimately in My opinion. But what really happens, as you rightly state, is that the submissive offers her 'gift' once to the Dominant when she is collared, and once He has accepted it that gift is His to keep. It's similar to a marriage, where the gift is also one of commitment. Very few people would see themselves as constantly deciding whether to keep giving their spouse that gift, or whether to revoke it. The underlying understanding is that once given, that gift stays given, and no longer belongs to the one who gave it.
Hope I have been clear here, lil' one. My brain is rather full of work issues at the moment, as you know. If you want to discuss any of these points, we can chat about it later.
Post a Comment