A bad experience

October 26, 2006

A bad experience

Yesterday we started the 'new experiences' sessions. Sir decided to start with using a single-tail whip on me (i'm told it was a 4' signal whip with the cracker removed).

He took it nice and slow, using His hand to warm my bottom up first, alternated with lots of touching and stroking, so i was feeling nice and aroused and my bottom was warm and throbbing. He had me touch and smell and kiss and hold the whip whilst He was doing this, and then He stood in front of me and let me watch whilst He whooshed the whip around a bit. And at that point i was excited and feeling ready.

So then He started to gently whip my bottom. Which was fine to start with because it didn't hurt, but when He increased the harshness of the strikes a little i really didn't like the feeling. It was a cutting, burning sting, which felt horrible, so i called "yellow", and we talked about the problem, and agreed to try it on my tits instead because i tend to like 'sting' on my tits and 'thud' on my bottom. So Sir spent some time stroking and pinching and slapping my tits to get them ready, (and He did some more touching elsewhere to get me aroused again), and then we tried again. The pain felt much better on my tits than it had on my bottom, although it started to get too intense for me very quickly. But the main problem was the way it made me feel to be whipped. There was a sense of 'wrongness' which grew and grew the longer it went on, and it was making me feel very bad - it's hard to describe, but it was a kind of worthless, ashamed feeling - and it was also making me panic. So i called "red", although actually i didn't need to because Sir realised i was in trouble and stopped just before i said it. And then i burst into tears and curled up into a little ball on the floor. Sir picked me up and took me into the house, and held me in His arms until i was calm.

It took about an hour for me to stop shaking and crying, and another hour to fully get rid of the 'worthless, ashamed' and the panicky feelings. i explained as best as i could to Sir how it had made me feel, and He said there must be some negative association in my mind with that type of whip, for me to react so strongly, but i have no conscious knowledge of that. i like the look, smell and feel of the whip, i like to watch it in action, it's just the feeling of it being used on me i don't like. And it's not entirely to do with the pain thing, because i've felt much worse pain than that (although not as intensely cutting as the whip pain was), and Sir really hadn't used it very hard at all - not even enough to leave any marks (there were faint red lines but they faded after about an hour). So....... that was the first of the new sessions :( i just hope next week's goes better.