A loving Dominant?

March 16, 2007

A loving Dominant?

A 'newbie' exploring sub recently wrote to Sir asking Him to explain to her how it is He can love me and be affectionate towards me without contradicting the D/s dynamic our relationship is based on.
Apparently she understood and accepted my love and affection for Him but not the other way round, not until Sir replied to her and helped her to understand. Sir asked me to write a post giving my views on the question, which has taken me a few days because it's quite a complex one in my mind, but i'm going to give it my best shot....

Firstly i can see how in some D/s relationships there is no love between the two - i think it is entirely possible to submit to or Dominate someone you are not in love with, and for that relationship to continue without either of the two developing romantic feelings for the other. i don't think this would be very common, but i think it is possible and that relationships like that do exist out there. Having said that i can also see why love is an essential part of many D/s relationships including the one i have with Sir, because in my view the love adds to and enhances the relationship and something would be missing if it wasn't there. In theory i would be able to submit to a Dom i do not love, infact i have submitted to one of Sir's Dom friends several times and i regularly submit to online Doms during scenes in the chatroom, and i certainly am not in love with these people. But when i do submit to Doms other than Sir it is nowhere near as intense and i find it more difficult and less natural, because the bond between us is not the same as it is with Sir and i. i also think that a sub would find it difficult to submit to a Dom for any length of time and not develop feelings of love and affection for Him, because He is the one caring for her, providing for her, nurturing her, giving her what she needs; she is dependent on Him, trusting Him, serving Him, spending most of her time and thoughts on Him...... it just seems natural to me that she should grow to love Him, even if only in the same manner that a dog grows to love a caring owner.

And i do not feel that being in love with a sub makes a Dom any less 'Domly'. Being a Dominant is a natural part of Sir's character, He is always a Dom no matter what mood He is in, no matter what He is doing. i still feel just as submissive to Him when He is kissing me, giving me massages, buying me roses, etc. as when He is being stern and strict, laying down the rules, giving me orders, etc. He doesn't make me submit to Him by being aloof, uncaring and strict all the time, infact He doesn't make me submit to Him at all, i freely chose to because i couldn't not submit to Him, it happens naturally. To me, the fact that Sir loves me only adds to His Dominance, because i know He is doing everything in my best interests, looking out for me, and i know the relationship has firm foundations and is more likely to last (for instance if one of us got ill or was otherwise unable to express our D/s needs in the way we do now, we would still have the love to fall back on and keep us going).

So, to answer the question, no i don't think love contradicts a D/s relationship in any way, in fact i think it adds to and enhances it and i'm very glad that i love Sir and have His love in return.