Needs

May 07, 2007

Needs

i was re-reading this post today, and when i read the comments it made me start thinking about what it is i *need*, rather than what it is i want or would like if possible. And i realised that my needs are actually fewer and more simple than i used to think they are.

~ i need to be controlled, given orders and instructions, restrictions and rules. i have always been happier having someone in charge of me, in all aspects of my life. This is just heightened in my current M/s relationship.

~ i need to serve, to be of use, to bring happiness and contentment to another. This has always been an important part of my life, it feels like my purpose in being. And i love to serve my Master most of all.

~ i need to be treated consistently and fairly, with clear boundaries, limits and goals. If i don't have these things it is impossible for me to feel safe enough to trust and open up, and i need to do both to the best of my ability in order to give all of myself to my Master.

~ i need to be listened to, to feel that i can make a contribution, have an opinion, share things. i need these things so that i feel like my identity as 'libby' remains intact because my thoughts and feelings still have an outlet, and are responded to.

~ i need to be accepted and approved of as i am, but at the same time taught and pushed and encourage to grow into what i can be. i like to feel that i am learning and improving and expanding, and i need to be challenged in order to do so, but i also need time and space sometimes in order to think about things and absorb them.

~ i need to be corrected and disciplined when i have done wrong, but then forgiven and set back on the right path again. Sometimes i have a tendency to be harder on myself for my mistakes than i should be, so i need help to move on and put them behind me.

~ i need to feel beautiful, loved and cherished, and also understood. i know that this is selfish of me, but i cannot function properly otherwise, because my self-esteem depends so heavily on other's views of me and my Master's view is most important of all.

...And i think that's it. Notice there was no mention of the 'need' for pain, or sex, or being allowed to cum, or play sessions, or anything like that. All of those things are wants rather than needs, and yes i may want them very much, but i could live without them and still be happy. i couldn't live without the needs listed above though, not without feeling miserable and unfulfilled, especially over a long period of time. And that's a big thing for me to understand; i feel like i've made an important step in my concept of who i am today, and i'm pleased with myself.

So, see? - D/s isn't all about the sex, infact it's mainly not about the sex at all. For me at least, it's about the control and the service.