i used to be very confused by the whole poly thing, and at one point i thought that it wouldn't be possible for a sub to have more than one Dom (as can be seen by my answers here). But having become so close to a sub who identifies as poly, and having seen how she would benefit from having more than one Master, i am ready to restate my views on this. In real-life D/s relationships, i think it would be more difficult to have more than one Master, but even there i believe it could be done so long as all participants were happy with the arrangements and willing to be flexible. The main difficulties i see for real-life and online relationships where the sub has more than one Master, are these:
~ what happens if the Doms give conflicting instructions or have different expectations? who does the sub obey in that case?
~ what if the sub has different sets of rules to follow for each Dom, different rituals and protocols and expected ways of behaving? surely this would be very confusing and lead to lots of mistakes?
~ how to ensure that the sub divides her time between the two Masters fairly? what if they both want contact with her at the same time?
~ how to prevent jealousy and resentment issues? what if she ends up loving one more than the other? how to stop herself playing one off against the other? going to one for support when the other is cross with her? that sort of thing....
~ how to ensure that the needs and wants of both Masters are being met, when the sub only has a certain amount of time to divide between them? surely they will only be half as satisfied as they would be if they had the sub to themselves?
Having said all that, i think that if the Masters work together to present a united front to the sub, giving the same rules and orders, having the same expectations and rituals, compromising on time and use, then the relationship could be made to work. i can see what the sub would get out of it, because each Master could fulfill a different need of hers (for example one may be a sadist and one lean more to mental control), but i find it difficult to understand what benefit the arrangement would have for the Doms involved. It seems that they would have to make lots of sacrifices and compromises, and i'm not entirely sure why they would want to..... except to ensure that certain needs of the sub which they themselves cannot fulfill, are met. Maybe that's the answer, but i would be doubtful whether such a relationship could be sustained long-term .......... any thoughts anyone?
Mood: concerned
Mood: concerned
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6 comments:
I was having this idea too because I'm needy lately and I don't want to overwhelm Master.
One Master would be the 1st in command, and the other masters would have to abide by mostly his rules in regards to the slave.
Free hugs and kisses, I don't know but you're probably right it couldn't last long term.
What I was thinking was if Master 1 was at work maybe another master would not be and it would be kind of cool. Oh well who knows.
Happy 4th Of July!
i am owned by a married couple and it works beautifully. i can see it being hard if, as you described, the two masters did not have a relationship with each other. but when they DO have a relationship with each other it is ideal. they have owned me for a year-- in real life, not online.
so maybe i am a good person to answer your questions. :)
1. they always work together to make sure that they don't give me conflicting instructions-- and if that does happen then i tell them and they decide together which option would be best.
2. they don't give me different protocols. i mean, each of them are tougher on me for different things, but they communicate with each other about how they want me to behave so that they both are enforcing the same things (this is really key).
3. when i visit i spend my time with both of them unless one of them is unavailable for some reason. but because they have such a healthy marriage they don't get upset if one of them isn't there. we just make sure to fill the missing person in on everything when he/she arrives.
4. jealousy and resentment... they are not much of an issue for a number of reasons-- one, having two owners is almost like having two parents. it's more similar to that than any kind of romantic relationship, so everything takes on a different color than it would if you were talking about sharing your exclusive partner. two, because they are married to each other but i am their pet, each of their relationships with me are always secondary to their relationship with each other. i have to stay firmly in my place and remember that, and of course if i forget then they correct me. any jealousy or resentment coming from one of them is about their marriage and has little to do with me; they will only share it with me if they choose to. i'm no threat to their relationship because i consider myself an expression of their love for each other-- i don't exist as their pet if their marriage doesn't exist.
5. they both benefit by having me there because they consider it something special for the two of them, something that they do together. something that they get erotic and emotional fulfillment out of. i am a subset of their love for each other. often they get pleasure out of telling me to please the other one in some way. i don't divide the time between them; our time together is about the *three* of us.
what they get out of it is bonding over their control of me. it's something fun that they do together. :)
and i think it can be sustained quite well. right now i live about an hour away from them and visit a few times a month, but soon i'll be moving to their same city and we will be able to have a lot more time together.
if you really want to know more about how this works, you should read my blog sometime.
I tried this once and it didn't work out but there were a lot of factors involved such as he was ending it with another sub he had while undertaking my training, his marriage was going own a roacky road, but I myself didn't know how to handle it well either.
I think poly is simply horrifying. M talks about it and I can see the benefits but I would never underestimate the power of a woman who wants my man and understands how to use her feminine powers to get what she wants. Could you imagine being set aside by your Master so he can tend to another submissive? I'd be sick no matter what picture of the fairy tale of poly may be.
thanks to everyone for all the comments - all the different views have made me think lots. i guess in the end it's like lots of things in BDSM, it works well for some people if they take the right approach to it, but many people wouldn't even want to try it.
And persephone honey, i do read your blog all the time and actually thought of you when i wrote the post but the relationship i had in mind was different to the one that you enjoy with your 2 owners because they are in a relationship themselves. Helpful comments though, thanks :)
you'd be surprised what can be sustained long term in D/s relationships, libs. The key is making sure that all of the participants have their needs fulfilled and are happy with the arrangements.
As you know I tried a relationship with 2 submissives living with Me at the same time once, and for various reasons it didn't work out. But the important part to mention here is that it didn't work out *for Me*. Both of the subs were perfectly happy and willing to continue as we were. So the issues of jealousy and resentment commonly mentioned in situations like this, just did not occur. I imagine that an arrangement where there are 2 Doms sharing the same sub could work out very nicely, especially in situations where for one reason or another the Doms were not able to give the sub individually the amount of time and attention she needs, but collectively it becomes much easier.
Good thoughts though libs. you keep thinking and posting us the results ;)
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