Extremes

August 22, 2007

Extremes

When i first started looking into the lifestyle in a serious way, by which i really mean when i first accepted that this was for me, it was what i am, and it was a path i wanted to explore with relation to my life...... one question kept popping up in my mind, and it's a question which i've seen discussed on a few different blogs recently, so i've decided to write my own post on it from my point of view:

**Once you 'become' kinky, can you ever go back to vanilla? Or are you destined to only be satisified with kink forever more?

and

Once you start down the BDSM route, are you destined to keep getting more and more extreme, pushing your boundaries further and further, in an attempt to keep it all as exciting and thrilling as it was when you first started? Or is there a point at which you reach an equilibrium, where you can quite happily play at that range forever more and not need to keep upping the stakes in order to get yourself off?**

Yeah, ok, that's 2 questions and i haven't phrased them in the best possible way but i hope people will understand what i'm getting at. So here's the answer from my point of view, feel free to challenge me or give your own opinion if you wish :)

To answer the first question, obviously i hope that in Sir i've found my soulmate, the person i'm going to spend the rest of my life in wedded and M/s bliss with, and therefore 'forever more' for me will always include BDSM and kink and whatever else you want to term it. However, it's also true that you just never know, so imagining a scenario where sometime in the future i was no longer with Sir..... would i necessarily have to seek out another D/s relationship or could i be happy in a vanilla one?

After thinking about this for a while, i was surprised to find that the answer for me is that i could be happy in a vanilla relationship (at least i think i could), if the person i happened to fall in love with was completely vanilla and had no wish to try BDSM. If that's who they were as a person, then i would rather sacrifice my needs as a sub/slave in order to be with them rather than give them up in order to continue seeking someone to meet my BDSM needs. i talked this over with Sir because i was worried it indicated that i wasn't truly dedicated as His slave, or that my slave identity wasn't as strong a part of me as i thought it was, but i've come to realise that neither of those are true. Yes, my slaveness will always be a part of me, especially now that i've recognised it and nurtured it, and had the good fortune to be allowed to express it so freely with Sir, but it would be possible for me to live without the opportunity to give so much expression to that side of me, just as if i gave up my job i could live without having contact with my special kids, which i feel is another part of what makes me who i am. i'm not sure that i would be completely happy living a vanilla life, but if i was able to find some form of expression for my slave identity, perhaps online or whatever, than i think i would be able to be happy enough.

Now for the second part of the question. For a while it seemed like this was true, because as i trained under Sir's guidance everything seemed focused on pushing me more and more in areas such as pain tolerance, orgasm control, anal use, exploring my limits, etc, etc. And it did seem like i needed more and more pain, i craved harder and harder use, so i can see where the question of things needing to get more and more extreme forever more comes from........

However, what is happening now is that things are plateauing out for me. So the amount of pain i 'need' or 'want' remains pretty much a constant (with fluctuations depending on mood, or whatever), i'm still satisfied with the same level of use as i was a few months ago, and i have no requirement that limits and boundaries constantly be pushed in order to keep things exciting enough for me. i'm feeling happy and stimulated and challenged and aroused and satisfied by the level at which things are now and have been for quite a few months, so my answer to that question would be: no, in my opinion each sub/slave has their own level which they need to get to, and once they've reached that level they can be perfectly happy remaining there 'forever more' without the need for further and further extremes to keep them stimulated.

But maybe that's just me - your mileage may vary ;)

Mood: thoughtful