January 19, 2008

Pregnant slave

At first i really struggled with being a slave and being pregnant, because the two often contradicted each other in terms of what i wanted to do - i.e. continue in all my forms of service and use to Sir, or take care of my unborn baby. i found it particularly difficult when Sir altered my rules and training programme to take my pregnancy into account, and when He placed new restrictions on the types of play we will do together, due to safety reasons (i have additional restrictions for online play whilst pregnant, too).

But over the past week or two i have slipped into a place where i am totally at ease with the current restrictions and compromises, and feel that i have reached a balance in my life between taking care of Sir's needs, my needs as a slave, my needs as a pregnant woman, and my unborn baby's needs. i feel that i am still serving Sir very well, and to the best of my ability at the present time, without compromising on the wellbeing of our baby, and i still feel that my inherent need to submit and serve is being met and satisfied. So i thought i'd do a post outlining some of the changes which have needed to be made in order to allow me to still be a slave whilst pregnant:

~ some of my training has been put on hold until after my baby is born, or until some undetermined point in the future when i will be able to resume it once more. But actually, less has been halted than i feared might happen, and Sir has been very clever in giving me new alternate trainings to replace those i lost, things that i can continue to do throughout my pregnancy to keep me busy, such as exploring myself and my feelings, online research, practice of non-strenuous service skills, etc. So i don't feel that my training has been compromised too much at all; the only area i am a little disappointed in is the 'cumming on demand' training, which though we have now resumed it, is not showing any progress, mainly because my control over my own orgasms varies from day to day right now due to increased body sensitivity. But i'm hoping this will get back on track towards the end of this year.

~ some of the play activities we used to enjoy together have also had to be curtailed because they are unsuitable during pregnancy; examples include use of the violet wand and TENS machine, some of the dungeon furniture, heavy flogging sessions, OTK spanking, bondage (i especially miss being hogtied), piss drinking, tittie/nipple torture, etc. Sir is also having to be very inventive at the moment, because my changing body means that i simply cannot get into all the positions i used to, so we are using a lot of supports during sex, or i just get onto my hands and knees!

~ some of our normal rituals have changed too, which is probably the bit i found most unnerving at the beginning. Things like no longer having my wrist cuffs tied to the bedpost or wearing a buttplug all night, or drinking Sir's piss in the shower every morning, or being able to do all my slave positions - those things i really missed and i think that's one of the main reasons i felt a little lost and unslavelike at first. But Sir has found ways to adapt most of the other rituals so we can still do them (like He still shaves my pussy twice a week, just with me in a different position, and i am still required to suck His cock every morning, just that now it comes after i have attended to other things like peeing and getting rid of any queasiness and having a snack), and He has even added new ones, such as He rubs bio-oil into my skin daily. So now that i'm used to it, this is also not so bad as i thought it might be, although i do miss being naked in bed, and wearing basques and stockings around the house for Sir :(

~ another aspect i found difficult to adapt to at first was the way in which Sir took over some of the household chores which up to then had been my responsibility. i guess i just see it as quite a vital part of serving Him that i am able to do His laundry, cook His meals, do the washing up, clean, tidy, hoover, iron, dust, etc. And when that was taken away from me (not all of it because i still do some chores), and even worse, when i saw Sir doing those things instead whilst i was sitting down resting.... it just felt WRONG! But i have accepted now that this is what is necessary, and i have found lots of little ways to serve Sir instead, such as i now buy Him the paper on the way home from work everyday, and i have started offering to comb His hair for Him, stuff like that.

~ some changes have actually turned out to be positive, and make me feel more slave-like than before, such as Sir taking over the cooking, which initially i was worried about. But it means He is in complete control of my diet, He provides my meals and my snacks and my drinks, and so i know that i am eating exactly what He wants me to, and it makes me feel like i am obeying His will by doing so. Also i realised that in all areas i am obeying Him and serving Him because i am following the (amended) rules He has set for me, and this made me a lot happier once i reasoned with myself like this. And also, i think it helps greatly that Sir will not allow me to use pregnancy hormones as an excuse for bad behaviour, and He still disciplines or punishes me if i step out of line, so i know that i am still very much under His control.

So, a happy, settled slave girl libby, as well as a contented preggie slut libby :)

Mood: peaceful


Aranee said...

Hey. I was just reading your blog & im interested to know what both of your thoughts on pregnancy were while you were heavily into the BDSM theme?. My master & I have been together 2 years and im very into the idea of him "breeding me" & I would love to find out if it has changed your lifestyle alot or if any.

12:32 p.m.
libby said...

if you read the rest of this blog you'll find some of the answers to those questions :) but basically it has changed our BDSM lifestyle in that we've adapted and modified it to fit around having a baby, but we're still as deeply into it as we were before and still treat each other in the same ways, so we haven't really changed that much inside, just on the outside.

8:00 p.m.