Our story

March 31, 2008

Our story

Recently i've been getting emails (via Sir) from readers of this site, asking questions about our relationship - how it began, when we moved from online to r/l, about my collaring, whether i am pregnant by my Master or another man, etc. i realised that perhaps there are some new readers who haven't got time to read through all the archives to find out about us, so i'm writing this post now to answer all those questions and will link to it from the sidebar for future new readers to find :)

Our story really begins back in about July/August of 2005. i had split from my boyfriend a few months previously, was now feeling 'over' him and ready to move on. But before i did i wanted to investigate something he had made me curious about - he had tried out some simple bondage and Domination of me during sex and i had really enjoyed it and felt that it touched something deep within me. It was these elements i wanted to read up more on, so i turned to the internet to help me..... What i hadn't quite bargained on was the sheer amount of information and resources available, nor for the fact that the range of possible activities went a lot further than simple bondage, nor for there being a whole community of people out there not only interested in these things but actually living it as their lifestyle. i knew vaguely about S&M before then, but not really about BDSM or D/s relationships in particular, and the more i read about it the more convinced i became that this was something i was suited to and should at least try out. i remember looking at lists of activities, wondering what they would feel like to experience, imagining having a Dom of my own to control me, etc. but back then i think it was mainly a sexual thing in my mind, i still hadn't recognised my inner sub.

i debated for ages about how to take the first tentative steps into the BDSM world, and finally figured that the safest way would be to place an ad on one of the sites asking for an 'online Dom' to mentor me. i was shocked by the amount of responses i received, but even back then it was pretty obvious to me who the players and wanabees were, and who was genuine. Of the few responses i categorised as genuine, one really stood out to me because His was the response i kept repeating in my head, the one which made me curious to find out more about Him, the one who i felt i could trust the most, and also the one in which His Dominant nature shone through His words. Yes, it was Sir's response, and i replied and accepted His offer of online teaching (in November 2005), and so began a very enjoyable yet intense few months where He taught me so much about Dominance and submission, helped me establish my boundaries, limits, kinks, preferences, interests and fears, and gradually revealed my innate submissive nature to me. During that time we used a range of methods to keep in contact, including email, phone, photos, IM chats, webcams, skype, etc, and Sir used to set me tasks to do for Him, all of which taught me more about myself and my part in this lifestyle. i found myself becoming more and more attracted to this big world of BDSM and more and more attracted to the Man guiding me through it.

Just when i was beginning to feel more settled and sure of myself, Sir challenged me yet again by asking me to meet up with Him in r/l. Part of me had always known that day would come, as He only lived a 20 minute train journey away, but i was still nervous and unsure whether i should do it or not. Sir didn't push me for an answer, He let me think about it whilst still continuing with the online Mentoring, but the more i thought about it the more i realised this was something i had to at least try. At the beginning, i had thought that online would be enough for me, but it was becoming increasingly obvious to me by that point that i was missing out on so much because i didn't have the physical presence of a Dom in my life. So i summoned up my courage and agreed to meet Sir in a cafe in His home town (this was in April 2006).

Needless to say, i was extremely nervous about that first meeting, not so much that Sir would turn out to be a fraud or a predator, because i was pretty certain by then that He was neither of those things, and i had taken steps to ensure my safety anyway. i was more worried that He would be disappointed with me, that i wouldn't be good enough for Him when He met me in r/l and that He would then end our relationship and i would be back to square one..... But none of those things happened, the meeting went really well and we ended up talking for hours about all sorts of things, strengthening the relationship we had already built online and confirming the dynamic between us. Being in His presence, the Dominance and authority was even more obvious than over the phone or internet, and i found myself naturally submitting to Him and responding to Him in a deferrential way. Sir had already coached me in the rules and expectations He had of His subs, so i was able to 'perform' correctly, but i didn't find it to be a burden like i expected it might be - infact it seemed the most natural thing in the world, and i went above and beyond His expectations quite a few times in that first meeting.

i returned home giddy with excitement, and was so thrilled when i heard from Sir that evening to say that He had enjoyed our meeting just as much, was very impressed with me and wanted us to meet up regularly from then on for 'play and further training'. Thus began the next phase of our relationship, where i would visit Him between 1 and 4 times a week, at His house, as well as remaining in daily contact through other means. What we actually did during our r/l sessions was very varied, but all of it served to deepen me in my submission and train me how to be the sub Sir desired. i also learnt a lot about my physical boundaries and limits during play, and was surprised to discover the range of activities i did enjoy, and how far i could be pushed by Sir beyond what i had thought my limitations to be. i embarked on the first set of training to prepare me as Sir's r/l sub - for example in areas of deep throating, orgasm control, pain tolerance and anal use - and continued to undertake tasks and assignments set by Him to deepen my knowledge and understanding of BDSM issues and my place in the lifestyle.

i remember being so happy and contented during that time, feeling that i had finally found my place in life and entered into a properly fulfilling and worthy relationship with a man. To be honest i hadn't really thought beyond that, i was quite happy to continue our relationship as we were, so it was a surprise when Sir invited me to spend a whole week at His house in August 2006, with the intention of seeing whether i could life as a sub full-time, and if the week went well He would offer me His collar! Again all the nerves and doubts came back, and i was unsure that i would be good enough for Him, but it was too good an opportunity to turn down, and i had Sir's reassurance that if it didn't work out i would still have a place as His r/l sub, just not a live-in one. So off i went for a whole week at His house, and though it was tougher than i expected and there were times i got frustrated with myself and made mistakes and got punished, it was also so much more satsifying that i imagined, and i came to the end of the week feeling 'enlightened' (if that's the right word) and desperately hoping that i could live that life everyday. To my absolute delight, Sir told me that i had excelled myself and He wanted to collar me as His sub and for me to move in with Him! That was seriously one of the best days of my life, and we quickly began preparations for me to move in, and for our collaring ceremony which was held in September 2006.

The actual collaring day was beautiful, and a day i will always treasure, though me being me i did experience some self-doubts beforehand, but i think that's only to be expected with such an important occasion. We had a few select guests (from Sir's BDSM friends) and it was a lovely and personal ceremony. And i moved in with Sir on the same day, and i've never looked back since. Being a live-in, full-time, real-life sub is so much better than what i had before, even though at the time i was satisfied because it's all i had known. From that day, Sir drew up a proper contract for me, and a detailed list of rules i was to follow, and He continued to advance my training, giving me more and more challenging areas to perfect my submission in. It's not always been easy, and i have gone through some jittery moments, but i came through those a stronger person, and i also believe i am a different, better person than i was before. i am certainly completely unrecognisable as the girl tentatively exploring BDSM online, because i now understand and accept my slave identity as being my natural role in life. Too much has happened since then to mention here, but suffice it to say i have taken significant steps along my 'journey' and discovered a lot about myself, including that i am bi and can do poly under certain conditions!

Two other things to mention here: in August 2007 Sir proposed to me and we got engaged and are planning our wedding for July 2009; and in October 2007 i found out i was pregnant (yes, by my Master! - we do not have other sexual partners in r/l..... well, not like that) and am due to give birth at the end of May 2008. So, that brings you up to date with where we are now - i am the happiest and most confident i have ever been, and truly believe that this relationship is the cause of it. i hope that answers everyone's questions, but if you have more please feel free to send a comment or an email.

libby

xxxx

**update**

I gave birth to our first daughter Poppy in May 2008, and it was a beautiful but exhausting birth, at the hospital, with Sir there for me every step of the way. We brought her home the next day and I have absolutely loved every moment of being her mummy ever since. She is such a bright, inquisitive, sweet little girl and every day we spend together as a family is full of smiles and laughter and fun. Poppy is now walking and talking, as well as able to use many signs to communicate, and she enjoys all the clubs and activities we do every week as well as days at nursery with all her friends.

Despite my happiness with Poppy, i began to experience problems and bouts of feeling down and was diagnosed with post-natal depression when Poppy was 3 1/2 months old. I went for counselling and other therapies, where it was eventually discovered that the cause of the pnd was a miscarriage i had a year before Poppy was born. Once i had worked through my remaining grief and guilt surrounding this miscarriage, i came out of the depression and have been successfully clear of it since February 2009.

In July 2009 Sir and i became husband and wife, with Poppy walking down the aisle behind me as my flowergirl. It truly was my dream wedding, followed shortly after by a fantastic honeymoon of a cruise round the Med (with Poppy in attendance of course!) Every year that goes by i deepen in my devotion to Sir and feel more and more lucky at the lifestyle that i am able to lead, and i learn more and more about myself under Sir's careful training and guidance.

i fell pregnant again with twin boys at the end of 2009 and gave birth to them naturally in August 2010. We knew during the pregnancy that William would be born with a disability called 'tuberous sclerosis' and he is severely affected by that, so our life now consists of caring for him and trying to support his progress, looking after a 'whirlwind' of a toddler called Finn as well as bringing up a very bright young lady in Poppy. But we are very happy with our little family.

Hopefully that's brought everyone up to date with our life together, but please ask questions if you have any :)