Pleasurable punishment?

April 23, 2008

Pleasurable punishment?

Recently a sub emailed Sir and asked for both our views on punishment and discipline, because these are areas of a D/s relationship she has found confusing in the past. Basically, she wanted to know where we draw the line between the two, and whether we think either should be enjoyable for the sub or the Dom. And she said something that really shocked me: "My last Master, however, enjoyed punishments. This scared me at first, because he noted that he would try to get me to break rules in order to punish me.".......

Firstly, i don't think it's right for a Dom to deliberately try to set a sub up for punishment by engineering a situation where she will break the rules or be caught out or tripped up in some way. That just seems mean and nasty, and not at all the type of relationship i imagine most subs need. And where would the trust be in that situation? Where is the care and nurturing of the sub? The desire to see her grow and learn and improve? It just seems a bit shallow and petty on the Dom's part, too much like tricking her and using underhand tactics. And surely that type of Dom would be more pleased when the sub fails and therefore needs to be punished, than when she does well and needs to be praised? That seems to be turning the whole dynamic on its head to me, and i can't understand it at all.

Having said that, i can see that sometimes a Dom might find the administration of a punishment to be erotic or a turn-on, for example if He spanks or canes the sub. And i don't think there is anything wrong with that. Some subs might even get wet from a similar kind of punishment, though i certainly don't because the pain is completely different to what i get in a scene/play session and it doesn't affect my body in the same way. It's the enjoyment of the punishment itself which i find hard to comprehend, because i would imagine most Doms to be disappointed that they'd had to resort to punishing their sub, and most subs to be upset that they hadn't done well enough by their Dom's standards. So while the body might process it as physically erotic, the brain and emotions certainly wouldn't. Not in my opinion and experience anyway.

One last thing that's worth noting. my Master makes sure to keep punishment and discipline completely separate and different from all other aspects of our relationship. When i am disciplined or punished, there is no doubt in my mind about what is happening and why, and how my Master feels about it. And, for example, Sir would never give me a warm-up in a punishment caning, or be lenient with me, in the same way that He might during a play session. And i am not allowed to use my safeword during punishments. And i have to sleep on a mat at the end of the bed if i've been punished that day. (Just for the record, i have never known Sir to get aroused while giving me a punishment).

So, as you can see, punishment and discipline have their own sets of rules in our relationship, and they serve a very specific purpose, and work extremely effectively because of that. i think it's important to have those distinctions, in order for the punishment to have the desired effect on the sub's behaviour, and also to maintain a healthy dynamic and connection between her and the Dom. But maybe other people have different experiences or opinions?