July 06, 2008

Cyber BDSM

i have spent quite a long time on BDSM chatrooms now (one in particular called 'pain & humiliation') and am beginning to be able to categorise the people on there into basic 'types'. So with tongue very firmly in cheek, i present my list:




Cyber Doms:

- the in-a-vanilla-marriage-but-won't-admit-it type: characterised by infrequent chatroom visits at random times, refusal to give out any contact details or information about themselves, long pauses when chatting and sudden exits from the channel often when in the middle of a scene.

- the online-experience-only type: characterised by taking the capitalization thing too far (e.g. W/we would like to tell E/everyone about O/ourselves), playing in an unsafe manner during scenes or describing activities in ways which are not realistic, not having an understanding of issues such as aftercare, subdrop, etc.

- the wanabee/fantasist type: characterised by a completely pretentious name (such as LordMasterDomoftheworld), claiming to have 35 years experience in the lifestyle and have owned hundreds of slaves but not be able to give the name of anyone in r/l BDSM who knows them, constant PMing of anyone and everyone with a sub nick.

- the chauvenist-disguised-as-a-Dom type: characterised by entering the chatroom and expecting every female sub to bow down and kiss their feet, taking no notice of limits or capabilities or consent or safewords, believing it is their right to treat any of the subs how they wish to by default of having a Dominant nick.

- the genuine real-life Dom type: characterised by getting to know the subs on a personal level, exuding a confident Dominant persona (but without arrogance or pretentiousness) in general conversation as well as during scenes, showing knowledge and skills of BDSM activities during play online.





Cyber subs:

- the bottom-pretending-to-be-a-sub type: characterised by being extremely picky about who to scene with and what they will and won't do during a scene, having hugely long lists of limits and restrictions, topping from the bottom and showing manipulative behaviour to get what they want.

- the bratty-attention-seeker type: characterised by childish acts of naughtiness towards the Doms to try to incur a 'punishment', being mean and nasty towards any other sub who is receiving attention from a Dom in the channel, monopolising the conversation to talk about themselves all the time.

- the high-maintenance-princess type: characterised by a 'looking for a Daddy to buy me jewellery and nice clothes' type of description, worrying about how their hair/nails/silks are looking during a scene, talking about the expensive collar they have already picked out for their future Master to buy them.

- the fantasy-slave type: characterised by overly long service scenes which take half an hour to get a glass of water for a Dom, seemingly being able to take any amount of pain and use without ill-effect on their perfect Barbie-like bodies, overuse of flowery slave talk (such as 'this girl humbly requests the privilege of being allowed to kneel at Your magnificent feet, O Master')

- the genuine real-life sub type: characterised by having a personality beyond being a sub, realistic scenes in which sensations and feelings are described, having down days as well as up ones.


As Sir always tells me, the majority of people online are 'players', i.e. not real lifestylers, and i think i am finally at the point where i can spot them all and classify them into the types listed above. Not that it bothers me that they're on the chatrooms, but i like to know who is genuine and who isn't.....

8 comments:

amorettelove said...

I have to agree with you on most of those types... and it's the reason I've given up on most chat rooms and social websites.

I just wish that all of the people playing around would only find each other, you know? ;)

6:06 pm
thisgirl said...

Why the need for all the categories....they are all just people looking to get their kinky needs met because they can't get it real life either at that time or ever in some cases.

I think when you go in a chat room with an explicit name like this (which is set up for the intention of people to pretend they can do things which they might never ever do) you can expect to see people who are fantasists, wankers and wannabees of varying degrees.

Not that i'm saying you fall into any of those categories, I know you don't but I don't get why you still bother when you have your Sir. Its all a bit pretend and fake when you have something worth so much more.

Best wishes

TGx

7:34 pm
hisprecious1 said...

i visit these chatrooms also and i find your post to be "oh so true" and enjoyed every bit of it!

4:22 am
oatmeal girl said...

it doesn't just apply to chatrooms. people who are shopping for real subs or doms fall into the same categories.

a delicious piece.

6:37 pm
libby said...

thanks to everyone for the comments. just to pick up on some of the things that thisgirl said: the initial reason i started going to this chatroom was as part of my training that Sir set me - it was to build my confidence, help me see that other subs weren't 'better' than me, and so that i could make some friends in the lifestyle. That training has long since finished but i continue to visit this chatroom because of all the friends i have made there, because it helps me to relax and chill out at the end of the day, because it's something i can do whilst snuggled up with Sir on the sofa, because it gives me a support group to ask advice of who know what i'm talking about, because i enjoying scening with some of the Doms on there, but mainly because my girlfriend is there and i want to spend time with her. Yes, some of the people there are fantasists and wanabees, but i can recognise those. However, some of them are genuine Doms and subs, online and r/l, and it is those people i most enjoy chatting to, playing with or just hanging out with. So those are the reasons i still visit, and for me it is not a waste of time, nor all fake and pretend.

6:53 pm
lalana said...

Found this really interesting - going to save it for reference :)
I just started using Second Life, and since it's my first time in an "online world" like that, am a little leery of who I'm going to meet. It's all a little overwhelming, to be honest.

lalana

9:40 pm
Shreya said...

hi libby,
I am 20 and I like BDSM, never had a master. I've never chatted online. But I have read a lot about it and I truly like it. Vanilla sex just doesn't do it for me. I was searchin for online chat rooms when I read your blog. Though it is true that those of us who have not experienced BDSM cannot feel real emotions or write about them, we can however get to know about it at chat rooms or experience it to some level atleast. It is neither easy nor safe to find a Dom and rather expensive with all the membership fees. Being a college student, saving up for fees is hard let alone for the membership of a good club. And tell me for someone who has not yet had her first sub experience, where is she to go? And I do not mean only the sex, I am truly interested in finding love with someone who understands me. Or is it the other way, Am I supposed to find love and then tell him about my fetish? Trust him? And what if he does not like it?
Online rooms are safe in that way. Safe but do not satisfy. I like getting intimate(not sex)with people and make friends easily and am fiercly loyal to them. If you were to choose someone to chat, would you choose someone like me who does not have any experience at all?? I think not, which is where the lies come in. Just because I have not tried does not mean I do not like and am not turned on by it. I would like to chat with a real Dom and would truly enjoy the experience. However, like you categorized me Doms will do the same and so I doubt I will ever experience the true lifestyle or atleast a part of it in chat rooms.
I am truly sad 'cause this means, I will have to wait atleast 5 years before I can even think about having a Dom.

7:13 pm
libby said...

ooooh a comment on an old post, hi Shreya!
But i think you misunderstood what i was trying to say - i have no problem with people who only participate in BDSM online, no problem with people with no 'real' experience in the lifestyle, no problem with newbies, *so long as they are honest about it*. Where i do have a problem is with someone lying about their experience or real-life relationships, etc. Because that can lead to people getting hurt.

i think you'll find that if you're honest about being a new and exploring sub, with no real-life experience yet but wanting to learn, that there'll be people who will chat with you, answer your questions, maybe even mentor and train and guide you. That's what happened to me when i was very new and nervous in a chatroom, i had Doms who guided me through my first scenes and a wonderful sub who advised me in pm, who is now my girlfriend!

So enjoy the chatrooms, try to be as honest as possible, and remember to watch out for others who may not be all they claim to be!

libby
xxxxx

9:35 am