March 14, 2009
The wife thing
With all of the preparations for our wedding we have been making recently, becoming Sir's wife has been on my mind a lot. And then i read this blog post by Emma on the same subject and it got me thinking lots and lots about why i want to be Sir's wife as well as His slave, how things might be different after we are married, and which role will be more important to me.
Firstly, i think the slave part of my relationship and identity with Sir will always be the strongest and the one which primarily guides my actions. i would be happy to stay with Sir if He hadn't wanted to marry me, but i would find it much more difficult if He wanted me to be His wife but no longer His slave. The M/s is what our relationship is built on - with that in place i can get through anything, but take that away and i feel very shaky indeed and would start questioning whether it is right for me to stay there. Luckily i don't see Sir ever deciding to turn vanilla, so that shouldn't be an issue but just thinking about it shows me exactly where my priorities lie. i really can't imagine interacting with Sir on a vanilla level as equals, whereas i can quite happily imagine remaining His slave without ever getting married, so i guess that answers the question of which is most important to me.
After we are married i pretty much see things as carrying on as they are now. We already live together, we already have a child together, we already share money and pay bills and stuff like that together. It just means we will get more benefits once we are married and we will legally be joined, as well as feeling we already are joined as an M/s couple. i imagine myself being one of those old-style housewives, who cook and clean and take care of the house and children so that the husband can be looked after on His return from work. Yes, i might have a part-time job too, but i see my role as one of being subservient to, dependent on, and taking care of my Husband, who is very much the head of the household. He makes all the decisions, He controls the money (and makes most of it), etc. That's how i'd like it to be anyway, and i see no reason why it shouldn't work out like that. Of course, i'll keep all my slave rules, routines and trainings as well - but the old-fashioned housewife is how i would like vanilla observers to view how my new role works after i am married.
As to why i want to be Sir's wife as well as His slave, i've thought long and hard about this. Part of it was answered above when i concluded that i could still be happy being His slave but not His wife, but i couldn't if i were His wife but not His slave. One of the main reasons i want to marry Sir is to show the depth of our commitment to all our vanilla family and friends - the D/s friends already know it because of the collaring ceremony, but others don't and i want to prove it to them. Also because it's what is 'done' in our society and whilst i don't always want to conform to what society expects of me, in this case i do. i want to tell the world that i have found my 'One' for life, that i am taken, and that i am not looking or available for anyone else. Also i want Poppy to grow up in a family where her mummy and daddy are married to each other, because i think this sets a good role model for her to follow. Sorry if i offended any others out there who love differently, but i do still believe in marriage and what it represents and i want my children to grow up in a married family.
So there you have it - my current thoughts on what it will be like once i become a slave wife as well as a slave mummy. If anyone has any comments to add from personal experience i'd love to hear them :)
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4 comments:
As you already know I am outside the M/s, D/s, BDSM world so I can't comment on anything from that perspective. However, I do know something about marriage; from both a good and not so good perspective.
7:01 PMMarriage is a social custom. It's a commitment that two people take to be lifelong partners (at least that's what it's supposed to be). How that partnership breaks out is entirely up to the parties in the relationship. In your case I would venture a guess that your partnership would be along the lines of 99.9/0.1 Him/you.
As I see it, marriage for you two will be more of a social and legal contract for the rest of the world. It'll give you the legitimacy you mentioned within the vanilla world and also provide things like tax breaks, inheritance, health care, insurance and the like for your family.
The roles of "Husband" and "Wife" are not set in stone. They've changed over the centuries and there's nothing to say they won't continue to change. The term "Wife" does not mean equal unless the parties being married both agree that's what it means.
Side Note:
7:04 PMSweetie,
Yellow text on a white background is, well, slightly difficult to read. Especially for those of us who have less than perfect eyesight.
Just a thought,
Joe
thanks for the thoughts Joe - i agree with them alllll! And sorry about the yellow writing, people have told me about it before but i get so excited about writing in pretty colours that i forget!
2:42 PMlibby
xxxxx
(I'm seconding the color combination)
4:26 PMI enjoyed hearing your thoughts on marriage. I agree that it's a good way for D/s couples to demonstrate their union with the vanilla world.
My Gent does not believe that marriage is right for us, that it carries too many connotations and belief patterns for us to enter into it and remain healthy. He also believes that it sets a divider between us and any future partners we might have.
I agree with these things, but oh, a small part of my heart aches at the idea that I will never marry. (Group marriage seems fine by him though, and it's possible that I would marry another, but still.)
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