More thoughts on pissiness

October 25, 2009

More thoughts on pissiness

i realised when i read the last post back that it might seem a bit weird that i was pissy all day yesterday, and yet it was only when i went into the bondage chatroom and spent time with someone who i don't really know that well, that i managed to finally chill out. Some people might be wondering why i wasn't able to chill out with Sir's help earlier in the day, and i wanted to make sure that people know it's nothing to do with Sir, it isn't that He doesn't care or doesn't try to help me when i am feeling pissy, but we have both learnt from experience that if anything it only makes it worse because then i get to feeling that i have failed as His slave, that He shouldn't be spending His time trying to cheer me up, that i should be trying to make Him happy not the other way round, and then my mood normally gets even worse.

Sir has explained to me lots of times that He wants to try to cheer me up, that it's His choice to do so and part of His responsibility to me as my Master, but for some reason my mind just can't accept this, so we've both come to realise that it's better for both of us if Sir can leave me alone as much as possible when i get into these moods, and let me serve Him as much as i can so that i feel like i am still 'doing what i should' as His slave. i'm just a bit weird like that i guess.