Something i've discovered...

October 25, 2009

Something i've discovered...

... i can't submit properly to a Domme when i'm feeling even a little bit pissy. Yesterday i was feeling pissy on and off throughout the day, and even though Sir kept asking me i had no reason why and couldn't figure out what was making me feel that way. By the end of the evening i was feeling much more relaxed, mainly due to the attentions of a nice Dom in channel who snuggled with me and made me feel better. But when i woke up this morning the pissiness came gradually creeping back in, so i asked Sir if maybe we could cancel the session with Ma'am today. However Sir refused to cancel it for that reason, so i had to go ahead with it.

i'd managed to calm myself down somewhat by the time She arrived, but as soon as She started telling me what to do i found the pissiness coming back and although i complied with everything She asked of me (though i did think of not doing some of the things She wanted), in my mind i was arguing against everything She said and being very grumpy. And of course that showed on my face, and She told me several times to 'lose the attitude', which just made it worse. So i didn't do very well with the things we have been working on for weeks now, and there was no progress made today, but at least i managed to get through it without being rude to Her, and hopefully next week i will feel more submissive and ready to comply demurely and obediently.

Sometimes of course i feel pissy when Sir scenes with me or asks me to do something, but i find it much easier to push my feelings aside and concentrate on serving Him in the manner i should do. i think it's because i am more naturally submissive towards Men and have such a strong relationship with Sir, whereas i feel myself having to push for and find my submission with Women and i don't have a very strong relationship with Ma'am yet - this is just something i am doing as part of my training because Sir wants me to.

So i think i did well to get through it, and actually now i feel more like my usual self again, so hopefully the pissy phase has gone.