No matter what?

December 06, 2009

No matter what?

First you really should go and check out the post which initially sparked this musing in my mind, over at Chloe's blog (which in itself was a response to something read on doubleknot's blog) -oh, and be sure to read all the comments too because there's an interesting range of perspectives there.... and then come back here to read my view, please?!

So, for anyone who didn't want to go wade through all the discussions, basically doubleknot did something which got her punished by her Dom and He made a comment to her that she would never be released by Him because of her actions, but instead would be molded and shaped and corrected so that she once again becomes the slave He requires. To which Chloe posted that she wishes she had the 'no matter what' clause in her M/s relationship, but she finds it difficult to even believe that that type of relationship is possible in the real world. All of which got me thinking hard about 3 main questions: Do i believe that 'no matter what' relationships are possible in M/s? Do Sir and i have a 'no matter what' relationship? How would/does that change things for me? (Answers below :) )

~ do i believe that 'no matter what' relationships are possible in M/s?

having thought hard about this question my answer has to be 'yes'. i think in the vanilla world, some people go into marriage with a 'no matter what' attitude, whilst others go in with a list of deal-breakers in their minds (things which would automatically end the relationship if the other person did them). Normally those deal-breakers would be things like having an affair, displaying violence, those kinds of things, and on the one hand i understand why those things would be deal-breakers to many people but i also see how others feel their love is so strong that they could find a way to forgive their partner for doing those things. But to me a M/s dynamic goes so much deeper than a vanilla marriage (not saying that it's better, just on a different level), so that the Dom is able to correct and discipline and punish the sub for minor transgressions meaning it is unlikely that the relationship will ever reach the point where a deal-breaker occurs (or what would be a deal-breaker for other relationships). And also even if that situation did happen, the Dom has much more control over leading the sub back onto the right path, that i think it is more likely that M/s relationships would survive them over vanilla ones. i know lots of people will be sitting there thinking 'but what if the slave did this?or this?', but to me those arguments are akin to the 'but if you give up all control and agree to obey Him no matter what... what if He tells you to jump off a cliff?' - they're nonsensical to me in a committed M/s relationship because the two people know each other so well going into it that they know the other person just would never do that. So, basic answer: while i know that M/s relationships falter and fail and break down, i do believe it is possible to have a 'no matter what' clause and stick to it, and i believe this is more likely to work in M/s than in a vanilla marriage.

~ do Sir and i have a 'no matter what' relationship?

i had to go and ask Sir about this one because it's not something that's ever come up before. We've never actually sat down and discussed which things would automatically lead to me being released (if any) or whether Sir would stick by me no matter what i did (that sounds wrong, almost like i can do anything i want and get away with it, but trust me the consequences for breaking the rules are bad enough, there's no way i would want to face the punishment for a bigger transgression). So we had a 'free talk time' about it and the upshot is that yes, mine and Sir's relationship is a 'no matter what' one - Sir said that He wouldn't have been able to make that decision in the beginning, but having seen the depth of my commitment and loyalty to Him since i was collared 3 years ago He is able to confidently add the 'no matter what' clause (and says He would have been able to for quite some time now). So no matter what i do, Sir will stand by me and try His hardest to bring me back onto the right path again and remold me into His desired slave. And He says He would keep on trying until either He was successful or i chose to end it and walked away - apparently that's the only thing that would break the clause now, me deciding not to be a slave anymore and leaving, and even then He would do everything He could to bring me back (not that i see that ever happening, anymore than Sir does, which He says is part of the reason He is able to commit to the 'no matter what' clause, because He can be fairly confident it will never come into play anyway. But He will stick by His promises, if it does).

~ how does that change things for me?

in a way it changes nothing, because Sir and i are still the same, our relationship and roles are still the same, etc. But in another way it changes a lot of things personally for me - it makes me feel even more confident in our relationship than before, it brings it home to me once again just how lucky i am to be owned by Sir and to be in the situation that i am, it reminds me of Sir's resolute commitment to and faith in me and makes me want to repay those in every way that i can, and ultimately it gives me a deep sense of peace that if in the future something happened to make me go off the rails Sir would be there to guide me back onto them again. Outwardly, nothing has changed, but inwardly i become even more devoted, loyal and grateful to my Sir, and soooooooo determined that the 'no matter what' clause will never ever have to be used even though it's there!

**Btw, i know some people will be annoyed by my opinions, and reading this post back i come off as a bit naive and a bit arrogant and a bit condescending in some parts, but i honestly don't mean to, and i think it's more important that i record my true opinions here rather than try to keep everyone sweet. But please feel free to leave comments, and i will reply to them :)