a submissive's musings: June 2009

Orgasm meme

Jumping on the bandwagon and filling out that orgasm meme which is going round the blogs, not because i particularly want to but because Sir told me to. So here goes....

1. What’s your favourite way to have an orgasm?
with Sir taking me up the ass, it makes me feel so dirty and naughty, and also i get all shivery afterwards, it's just a great feeling (oh and i get to enjoy the feel of His cum dripping slowly out of me for a while after which just makes me grin). Used to be that Sir had to provide/let me have some kind of clitty stimulation in this position to cum but now i can cum just from the anal alone.

2. Do you use a sex toy? Hands? or both?
When i'm masturbating? Depends on what Sir has ordered me to use because i'm not allowed to touch myself without Him telling me to.

3. Do you have a favourite time of day or night that you like to pleasure yourself or have sex?

Any time is good for me, but i prefer either first thing in the morning when i'm just waking up (so long as we got time to snuggle for a little while after) or last thing at night so then we can curl up together and drift off to sleep. But now we've got Poppy we have to take our chances when they come!

4. Do you feel you have different types of orgasms?

*Nods*, i sure do and i love every single one of them.

5. Do you have a position or a technique that always guarantees an orgasm?

Pretty much any time Sir's cock is in me (except my mouth) means i can cum, whether or not He will allow me to is a different question entirely.

6. Is having your clit directly stimulated pleasurable for you? What about after an orgasm?

Yes and then no. Clitty stimulation with fingers or tongue or a vibe is greattttttttt except for just after i cum, when it is too sensitive for me. Of course Sir knows this and sometimes He will carry on touching it/ licking it/ holding a vibe to it on purpose just to see me squirm and squeal.

7. Do you masturbate/pleasure yourself?

Not very often because i can only do this when Sir tells me to (He always watches) and that's not often.

8. Has your self pleasuring repertoire/routine/technique changed or evolved over time?

Well i never used to own a vibe so that part has changed, but the rest is pretty much the same.

9. Are sex toys part of your self pleasuring or with a partner? Or both?

Both, but again all at Sir's desire.

10. If you enjoy using sex toys how often do you upgrade your equipment?

So far we've only had one vibe conk out on us and need to be replaced, but then we don't use them that often.

11. Whats the most intense orgasm you have ever had?

Can't think of a specific one, because there have been many many many super intense ones with Sir. i guess the most intense ones are when there's been bondage and pain mixed in with the pleasure because that makes me go all drifty and floaty and not really aware of where i am for a while afterwards, and leaves me with a lovely tingly feeling for a couple of hours.

12. How often do you orgasm?
As often as Sir permits me to, but i am quite lucky in this respect because so long as i am trying hard with my training and keeping to all my rules Sir is generous with my orgasms, so usually a few times a week.

13. Do you regard orgasm to be a stress reliever?
Yes :)

14. What happens to you after orgasm? Full of energy, a bit lala or ready to go to sleep?

Can't ever remember being full of energy after an orgasm, i'm usually a bit drowsy, very relaxed, very docile and tactile, wanting skin to skin contact with someone (usually Sir), needing to just be quiet and still for a while, sometimes out of it and a bit floaty.

15. Have you ever squirted?

Yes, certain positions when Sir is inside me cause me to squirt.

16. Do you fantasize when you masturbate? Or do you just get right down to it?

The only times i masturbate are when Sir tells me to and then He's right there watching me so i don't really fantasise, i just concentrate on Him and what He's telling me to do and the feelings it's giving me.

17. What do you like about having an orgasm? Is it important you have an orgasm every time?

i like the feeling of release, i love how it makes me so calm and relaxed afterwards, but it's not important that i cum everytime though i do get disappointed if Sir doesn't cum because it makes me feel i haven't been pleasing enough for Him. That rarely happens though, so it's all good :)

Hope you enjoyed this little meme, please ask questions if you want to. And look out for another post later today or tomorrow.

Is it real?

Today is a thinking day, mainly because it is wet and rainy outside, Poppy looks set to keep herself amused for hours with the home-made drum kit Sir just concocted for her (!), Sir is busy working on something in His study, and my tiredness from yesterday has gone..... So i decided to have a ponder on some of the brilliantly thought-provoking posts on other slaves' blogs recently and post my reactions to them on my blog. Starting with kaya:

Who recently asked the question of whether slavery (in a BDSM sense) is real or is it just a role we are playing? Her argument was that because it is not recognised legally or by society, this means that nobody is really owned by someone else and can leave at any time, therefore it is just 'playing' (though she does admit that it seems real when you are in a D/s relationship). Now, i kinda see where she is coming from, but as many others have pointed out to her there are other things which are not legal or widely accepted in society (such as gay marriage for example), but nobody would say that a gay relationship is not real whereas a straight one is. And also different societies around the world, and in history, have/had different laws which would mean that in some places or at some times a D/s relationship would be considered 'real' under these terms and in other places or at other times it would not (plus all the very valid points about society not widely accepting black or gay people in the past, and how that didn't make their lifestyles not real.) So i don't think that reality can be based on what is legal or what society accepts.

i think 'real' is all to do with perception (as someone else commented on kaya's post). After all, going through a marriage ceremony doesn't make that relationship anymore 'real' than it was before, but most people perceive marriage as a binding contract, one which means that the 2 people are in a different kind of relationship and should not cheat on each other, etc, etc. And the people in that marriage relationship perceive their roles/lifestyle as having a certain kind of reality because of the fact that they are married. In fact both of them are just as free to leave/cheat/whatever as they were before, but because they do not perceive it this way then the reality for them has altered. (i hope that makes sense to people). i don't think it is the legal or society view of the relationship which makes it real, because same-sex couples feel the same way after their 'marriage' ceremonies. And i think it works the same for D/s relationships with the collaring ceremony/contract/whatever - this is seen as altering the reality of the relationship and the 2 people act in different ways after this event than they may have done before, because their perceptions have changed.

One more point i'd like to make before giving a quote from one of my favouritest books ever. Though kaya says that slavery isn't real because the slave can leave at any moment, and infact she tried to do just that a little while ago in her own relationship, she found that in the end she couldn't do it and she went back to Him. If that's not an example of the very real ties which bond couples in true M/s relationships, then i'm not sure what is. Of course there are M/s relationships which break down and the couples go their separate ways, but i just found it interesting that although kaya says she could leave at any time she wants to and tried to do just that, she hasn't managed to do it. i think it's because of how she perceives the dynamic and her own role within it (it's certainly nothing to do with the law or society which made her stay, indicating that factors inside someone have a lot more to do with 'reality' than outside factors do).

OK , now for the quote:

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or who have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

(from 'The Velveteen Rabbit')

i think this sums up the reality of slavehood better than i ever could - it takes some time to get there, it's something which evolves and happens to you rather than an overnight change, it involves some pain and wearing away of the old you, and it only happens to certain kinds of people who can endure the process, but it makes you beautiful to those who appreciate this kind of thing. Oh, btw, we're having that quote read out at our wedding in July because it is so apt for mine and Sir's relationship, and it's just one of the many little allusions to BDSM which are happening throughout the day for those who understand :)

Thoughts on this post? Please let me know!