April 21, 2010
Apples and trees
Which made me think again about the whole nature/nurture debate with relevance to BDSM and whether Poppy will turn out to be submissive and our twins boys to be Dominant just because that's the way their parents are. And after some ponderings i have come to the conclusion that i don't think they necessarily will, and even that i don't think they are any more likely to turn out these ways than the children of so-called vanilla parents will. Let me explain why....
Firstly, some of my reasons for coming to these conclusions are to do with what i think causes someone to be Dominant or submissive in the first place. i happen to think that these tendencies are present in quite a large proportion of the population (nature) but that something has to happen to trigger them off or cause them to be brought out into the open (nurture), otherwise they will likely go unrecognised for the whole of that person's life. i think that society conditions us to believe that men and women should act in certain ways, and that the vast majority of people are swept up in that and try their best to conform to those expectations, and so refuse to acknowledge any feelings that differ from these 'roles'. That's partly why i think so many subs have been victims of abuse in their past, as i think such an experience can possibly trigger off innate characteristics such as submission, but that's a whole other discussion.
i guess if children were brought up in an openly D/s environment, where they witnessed their parents taking on obvious roles of Dominance and submission in front of them, then that could well influence their views on how men and women should act in general and they may then take on those roles themselves as they grow into adulthood. But i expect that the vast majority of D/s interaction takes place out of sight/earshot of the children, as in mine and Sir's relationship, so they should not be influenced by this. Infact we are careful to promote positive role models of how men and women are equal and should share responsibilities and treat each other with respect, when Poppy is around, as we do not want her thinking that men are somehow better or above women in any way.
While i think genetics plays some part in Dominance and submission, such as twin brothers both turning out very Dominant in a chatroom i visit, i don't see how parent characteristics can have so much to do with that when they are in a D/s relationship themselves. Because half the genetic make-up comes from the mother and half from the father, so it could be that Poppy inherited Dominance from Sir, or submission from me, or a bit of both. i know that there are many of my characteristics which i can pinpoint came from my dad, and that is already turning out to be the case with Poppy. And of course, it will work the same with the twins once they are born, so we could end up with a Dominant daughter and submissive sons, which wouldn't exactly be a case of the apple falling close to the tree, but rather the exact opposite. Or maybe completely vanilla children would be the exact opposite?
However our children turn out we will love them and support them. And i'm not too worried whether they're into BDSM or not, to be honest. But i think it's a bit more complicated than simply 'apples fall close to the tree'.
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6 comments:
I think it's wonderfully said libby! As far as children are concerned, the most important thing for them to grow up healthy is to see their parents as role models, and happy.
8:06 PMHugs,
mouse
A thought provoking read. I think our children know alot more about what is going on then we give them credit for. I also agree that many of us never have a chance to act out our desires because societal concerns about how our behavior will be perceived, or, in some cases, because of religious beliefs that tend to stifle desire in many. I am not, by the way, anti-religion.
10:22 PMThanks for a great post!
I hope my 'apples fall close to trees' line was not taken too seriously. All my children are very unique thus proving (to me) that there is more to it than simply some sort of genetic passing down of traits.
8:08 AMMy observation of the young people I know, most particularly my own children, is that they have a rather good sense of what they are looking for in a relationship and whatever that is, that insight puts them in a good place, I think.
The more we encourage them to know themselves, the better off they will be, in my opinion.
Kids definitely know more that we expect them too. Usually, when my older friends come out to their kids, they're totally in on it.
7:45 AMI really don't think a couple's D/s relationship will influence children, at least not completely. I'm sure it does happen, but it matters to the child. I was mostly raised by my mother, and am a total mommy's girl. My mother is very, very submissive to my father, although she is a very strong woman. My father is so dominant, he terrifies me. I came out mostly dominant, although I do happily submit to my Sir (and only to him). Maybe seeing the dynamic of both of my parents allowed me to be a switch?
In any case, I considered this example: If our children truly came out like us (if the apple didn't fall far from the tree), then no hetero couples would have gay children, or all gay couples would have gay children. It can be a factor, but not a deciding one.
By the way, I love your blog. I'm a new slave and your blog has been very influential and inspirational to my growth as a slave. Thank you :)
Gather roses while you may...................................................
1:38 AMthanks everyone for the comments! i did think you were being serious in your blogpost Vesta, i'll have to reread it knowing that you were at least joking a little. And i'm not really sure what that last comment meant?
8:54 AMlibby
xxxxx
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