slave realities

August 10, 2010

slave realities

There's been quite a few questions on my formspring page recently from people thinking of entering into a relationship 'like mine and Sir's'. It made me wonder whether i have glamorised the life of a slave in some way, whether i have focused too much on the good stuff and left out much of the bad, or whether the fact that i am pregnant so not subject to all the usual rules and restrictions has made it seem 'easier' than it actually is. i don't want to be negative about my life or the BDSM lifestyle in general, because i truly believe that for me it was and still is the right choice, and i am happy with my life. But i do want to write a quick post about some of the realities of being a slave and what people need to think about before they commit themselves to this type of lifestyle.

Obviously i can only talk about my own experiences here, but i think that's fine as from what i've read me and Sir seem to fall somewhere in the middle of the M/s range - there are those slaves who have far less rules and restrictions than me, and there are those who have far less freedoms and privileges than i do. So my case will hopefully give a general picture of what it is to be a slave without going to either extreme, which are probably far less common than may otherwise be thought. (And yes i have a super-preggie brain today, flitting around all over the place, so please bear with me - i'm having to just type whatever comes into my head as i don't have time to think about it or edit it before typing it out, else i would lose it entirely).

When i became Sir's slave and got collared by Him i handed over all control of my life to Him - a one-time decision that from then on He would be in complete charge of what i did in all aspects of my life. This meant many changes and was not a decision to be taken lightly, as the only way to go back on it would be to give up being Sir's slave and to leave Him/walk away. It meant throwing out many of my clothes and most of my underwear as it wasn't to Sir's liking and getting used to only wearing panties to work and wearing nothing but a basque and stockings when walking round the house. It meant waiting for permission before speaking to Him, having to choose my words carefully, always speak respectfully, remember my manners and never swear or use bad words. It meant having every aspect of my life open to Him, telling Him all my feelings, worries, fears, hopes, desires, difficulties, etc or being punished if He felt that i was keeping something from Him. It meant getting used to writing everything down in a paper diary, and later on a blog as well. It meant having to answer every question from Him truthfully, even when i really didn't want to or didn't think He would like the answer or worried that it would make things difficult between us. It meant remembering to ask permission before doing anything - leaving the room, going to the toilet, getting a tissue, getting a drink, taking a shower, getting into bed, even washing-up or clearing the table or doing the ironing. It meant only being able to eat at mealtimes and not snack in between unless Sir said i could, which meant i could no longer help myself to a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar or even a piece of fruit when i wanted to. It meant stripping naked whenever Sir told me to, and always being naked in bed and when doing chores. It meant getting used to being naked in front of Sir's Dom/me friends when they came to visit or when we went to their houses or parties. It meant no longer being allowed to sit on the toilet seat or close the bathroom door. It meant having to shower in cold water for 3 minutes every time and having to wait for permission to dry myself afterwards. It meant having to spend longer on my hygiene routines, and having to keep my body the way He liked it with my pussy completely shaved, everything clean and only using the products He chose for me (which meant i had to throw away most of my favourite perfumes, etc). It meant being physically inspected by Sir and having to learn this process as well as many other slave positions which He could ask me to assume at any time. It meant sometimes being used as furniture for Sir without complaint. It meant adapting to new routines, such as making sure to be ready in the hallway to greet Sir when He arrived home from work, remembering all the steps in the going to bed ritual or the getting up in the morning ritual or the waiting to eat dinner ritual, because if i forgot too often i would be punished. It meant accepting being told off or disciplined or physically punished by Sir, even when sometimes i hadn't purposefully done anything wrong. It meant getting used to sleeping with a buttplug in and my wrist cuffs tied to the bedpost. It meant asking permission to use furniture and getting used to spending a lot of time kneeling or sitting on the floor. It meant being available for Sir's sexual use at any time, even when i didn't feel like it or wasn't well or not in the mood. It meant sometimes waking up in the middle of the night to be told to suck Sir's cock or be used by Him and having to accept this. It meant having to be trained or used by some of Sir's Dom/me friends and get over my embarrassment at this. It meant going through some pretty tough training and having to try my best with every task, even the disgusting or painful or scary ones. It meant doing things i didn't want to do and would never have willingly chosen to do. It meant learning all of Sir's likes and preferences and making sure to remember them and provide for them and pre-empt them. It meant teaching myself not to cross my legs when sitting or to slouch in chairs any more. It meant not being able to masturbate or touch myself sexually anymore unless told to, and having to do so when i didn't feel at all sexual if Sir wanted to watch me. It meant having to ask permission before cumming and often being told "no", so having no sexual release at times. It meant getting used to a lot of pain and discomfort. It meant having to change from using tampons during my period to using a 'mooncup' because Sir told me to. It meant having to ask permission before listening to the radio, putting a CD on, reading a book or magazine, watching TV or a DVD. It meant remembering to shut down my computer and get ready for bed before a certain time, rather than when i felt tired. It meant putting the needs of my Master first in every situation before my own. It meant accepting Sir's decisions without being able to argue back or disagree.

It meant a lot of sacrifice, but ultimately it meant i was truly happy for the first time. Would it mean those same things for you?