September 12, 2010
Nerves
Haven't been in the mood to blog this week as it's been a bit of a down and sad week to be honest. Some of it is postnatal hormones, some is trying to care for William and some is nerves about next week. Because Sir's paternity leave is now over and He goes back to work on Monday.After having Poppy i was fine with Sir going back to work, i felt confident about looking after her by myself and arranged lots of activities for us to go out and do together (mummy and baby clubs and the like). But it's different with the twins - because there's two of them which makes feeding and changing and transporting them twice as hard and twice as time-consuming, and also because of William's problems which i will now be dealing with by myself for much of the day. So if he has a seizure i have to look after him and make the decision on what to do, and if there are any other difficulties i have to deal with them by myself. And it won't be so easy to get out of the house like last time because by the time i've washed and dressed and fed both twins and got everything we need ready and set up the double pram and put them into it, i then have to either walk somewhere or try to get on the bus with the pram and all our stuff, and then when we're out i have to find somewhere to change their nappies and breastfeed somewhere semi-private and i have to feed them seperately when out in public because it's impossible to be discrete doing both at once, so it takes twice as long. And many of the clubs and activities arranged for young babies will be difficult for me to do with two - such as swimming or yoga or massage or whatever. my mum has said that she'll support me with some of them, but i don't want to burden her too much, and anyway i feel like they are my babies so i should figure out a way to cope on my own.
i'm sure it will all be fine once i get used to it, but at times it just seems like such a lot to be coping with and i get worried that i won't be good enough and my days will be filled with lurching from one problem to another and the twins won't get the care or stimulation they need and i won't enjoy being with them.
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12 comments:
Sorry you're feeling down, Libby :( I have some thoughts which may or may not be helpful and you've probably considered most of them:
5:43 PMWhile of course it's more difficult with two babies rather than one, you've kind of done this stage once before - so you've got a head start about how to get about with a small baby.
You are a great mother and qualified to help with disabled children, so although it's scary having to deal with these situations by yourself, you really are the very best person to deal with them.
If it gets really annoying and limiting trying to discreetly breastfeed, don't bother about people seeing? They're only boobs after all. I think there are some 'covers' you can get if you don't want to bare all as well, so they might help.
It's perfectly fine to be sad and feel down, but make sure to keep an eye out for PND - don't feel like if you were to have that again it would be the end of the world and it would be a burden; yes, it's awful, but it definitely can be got through (as you know) and you've got lots of support.
Of course your babies are your responsibility - but if you need/want help, don't be afraid to ask for it! I'm sure your mum would probably enjoy spending time with her grandsons anyway. You don't have to be alone in trying to care for them.
Good luck and I hope you feel better :)
I would be nervous, too. You have a lot to handle. I think Bunny has given you some good advice.
11:18 PMHave you looked for any support groups for mothers of twins - either online or locally? Those who have been there can probably offer tips and support.
Remember - asking for help is a sign of strength - not a sign of weakness!
Just my opinion, but I seriously doubt spending time with you and the babies would burden your mom... especially if she made the offer. I think she would enjoy the special time with all of you. And coping on our own is something none of us should ever have to do... that's why we have family and friends. They are our backbone and support system. I know I get a rush out of helping those I care about. I don't doubt your family and friends would feel the same.
12:39 AM*hugs*
turiya
libby,
4:24 AMI know exactly what you mean about needing to find ways to cope yourself first. I'd be the same.
But I also know that when a very different situation occurred in my own life, and I made a big effort to do it alone ... and got through it but not easily, that later the people who mattered to me said "we kept away because we knew you wanted it that way ... but accepting a little extra help at the beginning would have freed up time for you to think things through rather than panic, and you'd have been able to cope alone so much faster". And they were right.
So let your mother help if you can ... it's not that in asking for help you are not coping - think of it as help she's simply providing to create a breathing space for you. And that breathing space can take many forms - you'll know what you need most, yourself.
Lots of hugs and really awful jokes to make you smile :)
You will do a great job. Take care of yourself and your adorable children. Maybe if you venture out just a little bit at a time, bit by bit, that will help. I know you can handle the twins and Poppy!
4:58 AMLibby,
1:42 AMI've not commented before - and I'm sure many other people have told you this - but sometimes when i'm overwhelmed it helps to hear again. You do know and will know what to do. They will get the care and stimulation they need. The best thing you can do for your babies is to take care of yourself. You will enjoy them too, it just won't be the same as with Poppy, it will be different, but right nonetheless.
Libby,
9:42 PMSorry you are feeling down & nervous about taking on the daily stuff w/o your Sir there. You will do a fine job though & William is lucky to have a mommy who is experienced in caring for children with extra needs.
Sending lots of love & positive thoughts from another new mommy.
Maybe this video will make you smile a little:
4:04 AMNational Breastfeeding Month: Whip Em Out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-srRNG3ZOM
(cut and paste into your browser)
Hope you are getting along okay this week.
jojo
Hey Libby, Congrats on your new babies. I know with any baby twins or not, we moms all need a mini break for just ourselves. I know when mine was born, my mom was always wanting/begging to watch my daughter, she loved it, and my mom got to spend quality time with her. I nursed my daughter and would make sure to be back at my moms in an hour or so as mine hated bottles, and never would drink what I pumped lol. I never liked nursing in public either. I'd end up going to babies-r-us nearby and using their mother room. Also A couple of my good friends had twins recently, and they pay someone to come in a few times a week and help them out, to keep from getting overwhelmed. Plus they said it gives them some individual time with each twin. Just remember your a great mom, and I hope everything goes well the next week for you! *hugs*
8:23 AMIt is not surprising that you are feeling down, your hormones are all over the place and having also to look after the twins and William is a lot of work. I do feel however that once you get into a routine and become use to the additional role, you will be fine. Just don't forget to ask for support your allowed to.
12:40 PMI hope you feel better soon
xxxxx
hey libby, i'm just a lurker who stumbled on your blog one day. congratulations on your three beautiful children!
3:35 AMi was just commenting because i happen to work at a human services agency in the US that does early intervention services for multi-disabled infants, and i know our specialists work with a lot of babies with conditions like william's. i wanted to stress the importance of making sure that william doesn't have problems with his vision. for young babies, 85% of their learning comes from visual cues and information, so if he has problems seeing or focusing, it will severely affect all facets of his development. early intervention specialists can figure out whether william can do things like track items with his eyes and focus properly, and if he does have trouble, they can teach you how to do activities that will stimulate him to use his vision so that he uses it as much as possible (for young children, it's really true with vision that if you don't use it, you will lose it). many babies born early or with other disabilities also have vision problems, so for an infant like william, it is crucial that he have use of vision.
i don't think that in your earlier posts you mentioned anything about him having vision problems, but coming from the field, i just want to make you aware of the importance of it, and to keep an eye on his vision as he develops. best of luck taking care of the twins - you are a very strong individual and a wonderful mom. i'm rooting for you!
thank you to everyone for your supportive comments - the week went easier than i thought it would and me and the twins even made it out of the house a few times! Though both babies had a grumpy sausage day (separately), we coped with that too, so i think things will be OK :)
6:02 PMlibby
xxxxx
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