BDSM and D/s

November 06, 2010

BDSM and D/s

A little while back there was a post on 'Submissive Guide' where the author wrote about her view that BDSM is separate and different from D/s. She gave several reasons for this: namely that she sees BDSM as standing for bondage, discipline and sadomasochism and D/s as standing for Dominance and submission, and she points out that there are those who enjoy 'kinky' play with bondage and floggings without being a Dom or a sub, and others who give or take control in a D/s relationship without being able or wanting to take part in pain play etc. All of which is true and i respect her viewpoint, but i have a different opinion.

i think that D/s falls under the BDSM umbrella. So to me being in a D/s relationship means that you practice and are involved in BDSM, but not everyone who is involved in BDSM is in a D/s relationship. If that makes sense; think of it in similar terms as oranges are a type of fruit but not all fruits are oranges. i see BDSM as standing for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism; with some relationships and activities incorporating all 3 aspects, some 2 and some only 1. And of course there will be vanilla aspects in any relationship too, which do not come under the BDSM umbrella even though the relationship as a whole does. And yes it is true that there are some people who only ever practice one aspect of BDSM: they might be into bondage and discipline scenes but never dominate or submit, or be into giving and receiving pain; they might be a Dominant or submissive but not into bondage, discipline or pain scenes (infact they may be into a service relationship or long-distance one where these aspects become irrelevant or impractical); or they may be into giving and receiving pain only without being tied up or disciplined or dominating or submitting.

But in my experience most relationships incorporate at least 2 of the BDSM elements and many of them involve all 3 to some extent, some of the time. Of course every relationship is different and the exact balance of each aspect will differ in each dynamic, but i feel that among all these different relationships there are enough common features to be able to group them all together under one big umbrella, and label them all as 'BDSM' activities. Just my opinion, yours may well vary!