submission v. being Dominated

November 14, 2010

submission v. being Dominated

Oatmeal girl wrote a post recently about the differences between submitting and being Dominated, which is something i hadn't really thought about before. And seeing as the twins are happily snoozing and Poppy is busy making 'dens' with Sir i thought i'd come on here and do a 'Sunday musings' post which i haven't done in quite a while. So here goes:

When you think about it it becomes quite obvious that submitting to someone else is different to being Dominated by that person, although often the two do go together in the context of a D/s relationship for example. And the opposite is also true: Dominating someone is different to being submitted to. Of course if you try to Dominate someone who may not take too kindly to it, or try to submit to someone who isn't going to appreciate it, it can cause problems, hence why we try to Dominate and submit to the right people and seek out those kinds of relationships, but i think Dominance and submission are natural qualities which tend to be there in most interactions anyway, even vanilla ones. So for example Sir is naturally Dominant and takes control in most situations and leads others, and i do find that mainly people follow His lead and do as He asks and go to Him for guidance. And i have always been submissive and wanting to please others and i feel much more comfortable if someone else has told me what to do rather than having to make all my own decisions.  It may seem that wanting to Dominate naturally means that someone would like to be submitted to, and wanting to submit means that someone would like to be Dominated, and i guess in most cases that is true, but i think it is also true that some people place more importance on one aspect than the other.

Which is the point that Oatmeal girl was trying to make. Take me for example: it is much more important for me to submit than it is to be Dominated. i need to feel that i am being pleasing and useful and helpful, rather than needing to be ordered around and made to do things and controlled. Of course i do enjoy being Dominated else i wouldn't be in the relationship i am, but my need to submit is the overwhelming one and it happens in contexts outside of my dynamic with Sir. And it is present in all situations with Sir, even when He is not overtly Dominating me. So i will happily kneel at His feet, keeping nice and quiet and revelling in the sensations of being submissive to Him, without feeling that He should be barking orders at me and overpowering my will at that time. i actually find it difficult to imagine it the other way round - that i would need to be Dominated all the time but have the need to submit only some of the time, but i guess that would be someone who 'fights' the orders and control but really enjoys it and only submits of their own will part of the time?

So i'd love to hear from other people - which is most important in your life, being Dominated or submitting, and why?