a submissive's musings: March 2010

formspring.me #15

What is the next thing on your 101 list you hope to accomplish?

i'd like to say something exciting like 'swim under a waterfall' or 'go bare-back riding' but i think those things are off-limits for now due to the pregnancy. i've got some time off work over Easter, so maybe something productive like 'read all of the Wheel of Time books' or 'send flame a letter' would be good?
And i'm secretly hoping to accomplish this one soon: 'kiss another girl in r/l'!

Ask me anything

Spring cleaning

So today i have been inspired by the change of season and the fact that Spring definitely seems to be here at last, plus the fact that i have finally got more energy than i've had in weeeeeeks, to get some cleaning and sorting done around the house. Not as much as i would have liked to, due to Sir keep telling me to take a break and sit down and rest and have a drink and a snack (actually it's probably a good job He's been doing that because otherwise i might get so involved that i forget to do those things!) And also He has banned me from doing certain tasks which involve too much stretching up high, heavy lifting, etc. And there's a pile of things that need to go up into the loft which Sir has said He will take up later. But overall, things are looking clean and sparkly and organised around here and it makes me feel pretty good!

i have also taken the opportunity to do a little spring cleaning on this blog! So you may notice that the sidebar has changed a bit, some things have been removed, others shuffled around, and my blogroll has been updated. Please feel free, while i'm in this mood, to leave comments about any widgets in my sidebar that i've removed that you really want back, any you think i should get, anything you'd like to see on my blog generally, and any other comments you may have about my blog - i'll take them all into consideration! Thanksssssss

(Oh i nearly forgot to say: i have decided to stop using 'Plurk' as the karma stuff really annoyed me and i have gone back to Twitter. i would love it if people would 'follow' me on there and add comments to my tweets and all that - thanks again!)

formspring.me #14

Hello Libby. Did you worry, when you started out, that you would become more and more extreme in what you would do in play sessions? I know that trust is key, but were you worried that what you craved, as a masochist, would become too much?

Hi, this is a really interesting question and one i thought a lot about myself in the beginning because i wondered this too. i was worried that i would have to keep 'upping the ante' as it were to get the same thrill out of play (a bit like how drug users have to take more and more of the drug to get high as their body becomes used to it). i even wrote a post on this question: http://libbysub.blogspot.com/2007/08/extremes.html

But 4 years on from first 'playing' with Sir i can say that no, for me i don't have a need for things to keep getting more and more extreme just to satisfy my masochistic cravings. Maybe i'm more of a slave than a masochist, and a true masochist would need to keep pushing the boundaries of what they do just to remain sated by it? But not me, i have definitely developed and evolved a lot since i first started and what i do now is more extreme than back then, and many of the things that Sir has introduced me to initially i was afraid of and thought i could never do, but i think that once you get past that exploration phase you reach a kind of plateau where you discover what your needs and boundaries are pain-wise, and they remain pretty much constant. Or they do in my case anyway! And my desire/craving for pain is still able to be satisfied by Sir and hasn't noticeably increased (actually it decreases quite a lot when i am pregnant or recovering from giving birth).
Hope that answers the question!

Ask me anything

Shock

i was visiting some of the blogs in my blogroll today when i came across a very worrying post on one of them. It said that the blog is closed until further notice as somebody had used it to 'out' her to her boss at work and was threatening to out her to the families of the children she works with and to her ex-husband. It made me feel really sick to think that someone would do that, and then i got angry because what right does that person have to stick their nose into someone else's private life. Just because this woman chooses to be a submissive does not make her a bad mother or unfit to work with children, but the way society thinks right now it could jeopardize her job and maybe make her lose custody of her children. i guess it just brought home to me how much i would stand to lose if someone did the same to me - though Sir has taken some precautions against those kinds of things happening. i hope the situation for this person works out OK and she is able to return to blogging because she was one of the best. And i hope that one day we can all be free to be who we want to be in our private lives without being judged by others, and having our jobs and families ripped apart if 'society' finds out :(

formspring.me #13

Have you ever met (or are you interested in meeting) any of your Dom's previous subs?

No, none of them live near here anymore and Sir no longer keeps in contact with any of them. He has told me a few details about each of them and His relationship with them, but to be honest i don't want to know too much about them - it would make me feel jealous and weird and it might also damage my confidence as His slave because my natural tendency is to compare myself to others. So i would be thinking things like "that other sub had such beautiful breasts, i wonder if Sir wishes mine were like that" or "that other slave was so graceful in her service, i will never attain that level".
i think it would be a bit like meeting your boyfriends ex-girlfriends, which again i would not want to do. So although i am curious about them i do not want to meet them.

Ask me anything

libby the life model

So, as i mentioned before, Sir has started me on 'exhibitionism' training and part of that entails being a life model for an art class (which Sir is also attending). Last Saturday we went along to meet the woman who runs the class and find out exactly what my role would entail, and then Sunday i did 2 hours of life modelling for the very first time! Here's my account of what happened:

The art class is for 'intermediate' art students, i.e. those who have a bit of talent but need guidance on developing their technique, and it runs for 8 weeks using a variety of media but concentrating on drawing the human body. The same woman also runs a similar class on Saturdays using still lifes as the inspiration but Sir wasn't as keen to attend those classes! Last Sunday was focusing on using chalk and charcoal, and there were 12 people taking the class (roughly equal amounts of men and women) plus the art teacher, so i was naked in a room of 12 strangers! i was shown through to a separate room to change into a robe, whilst the teacher did an intro on how to use chalk and charcoal, and then i was called through and asked to think of 3 different 'short' poses to do so that the students could practice their sketching techniques. i did one pose standing up holding my belly bump, one sitting with my feet curled up next to me and one sitting on the floor with my legs crossed in front, leaning back on my hands. Because i only had to hold each pose for 10 minutes there was no achiness or cramps, so from that point of view it was easy. But actually getting naked in front of strangers and then having to remain still whilst they examined every part of my body was very difficult and i felt nervous and shy for the whole of that first half hour.

Then i had a short break (during which i went to the loo and had a drink) whilst the teacher talked about some of the sketches done, and gave tips and pointers to the students, and then i was asked to come back in and the teacher helped me to pose in a specific way she had in mind - sprawled out on the sofa in the middle. It was a nice comfy pose because i had to try and stay like that for the next 50 minutes, but again i was very aware at the beginning of my nakedness, especially when the teacher started going round making comments like "look more closely at her form, i don't think you've got the rise of the breasts quite right there". But as the class continued i came to the realisation that all the people there were looking at me as an object to be drawn, so they weren't thinking about my body in terms of which parts were pretty and which parts had flaws, but more like the shape and size and proportion of each part in order to be able to represent it accurately, just the same as the sofa i was laying on. And that made me feel a lot better and i kind of daydreamed laying there for a while, which made the time go much quicker.

When the time was up i went back through to the other room to get dressed whilst everyone showed their work and talked about it, and the teacher pointed out the good parts of what each person had done. i came back through towards the end of that, and it was really weird but also really great to be able to see myself in so many pictures and i thought i looked beautiful in some of them, which made me really pleased. The whole experience was kind of liberating in a way, and i'm no longer nervous about going back each week. Sir has already said that He'd like me to stay on to model for the sculpture course which is being held for 8 weeks after this one finishes, but i am allowed to choose whether i do or not. i really want to because Sir said He would keep the sculpture of me for our house, but i am also worried about how big i might be by then and it might be an ugly big not a good one. But we'll see. For now the exhibitionism is coming along OK, and i'm very relieved.

formspring.me #12

The thought of the birth of twins is remarkable. Was it planned or did you just have some play time unexpected?

Ummm i'm not really sure what this question means. We certainly didn't plan to have twins, i'm not sure anyone really does, but now that we know we're expecting 2 little ones we are really excited and looking forward to it. But if you're asking did we plan to get me pregnant/ add to our family then yes we did, and it happened as soon as i stopped my contraception as well!

The bit about 'unexpected play time' confuses me as well. 'Play' time to us means scening combined with training, and it doesn't always involve sex, infact often it doesn't. It usually takes place in the dungeon/barn and may involve me being flogged, restrained, put on various pieces of equipment, etc. We never really have unexpected play time because obviously we can't do those things with Poppy around, so they only happen when she is safely out of the house, being looked after by my sister on a Sunday morning.

However, having Poppy in the house doesn't stop me and Sir having sex, just like any other couple, and though we don't plan those types of sessions, Sir tends to take full advantage of any times Poppy is sleeping and He is in the mood for it, which is quite often! So i wouldn't really say that time was 'unexpected' either.

i want to answer another baby question in this post too:
'as a slave who is used to some pain, do you intend to use epidural during the labour?'

First i should explain that there's pain and then there's PAIN. The type of pain Sir gives to me during a scene is completely different from the type of pain of a broken leg say, or indeed of being in labour. One i consented to when i was collared by Sir, it reinforces my submission to Him, it turns me on, it makes me go all floaty and to a good place, especially when combined with pleasure. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with unexpected or unwanted pain, such as when my knee dislocated or when i gave birth to Poppy. So i intend to use pain-relieving methods during the twins' birth (including a birthing pool, gas and air and possibly an epidural, depending on how things are going). i have yet to talk to the hospital consultant about their policies and practices regarding twin deliveries, because i believe in some hospitals they require an epidural to be used for all twin births incase of complications. Due to my needle phobia i would prefer to avoid that, but as i said i will need to discuss it with the consultant nearer the time. So it is possible that i will use/need an epidural for the labour/birth, and i will definitely be using some forms of pain relief.

Ask me anything

formspring.me #11

Do you know any websites that I can find a slave on the internet (cyber) for free?

i am going to include 2 other questions in this answer because they are similar:
'May I know where to find an official slave?'
'Can you recommend a nice chat site for a submissive to speak with others like yourself and learn more?'

The first question is actually the easiest to answer because there are lots of sites on the internet where it is possible to find those who profess to be slaves, and engage in cyber-sex scenes with them: CollarMe.com, Alt.com, Bondage.com all spring to mind as do FetLife and the Fetish Exchange. Then there are all the chatrooms that can be accessed through the Bondage.com website and through the bondage channel (6667) on IRC, where there are many willing 'slaves' ready and waiting to cyber with the Dom of their dreams. i believe that the Bondage.com site even has webcam channels where you can see your 'slave' as well as chat to them. Of course some of those sites may require a registration fee but not all of them do, and the reason i use 'slave' like that is because many of those you come across online are not the slaves/subs or Masters/Doms that they profess to be. But if you just want a bit of BDSM cyber i don't think you'll mind.

To find an 'official' slave would be more tricky, though it is possible to do so online - just look at the way me and Sir first met. So you could try a BDSM chatroom or message board and see if you end up lucky. Otherwise i would suggest finding out about your local BDSM group and going along to one of their munches (informal gatherings), play parties or other meetings, to chat with others there, get to know them, perhaps get to scene with some of them, and maybe find the slave of your dreams!

The chatroom question seems easy when i first read it, but i guess a lot of it is down to preference. If you go to the Bondage.com website and access the chatrooms through there, or through the bondage channel (6667) on IRC you can browse through lots of different BDSM rooms to find one you like. Some of them are scening rooms, some are chat only, some are very busy, some very quiet. i guess it just takes patience to find one you like, but i would suggest finding out the rules of the room when you first enter (try typing !rules), being respectful (use 'Sir' and 'Ma'am' if required), watching for a while first and then maybe asking a question or two in the main channel and seeing who responds. Often there are people (Dom and sub) who are willing to help coach and mentor newbies, so it's just a case of finding them. And when you start going back to the same room regularly you will make friends who you can chat to about anything! Good luck!

libby
xxxxx

Ask me anything

formspring.me #10

My question is Valentine's Day inspired: what is Sir Peter's take on how you first met and your initial training and so on?

Sorry it has taken me so long to get round to answering some of these questions, but i will get there in the end i promise! To be honest i'm too tired this weekend to think of 'proper' blog posts to write so i'm planning to answer quite a few of these formspring questions instead! (btw this question is similar to another one asked: 'how did you and Sir first meet?' and my Sir has agreed to write it from His perspective. my account of how we met can be found here: http://libbysub.blogspot.com/2008/03/our-story.html)

SP: I first became aware of libby in November 2005 when she posted a message on an online 'fetish' site asking for an experienced Dominant to provide her with online training. I had released My previous submissive about a year earlier and from that relationship I had decided that I am best suited to 'new' submissives/slaves who can be trained from scratch in the ways I prefer and require. Hence how I came to be reading the types of messages which led Me to discover libby.

To be honest I nearly didn't reply to libby's message because she stated very clearly that she was interested in online contact only, and didn't envisage herself ever wishing to become involved in a real-life relationship. Myself I am almost entirely the opposite, very much preferring frequent contact in real-life from all of the submissives and slaves I have had relationships with. The main reasons I replied to libby were that her 'newness', her naivety and innocence coupled with her eagerness and intelligence, shone through in her message and she lived very close to Me (approx 20mins by car or train). So I did reply and was pleased when she wrote back telling Me more about herself and saying that she would very much like Me to become her online 'Mentor' if I still wanted to.

It quickly became apparent that libby was a very special new submissive indeed. Though still in the beginning stages of discovering her submission, she had such a natural desire to please, an amazing capacity to learn and progress, and such a sweet and trusting nature, that I soon became very enamored by her and knew that I would like to be more than just her online Trainer. However I took things slowly, introducing her to new concepts and challenges as and when I felt she was ready, gradually increasing the range of contact methods between us to eventually include webcam and telephone, until in the end we had done everything except meet in person. she had been so receptive to My training and advanced so quickly through the various stages of the program I had devised that after 5 months she was virtually unrecognisable as the 'newbie' I had first started working with and I felt she was ready to start training in earnest to become My real-life submissive.

So we arranged a meeting in a cafe local to Me, and once again libby was able to surpass all My expectations of her and prove herself to be the best submissive I have ever encountered. That meeting marked the beginning of a new phase in our relationship, and shortly after libby began to visit My house frequently to engage in intensive real-life training to shape her into My 'ideal' submissive. During those training sessions I became more and more convinced that libby wasn't actually a submissive at all, but that she possessed that rare attribute of a pure slave heart. But I kept that knowledge secret until much further on in our relationship, knowing it would frighten her and potentially do a lot of damage to this still-fragile little soul. Once again libby progressed through her training far quicker than I had anticipated, and I found Myself in a position 5 months later ready for her to move in as My full-time slave. The 'try-out' week was more for libby's benefit than for Mine as I already knew that she was more than up to the job, but the confidence that week gave her and the way in which she served Me during that time further convinced Me that I had indeed found My 'One' - and I had no intention of letting her get away from Me!

A speedy collaring and a house-move on libby's part, and we moved onto the next phase in our relationship, from which we have continued to grow and develop together and become ever-more closer. Of course we are now married, have a daughter and are expecting two more additions to our family, but all of those seemed like natural steps to take. I have never had the smallest reason to doubt libby or question whether I made the right decision in collaring her, and I am sure that she would say the same about Me. Our relationship has made Me the happiest and most contented I have ever been, and I have certainly grown as a Master because of libby. The fact that she continues to shine and excel proves that we are uniquely suited to each other - we have both found our 'One' and I am grateful every single day for that initial message which brought us together.

Peter

Ask me anything

i love being a mum!

Today is Mothers Day in the UK and i have had a lovely day and been thoroughly spoiled! It started with Poppy and Sir making me breakfast in bed and Poppy giving me her hand-drawn card and presents - a box of sweeties she made at nursery and a pretty photo frame with a photo of the two of us in it. Then Sir gave me my present from the twins - an appointment card for a 'pregnancy wellbeing' massage with a private massage therapist in a little village quite near us.

So after we had all shared breakfast (there was loads of it on the tray, far too much for even me and the tadpoles to get through!) we got ready and Sir drove us to my massage appointment. On the way He was filling me in on the somewhat unique approach that this male massage therapist takes - apparently he only does 'female' massage and only for 'female' issues (such as pregnancy, hormone imbalances, post-natal depression, PMT, pregnancy, post-natal recovery, etc), and he likes to work 'holistically' with candles, crystals, herbs and music, and he prefers to incorporate as much of the body as the woman is comfortable with into his massage - so Sir had booked me in a for a full body treatment, except for the genital region! i was a bit nervous about this, but Sir said it would be fine, He had heard glowing testimonies about this man from other women and it was being done in his house with his wife and children in the other rooms so nothing dodgy was likely to happen. And Sir reminded me about my exhibitionism training and said that this massage would be counted as part of it.

When we got there and met the man he immediately put me at ease. He wasn't at all how i expected (for some reason i was imagining a really effeminate guy, or a really airy fairy 'new age' type, but he was neither - he was really manly, really down to earth, just normal), but he chatted to me about my pregnancy and what issues i had been having so far and he was really knowledgable in the questions he asked. Also he had asked Sir to get advice from my consultant as to what would be safe for me in the treatment and he made notes as Sir told him what had been said. Then Sir and Poppy left to go and wander round the village and i was taken through to a lovely little massage room is his house and i met his wife on the way in and she seemed lovely too. The man (Paul was his name) explained to me a bit about how the treatment would work, and told me that we would start with me lying on my front and then i would turn over onto my back. He said that i shouldn't be embarrassed about him seeing me without clothes on as he would be focusing on the mechanics of my body and how to help bring each part back into alignment. And he said that if i was ever uncomfortable with a certain technique or anything i could just say and he would move on.

So we got started - i took my clothes off and lay down on a special pregnancy massage table with holes cut out for my belly and my bewbies, while Paul lit candles and put on some calming music. and did stuff with a bowl which chimed when he tapped it. He started with a fairly traditional massage on my neck, shoulders and back, which was fairly firm and was uncomfortable at times while he was working all the tense areas out. Then he did a bottom massage (i had kept my panties on though), which was actually really nice, and then he worked on my lower back some more with wooden massage tools, which was a bit ouchie for a while. Then it was time to turn over, and he helped me get comfy with the head of the bed propped up and a pillow behind me. We moved onto the relaxation and skin hydration phase of the treatment then, and it turned out to be really really good! He used really long, slow, gentle movements to massage my arms and hands, then my legs and feet, then He used some special cream on my bewbies and belly bump. It wasn't as embarrassing as i thought it would be to get my bewbies massaged by a man, and it didn't feel pervy at all. He was very sensitive and respectful and although he was thorough it didn't feel like he was touching me for the sake of it, but rather to help me. And though my bewbies were tender it did feel really nice and by the time he finished they were a lot less achy then before. The belly massage was my favourite part and made me very relaxed and floaty, then he covered me with a sheet and did a scalp and hair massage which was just lovely and i was kind of drifting in and out of a doze when Poppy and Sir arrived back to collect me - apparently the treatment had taken 2 hours! Poppy looked at me and said "Mama sleeps, babies sleeps?" and i told her that yes we had all gone to sleep for a little while and were feeling very happy. At the end of the treatment Paul gave me all the pots of stuff he had used on me, apparently he makes them especially for each client and they are included in the price - so i now have his special mixture massage oil and his special mixture skin hydrating cream (for bewbies, belly, hips and thighs) which also helps to prevent stretch marks!

We went out for lunch next at a lovely restaurant that Sir had pre-booked and i was really thirsty by then and drank lots of juice and had a really nice meal, and they were so good with Poppy and let her have a small portion of what me and Sir were having and didn't mind when she dropped some on the floor. Then we came home again, and i have just been chilling out with Sir and Poppy feeling really really good with all my aches gone and my whole body just glowing. i've been watching Poppy play this afternoon and feeling so proud that this beautiful, bright little girl is mine and so so lucky that i have the chance to be a mummy to her and soon to our twins as well.

Happy Mothers Day everyone!

formspring.me #9

Since your sister knows about your relationship, does she read your blog or has she become interested in exloring the lifestyle herself?

i haven't told my sister i keep an online blog, and even if i did i wouldn't give her the link because i think there's only so much i would want her to know about mine and Sir's private life. i know some sisters share everything, but i would find it weird to read a blog about her sex life and i think she would feel the same about reading my blog.

my sister is very different from me and totally vanilla, so i know she would never be interested in exploring any aspects of the lifestyle herself. She is very much into being an equal partner in her relationships, and expects her boyfriends to do their share of the cooking and cleaning etc, so i really can't imagine her wanting to either submit to them or to Dominate them. i can't even imagine her letting someone blindfold her during sex so i think any form of kinkiness is out as far as she is concerned. To be honest i think it would scare her if she was to read about some of the deeper aspects of a M/s relationship, so i'm quite glad that she thinks it all consists of 'floggers and handcuffs' really!

Having said all that my sister respects other people's choices and lifestyles and i think she's just happy to let me be as she can see how content i am with Sir. So there's no real reason for her to delve deeper. And i hope it stays that way.

Ask me anything

Training news

Just a little update on some recent training news:

~ Sir is concentrating on the 'exhibitionism' and 'extending play with subs in r/l' aspects of my training at the moment, though He will also incorporate aspects of the 'cumming on demand' and 'humiliation' trainings as and when possible as both of these are more difficult during pregnancy due to fluctuating hormones and emotions. Later in my pregnancy He will have me start work on the 'service' training as it becomes more difficult for me to carry out the practical elements of some of the other types of training.

~ Tomorrow's Mothers Day treat will have some element of exhibitionism to it, and then from next Sunday onwards i will be given a real challenge in this area because Sir has signed me up as a life-model for drawing classes! He has also signed Himself up to take part in the classes, which last for 2 hours every Sunday morning for the next 8 weeks, and teach a range of techniques and media to paint and draw with - and i will be the model for every single one of them. i am sooooo nervous, and not sure whether Sir being there painting and drawing me alongside the other people makes it better or worse. But me and Sir have an appointment with the lady who runs the classes next Saturday to drop in and see a class taking place and ask questions and find out what normally happens and everything like that. She is very excited because they've never managed to get a pregnant model before and apparently she's already asked Sir if i will consider staying on for a following 8 weeks to be the model for the sculpture classes she will be running, but Sir said we will wait and see how it goes. i've been looking up stuff about life-modelling online and it scares me to read about it, but i know this is something Sir really wants me to do so i'll just have to go with it. Not looking forward to it though.

~ in happier news i got given a charm for my bracelet which Sir realised i have been owed for a long time - it's for the 'play with Dommes' training achievement (both online and r/l), it's a sparkly high-heeled shoe and looks a bit like this. Sir says when i have passed my 'play with subs in r/l' training i can get another charm for that one too!

Outstanding news

Sometimes i don't know what happens to my brain with all the preggie hormones floating around! i was reading back through my recent posts and realised that i haven't told you all about the very exciting thing that happened whilst our internet was cut off. So here it is (just a tad late!):

Ofsted arrived suddenly one day at work and announced that they had come to carry out a full inspection. (For those of you outside the UK, Ofsted are the government department who inspect all schools, nurseries and child-minders and they have the power to close them down or put them into 'special measures' which effectively means if they don't improve then they will be closed down. And the inspection reports have to be sent out to all staff and parents of children in the establishment and they are all published online too. So it's quite a major thing!) Everyone went into overdrive and it was a very very scary 4 days (a normal inspection is 2 days, but because my special needs unit is operated by social services it counts as a separate establishment, so had to be inspected separately). There were a few late nights spent preparing things for the following day, but basically we just had to do things how we normally would and wait and see what the inspectors would think. It's one thing to feel that you're doing a good job everyday, but quite another thing to know that an inspector can walk into the room at any moment to scrutinise your practice and ask you probing questions and demand to see your paperwork, so those 4 days were very intense and draining on everyone!

But the results were...... the nursery overall is 'good with outstanding features' and my special needs unit is 'outstanding in all areas'!! i was so happy i cried when i was told. The written report has just come out and it says some really lovely things about my unit and the way it's run and the staff in general and also about me as the person in charge. It made me very proud :) And now we're getting an 'outstanding service provider' certificate to put on the wall, and social services are going to give us more money for resources in recognition of our achievement and i get a bonus in my pay-packet!! Yayyyyy for 'outstanding' Ofsted reports!

formspring.me #8

Do you still take 3 minute cold showers? I tried it but couldn't last 10 seconds. How cold is the water really?

Yes, i am still required to turn the water to cold at the end of my morning shower, and spend 1 minute rinsing my back, 1 minute rinsing my front and 1 minute rinsing my bottom and pussy. i have a clock in the bathroom to help me time this right, though i am pretty good at guessing the amount of time now. The reason for this rule is my fault:- when i spent a week at Sir's house before i moved in with Him and He decided to collar me i took far too long in the shower in the mornings, so that by the time i got out He was already out of His shower, dried and dressed and waiting for breakfast! So Sir created this rule to remind me to focus on getting clean not on enjoying the warm water. i'm not sure if the rule will ever be removed, but to be honest i'm used to it now. And yes the water is properly cold, it's the same temperature as the water which comes out of the cold tap, the first few seconds on each area are the worst and make me jiggle around, but then it gets better. And it does make sure i am properly awake and ready for the day ahead!

Thanks for the question, please continue to be patient if i haven't answered your question yet - i am behind due to not having the internet for 2 weeks. And please keep leaving me questions in the formspring box, thanks :)

Ask me anything

The BDSM party

i almost forgot in all the excitement of having our internet back that i haven't written on here what happened at Sir David's BDSM dinner party for His 50th birthday! It seems like a long time ago now but it will only be a week ago tomorrow! So i won't keep you in suspense any longer......

Basically, for those who don't know, Sir David is a Dom friend of my Sir's and He lives fairly close by so we visit Him sometimes and He visits us. He has also been involved in some elements of my training, and He testified for Sir at our collaring ceremony and His slave johanna testified for me, and they both came to our wedding. Anyway, Sir received an invite to a black tie dinner party for Sir David's 50th birthday, to be held at His house, and it said 'bring your sub/slave with you'. Sir immediately phoned up Sir David to find out all the details and He was getting really excited by what He heard, which made me a little apprehensive, and i got even more apprehensive when He told me there would be a BDSM training element to the evening after the dinner had finished, and that each Dom/me would carry out a training scene with another Dom/me's sub. i asked and asked what my training would be and who would carry it out with me but Sir said He wasn't allowed to tell me. So although i was excited about the posh dinner i was also nervous about what was to happen afterwards.

It took me quite a while to find something to wear as well, because my belly has quite a prominent bump already but most of the maternity clothes in the shops seemed too old and frumpy to wear to a black tie do. But in the end i found this dress which looked really good on me, and i already had some shoes and a bag to match, so i went for that :). Sir looked very yummy in a black suit with a pink cravat to match my dress, it made me all wiggly to look at Him and i kept leaning over to smell Him all evening because He just smelt delicious!

The actual dinner part of the evening was really nice - there were 'waiters' there (who later i found out were subs of the 3 Dommes who came) who served us our meals and johanna was in charge of the drinks and did a really good job of making sure everyone had champagne and wine/soft drinks throughout the dinner - actually most people opted for soft drinks because they were going to be involved in the 'training' sessions after (either giving or receiving) and wanted to keep a clear head for that, so i didn't feel left out not drinking. Most people had a small glass of champagne to toast Sir David with though (i had one sip!). The dinner was really really yummy and there was plenty of it, even for me with 2 hungry tadpoles inside! We started off with tomato and basil soup with croutons, followed by goats cheese and shallot tart, then for main course we had beef tenderloin with a port and mushroom sauce served with rosemary and garlic potatoes, sweet potato mash, very yummy caramelized carrots, turnips and parsnips, fresh peas and a weird wilted spinach thing, then after that we had white chocolate raspberry mousse cake with cream which was incredible, and cheese and biscuits and coffee after. i was nicely full! After dinner us subs were sent through to the lounge to chat while the Doms stayed at the table plotting and scheming! i was still feeling nervous but it was lovely to be able to chatter to the other girls, and find out what they'd been up to recently and i also met a lovely new sub who Sir Mark is training up - she is called Eloise and she is very pretty and quite innocent and shy, but very very eager to learn and very friendly. We spent a long time chatting, and later on Sir and Sir Mark saw us talking and said that they will arrange for us to meet up and do some things together which will be nice :) i wanted to chat to johanna and the boy 'waiters' as well, but they were kept busy serving the Dom/mes in the other room so i couldn't.

Then all of a sudden Sir David came through and told us that the training sessions were due to begin, and we were to take our clothes off, go through to the study, collect the bag or box with our name on which also told us who would be training us, then go back through to the dining room and present ourselves to our trainer Dom/me and give Him/Her the bag or box of equipment they had chosen to bring with them. The butterflies in my tummy were really strong when i heard that and suddenly i got really nervous about taking my clothes off in front of the other girls, let alone walking into the other room naked, but we all just got on with it and did as we were told, and i went into the study and found a black velvet bag with my name and 'Sir Mark' attached to it, and i didn't feel quite so nervous then because i know Sir Mark and He has always seemed really nice. We all collected our bags or boxes (one girl had a huge black box to carry through) and then filed into the dining room and found our trainer and presented ourselves to them. Eloise was being trained by my Sir but she got the presentation all wrong, and had to be sent out twice to try again, and i felt really sorry for her, but once we were all presenting to the Dom/mes' satisfaction some of the subs were led away to other parts of the house (i don't know where), so that there was just me, Eloise, another girl i didn't know and 2 of the 'waiters' who were now also naked, left. We were all taken through to the lounge again, where Sir did a flogging training session with Eloise first, which went really well and she did great considering she has never been flogged at all before, then He was giving her some aftercare in one of the corners with a Domme helping Him and suddenly it was my turn!

Sir Mark said that we would be working on my humiliation training, then He got out a piggie tail buttplug from His bag and told me to kneel on all fours so He could put it in. i was so embarrassed, but it got even worse because He then put a nose hook in and tied it off to my hair, and told me to 'snort' for everyone. i was really cringing! Then He started talking about my piggie teats and telling everyone to look at them and my belly bump and how i was a 'good breeder piggie' and then the worst bit of all was when He got out a pussy pump and started using it on my pussy in front of everyone. i actually don't know if they were all looking or whether other things were going on in the room at the same time, i was too embarrassed to look up and find out, but it felt like i was on show to everyone. The pussy pump felt like it was making my pussy lips huge and they were really throbbing when He took it off. He kept telling everyone to look at the 'breeder piggie's cunt', and then He said He was going to make me squeal and started to flog my pussy and use something sharp on my feet (i think it was a fork), and it did make me squeal lots! i was squirming around as i knelt there on all fours and He was calling out about how nicely my piggie teats were jiggling, but i couldn't help it - my pussy was so sensitive and i hate having things done to my feet as well, and i wasn't even putting on the squealing, it just happened. After a while He told me to search each of the Doms for 'truffles' ("because piggies love truffles"), which confused me at first but basically meant i had to snuffle my 'snout' into their groins as they sat on the sofa. i know my face was bright red by then and everyone was watching me do it. One of the Doms was really hard under His trousers and i was extra embarrassed to snuffle Him (i'm not even sure who it was because i didn't look up at their faces, i just got on with it). Sir Mark asked the Domme if She wanted me to snuffle for truffles on Her anywhere but She said no, so i was told i could have my reward for being a good little piggie, which was a piece of chocolate cake in a little trough thing on the floor, but of course i had to use only my mouth to eat it (with the nasty nose thing still in). i wasn't even really hungry but i did my best to eat some of it, though i made a bit of a mess but they had put a mat down to protect the carpet. Then it was all over and all the nasty things were taken out of me, and i was allowed to go to Sir and be wrapped in a blankie on His lap, and He and Sir Mark told me i had done really well, and i just rested there for quite a long time just kind of drifting. i think the boys got trained next, but i don't really remember as i wasn't interested in watching by that point (wish i had though!).

After a while, not sure how long, the others came back from wherever they had been, and it was time to go home. i was glad that i had done the training, but still feeling really little and embarrassed and i just cringe now whenever i think about it. But overall the party was really good and i'm glad i got to go, and hopefully i've made a new subbie friend and we will be able to meet up soon :)

formspring.me #7

Do you plan on ever telling your children (when they grow up) about your D/s relationship? And when they grow old enough how will you keep them out of the shed/dungeon and allay their curiosity about what's inside? Thanks libby!

This question is one which several people asked - i also got asked if i will ever introduce the lifestyle to my children and at what age, and if they find out about mine and Sir's D/s relationship how will i explain it to them?

i think my answer to this question would be similar to a vanilla parent on when and how to tell their children about aspects of their sexual relationship. Basically i will protect them from knowledge of adult activities and interactions until they are old enough to understand, but will bring them up to know and respect that there are different kinds of relationships that adults choose to engage in (without unnecessary details). i will teach them enough about sex to satisfy their questions and keep them safe, but beyond that i will not seek to inform them either about the BDSM lifestyle in general or about the more specific relationship that Sir and i have.

i think that children tend to just accept what they grow up with, so i don't anticipate too many questions from them about why me and Sir act towards each other in certain ways, and to be honest it is very subtle when we are around Poppy anyway so i don't see how or why there would be anything that would make her especially curious. Yes we interact differently to her friends' parents, but then every marriage relationship is slightly different and i can remember feeling that my friends' parents related differently to each other to how my own parents did and not being worried or surprised by this.

There's quite a bit in my rules about how to protect our children, and me and Sir are agreed that we will not expose them to the more intimate details of our relationship, just as vanilla parents wouldn't. i guess if they come to me with direct questions when they are older, i will seek to answer them as best i can, being honest while at all times protecting them from too much adult knowledge too soon. We will deal with those things when they arise. i really don't see that Poppy or the twins (or any other children we may go on to have) will experience a significantly different childhood to any of their friends or be disturbed or affected by the fact that their parents happen to practice a certain lifestyle in private when they are not around. As for the dungeon question, the barn was reinforced with new doors etc when we converted it and it is now in 2 sections - one part is a garage, the other our dungeon, but they are kept separate from each other and you can no longer access one from the other. We keep the dungeon part locked at all times, and have already explained to Poppy that she is not allowed in there because it has 'Daddy's tools' in there which could be dangerous for her. This is what we will tell all our children, and as we do not go into there when they are around, again i don't see why they would be overly curious to peek inside. Sir has the key anyway, and even i don't know where He keeps it so i doubt they could get access even if they tried.

i hope that answers all the questions about our children, but please feel free to add more if not!

Ask me anything

First things first...

i went for my 12 week scan at the hospital on Weds 24th Feb. i was feeling really nervous because the consultant had told me there was a chance one of the twins wouldn't have made it and there would only be one baby left to see, but that didn't happen at all - both of the twins are doing well and growing fine and look really healthy :) i got to see them both properly on the screen for the first time and it was really amazing to fully realise that i have these 2 little lives growing inside of me! The babies have their own sacs and their own placentas, so they are termed as 'dichorionic-diamniotic' twins, which is the least risky type of twins to have (yayyyy), but doesn't necessarily mean that they are non-identical as i first thought as some identical twins can have seperate sacs and placentas too, depending on what stage the egg split. So we have to wait and see if the babies are different sexes or if they look very different after birth or have different blood types, otherwise we would need to do a DNA test to find out if they are identical or not. Oh, and she did a 'nuchral space test' which looks for possible indicators of Downs syndrome on the ultrasound as they can't use the triple test (blood screening) in twin pregnancies - she said both babies look fine and have a very low risk of having Downs :)

my due date (40 weeks) is estimated for Sept 8th, but because twins are usually born early they gave me an adjusted due date (37 weeks) which is Aug 18th, so hopefully all being well our babies should be born sometime between those 2 dates! The longer they can stay inside me the better, unless they go much past 40 weeks because then the placentas can start to break down and cause problems, so in that unlikely event they may opt to induce me.

Right now i'm just feeling very happy that at this stage both babies are doing well and that the morning sickness has stopped (though i still get nauseous). i saw my consultant last week and he is very happy with how my pregnancy is coming along. He said my weight gain is really good, because often in twin pregnancies it is difficult to get enough calories, and he is happy with all my test results. The only problems i am really experiencing are lower back-aches, which he has recommended that i start a pregnancy pilates class to learn exercises to help with, and messed up feet which i am going to get treated at the spa soon! Other than that i am doing fine, and looking forward to starting buying furniture and equipment for our babies now (because Sir said i had to wait till after the 12 week scan).

Thanks for reading about my twins :)

What a week (or two!)

Just to let everyone know that we are all fine, we just haven't been able to connect to the internet since last Monday (22nd Feb), which has seemed like foreverrrrrr. Sir has been hassling the internet company daily, and when He threatened to terminate our contract with them and switch to a different company suddenly they got the problem sorted! Out to a party tonight, but will catch up with my blog tomorrow and fill everyone in on the tadpole news, Poppy stuff and also some work stuff!