a submissive's musings: July 2010

Friday fill-in #9

Not sure how many more of these i'll get done before the twins come, and who knows when i'll find the time to do some blogging after they're here! So make the most of this one while you can! (i will try really hard to find time to blog though, because it's important for me to be able to express myself here and get comments from others and look back on things i wrote in the past. And Sir has already said it will be important for me to still be able to go into the chatrooms to keep in contact with all my friends there, though obviously i won't be able to do that so often as i do now.....)

1. i'm going.... to burst (with frustration and excitement and literally/physically as well) if these babies don't come soon!

2. i'd love to live a life full of.... adventure and daring.

3. Perhaps today you can make it a point to.... tell the people you're closest to that you love them.

4. i tend to think of people in BDSM relationships as possessing a.... true adventurer's spirit.

5. Compassion is.... loving someone in spite of the things that should make you hate them.

6. We will do our absolute best to help and care for William.... no matter how difficult.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight i'm looking forward to.... lots of restful sleep after my chiropractor session today, tomorrow my plans include.... having Sir's mum round to visit.... and Sunday i want to.... enjoy some time with Poppy before the manic rush of the twins arrives!

While you are pregnant and getting so close to your delivery date how are you able to incorporate your lifestyle demands into your every day life? How about in your previous pregnancy with Poppy?

Quite a few people have asked pregnancy/baby - related questions, so as i have nothing else on my mind today except pregnancy/birth/baby issues i'm going to answer them all here!

If you look at my rules, you will see that Sir adapts them for me when i am pregnant - for example i am no longer required to sleep naked or with a buttplug in, i can wear comfortable clothes, have snacks between meals, use my glider chair, cushions and supports, etc. All of these rules were in place for when i was pregnant with Poppy too. Since having Poppy in our family lots of our D/s interactions have become a lot more subtle, so i no longer kneel for Sir, ask overt permission for things, stay off the furniture, etc, which in a way has made it easier to adapt for this pregnancy as there wasn't such a huge difference between how i acted before getting pregnant and how i act now.

Having said that, we do still maintain our M/s lifestyle even whilst i am pregnant and even in these last stages; some examples:
~ i keep Sir's rules in mind at all times and everything i do is aimed to be within His rules and according to His guidance.
~ when He tells me to do something i do it!
~ after Poppy has gone to bed or when she isn't in the house, i refer to Him as "Sir" and use more protocols in my language when speaking to Him.
~ i always wear my necklace 'collar' and charm bracelet.
~ i use the bathroom with the door open, and the toilet with the seat up. i only use products which Sir has selected for me.
~ i offer Sir a blow-job once each day and i try to make myself sexually available to Him when possible, even if it is just my hands!
~ i try to be in the hallway to greet Sir when He gets in from work, and i always turn to Him and give a little bow of my head when He comes into the room or i go into a room where He is.
~ i ask permission to do things as much as possible, using language that won't be picked up on by Poppy.
~ i try to find little ways to serve Sir, such as by fetching Him drinks, taking the paper to Him, giving Him foot rubs, running Him a bath, buying His favourite foods/brands, etc.

i hope that explains it better. i see our M/s lifestyle as mental as well as physical/actual, so it is still there all the time even when i am physically unable to carry out some of the rituals that i used to. The physical side is only there to reinforce the mental bonds that connect me to Sir anyway, so i don't see that being pregnant weakens our relationship in anyway.

A while ago I remember reading about a diet that Sir put you on when you were pregnant (with Poppy I think) and I couldn't find the post again so I was wondering if you could tell me what the diet was called.
i think the diet you're referring to is the one i'm on now, which is called the 'Brewer diet'. Sir put me on it after reading about the importance of eating properly when carrying twins and how a good diet can help to prevent premature labour and miscarriage in multiple births, and get the babies to a good birth weight. You can find out more here: http://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com//
Basically this diet recommends that pregnant women eat 2600 calories per day by consuming breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack plus a snack in the night. You are recommended to have 4 portions of milk-products, 2 eggs, 6-8 portions of protein, 2 portions of green veg, 5 portions of wholegrain, 2 portions of Vitamin C foods, 1 portion of Vitamin A foods, 3 portions of fats/oils, unlimited salt, water and snacks per day. It sounds like a lot, but when you look at what is counted as a 'portion' it's quite do-able really. For a twin pregnancy the calorie count goes up to 3100 and many of the portions go up accordingly. When i first started on the diet i was overwhelmed by the amount of food i was expected to eat in a day, but by breaking it down into snacks as well as meals it became a lot more manageable and now i always have one of Sir's snack boxes with me which i am gradually munching my way through. It does take a bit of time and work to make sure you have all your portions each day, but i am lucky in that Sir works all that out for me and all i have to do is make sure i eat everything He gives me! Hope that helped :)

Have you explained to Poppy the possibility that William might have certain conditions, and how it won't make him any different? Or is it too soon?

Poppy knows that William has a 'poorly head' and that he might need extra love and extra help because of this. She has already volunteered herself as William's special helper and frequently whispers this to him whilst she is chatting to the twins in my belly. Seeing as she is only 2, it seems silly to explain things to her beyond this, and to be honest we don't know how the condition will affect William ourselves yet, so we wouldn't be able to explain it further to her even if we wanted to. i think the best thing is for her to see William as her little brother and though he may be different from Finn i don't see that she will love him any less.

Thanks for all the questions, i'll try to answer more later in the week!

Ask me anything

i had a long chat with my hospital consultant after my ultrasound scan on Monday, and we have agreed my birth plan. Sir was there as well and He asked lots of good questions, which i was glad about because it's hard for my preggie brain to remember anything i want to ask at this stage! The consultant was really good and explained all our options, including the reasons for having them and any possible complications or drawbacks, and he was really honest when we asked about his opinion on whether each would be a good option in my particular case. i am giving birth at the same hospital where i had Poppy and am feeling fairly relaxed about it as last time i found all the staff really reassuring and very good at their jobs and the emphasis was firmly on helping me to have the birth experience i wanted whilst at the same time keeping my baby safe and well cared for. This hospital do have quite a lot of experience of multiple births, though they are not a specialist centre for them or anything like that, and the consultant assured me that all the staff are fairly laid back about them and won't insist on anything unless absolutely necessary for the babies' medical needs.

Whilst we were talking the consultant was filling in our birth plan on his computer and he got us to read through it and check it afterwards, then he printed out a copy for my file and a copy for us to keep. Basically we have decided to try for a vaginal birth, so long as both boys remain in a good position for it, and to allow me to go into labour naturally unless i go beyond 40 weeks or there becomes a need to induce me. i will have Sir with me the whole time, but they will keep the number of medical staff in the room to a minimum, depending on what is needed and what stage i am at. The consultant wants me to phone him as soon as i have been having contractions for over 30mins which aren't helped by rest and food, then he will decide how soon i need to go into the hospital. i will have some monitoring of both twins, but they will try to give me breaks in between monitoring so i can move around, change positions, go for a walk, use my birthing ball, even get into the pool for a while if i want to. So long as both twins are doing well we have agreed that i will not be put on a drip or given any hormones to speed up labour, and i will not have an epidural or even have one put in place just incase (not unless it really looks like i will be needing a caesarean). i have agreed for the doctor to give me an injection either after William is born or after Finn is born to help the placentas be delivered quickly and minimise the amount of blood i lose, and the doctor will decide when is best to give it at the time.

i have asked for Sir to cut the cords, and for me to be able to hold my babies as soon as they are born and to have help breastfeeding them as soon as they are ready. They will do the necessary checks on them when they are born, but will leave off other things such as eyedrops for a few hours, to give me and Sir a chance to spend some time with them as soon as they arrive. Sir is going to stay overnight in the room with me for the first night, and we have asked to have both twins in with us, so long as there are no complications with either of them. Poppy will be looked after by her grandparents for 1 or 2 nights when the twins are born, then me and the twins will go home as soon as the doctors think we are all ready to.

The consultant said that he is really pleased with my pregnancy so far, and that despite William's condition he does not see any problems with the birth, but like he said you never know. So we are hopeful and optimistic but ready to trust the doctors to do their best for us should any complications arise. Now all i have to do is wait!

i've mentioned before that my ideal lifestyle is more like the traditional housewife/mother role from the past, and i think the closest model to the way i would like it to be is the one from the 1950s. Hence the pictures at the top of this blog, and the one in this post. i think that women in those days spent time on their appearance, to make themselves pleasing for their husbands, and though i wouldn't necessarily want to copy the hairstyles or fashion myself i like the way they tried to look sexy and alluring, but also kind of naive and innocent at the same time. It's like the 'whooops is the hoover lifting up my skirt?' picture, where the woman is sexual but almost by 'accident', not like the openly slutty fashions of today. i like to look pretty for my Sir but not slutty, and luckily my Sir does not require me to dress in an overly provocative way.

i watched a TV programme the other day about women (and men) who have chosen to live a 1950s lifestyle, because they do not like the modern world. These people (sometimes they are couples/married) have decorated and furnished their houses in an authentic 1950s way, some even have a 1950s car, and they dress and do their hair and make-up in the 1950s style. Many of the women do not work, they stay at home and do all the housework instead, and the chores in the house are allocated according to traditional gender roles (men do the car work, DIY, gardening, etc; women do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc). i think it is going a little over the top to decorate your home and to dress in the 1950s style, especially when i found out that it was mainly for show anyway and most of them had laptops and a microwave hidden away somewhere! But i do like the 1950s values, where the man was the breadwinner and the head of the house, and the woman was expected to keep the house running and provide for her man.

Sometimes i think it would have been easier for me if i'd been born in the 1920s so that i could have been a wife in the 1950s. Then people wouldn't have thought the dynamic between me and Sir at all different from the norm, although i guess i prolly wouldn't have even found out about BDSM because i'd have had no internet. But i reckon i could have fulfilled my need to serve just be living a traditional 1950s marriage, so that would have been fine. It's hard to know for sure, but sometimes i feel like i am out of sync with modern society and would be better off living in a different time or place where what is considered 'normal' more closely matches the way i have chosen to live my life and my marriage in particular.

Yesterday i went for another ultrasound scan to check on the positions and growth and general health of the twins. i am 34 weeks now and the consultant has booked me in for a scan every Monday from now until the babies are born. It's getting so close now and i'm mainly excited but also a little nervous and just hoping that it all goes smoothly and both the babies are fine.

So what did the scan show? The twins have changed positions, like i suspected from all the wiggling around in there, and they are no longer side by side, Finn on the left and William on the right, as they were for most of the pregnancy. William has now wriggled his way further inside me and is head down ready to come out first, like the baby on the right in the picture above (but i think he is facing the other way, can't remember). Finn is in my bump, also head down ready to come out after William, but he is facing towards William/my back, so his spine and bottom are pressing against my bump. i think this means that when Finn kicks he kicks William, but i know that William is protected in a bubble so i hope he won't mind too much.

William isn't fully 'engaged' yet, but they are hoping he will be soon, and there are no signs of me getting effaced or dilated yet. But from my scan the consultant reckons the babies will be ready to make an appearance in 2 or 3 weeks' time, which is very exciting. i hope people aren't getting bored with all this pregnancy stuff, but it will only be for a few more weeks, and then you get to hear all about my new twins :) Thanks for all the supportive comments and emails, and for those who are checking my blog to see when i go into labour - it's nice to know you care :)

Could you describe the anal training Sir had you undergo? I've been training My slave anally for the past few weeks, having her masturbate nightly with some fingers up there.

Lots of people have been asking about anal use and training, and even though i answered this topic a bit already (formspring.me #42), i'm going to talk about it a bit more and hopefully answer some more of the queries people have. i also got asked "How did your Sir prepare you for anal sex and enjoying anal play in general?". i'm going to answer both questions here:

Sir started off my anal preparation and training by touching me back there during other types of play, so that i was already turned on and learned to associate the feeling with pleasure. Then He would gently push His fingers inside me and built it up gradually from 1 to 3 fingers at a time. Also during this time He started kissing and licking me back there and that felt very pleasurable as well and got me to relax a lot more about having Sir around my bottom.

i think it was the same time as the things above that Sir started training me with buttplugs. He got a package of 3 in different sizes and started off by putting the small one inside me for a few seconds at a time, then gradually increasing it to a few minutes, then an hour and then more. Again at first Sir would play with me in other ways whilst i had the buttplug in, so that i associated the feeling of being full back there with pleasure. He also gave me orgasms with the buttplug in, and that felt really good. Then He worked up to using the medium buttplug on me, though He didn't use the big one until after He had used me sexually back there as the big buttplug is thicker than His cock is!

The next stage in my training was to have me wear a buttplug overnight. Sir always uses the small one when He requires me to do this and in the beginning i was allowed to take it out if i woke up and it was really uncomfortable, but in the end i got used to it and was able to keep it in all night. So long as i have plenty of lube up my bottom and on the plug beforehand it doesn't cause me any problems, though Sir would excuse me if i was sore back there or had a yeast infection in my pussy.

The biggest step in my training was to take Sir's cock up my ass, and this was the part i was most worried about, but because of all the prior training i felt ready for it and i was confident that i would be able to physically take it inside me. Though i was still worried that it would hurt. But Sir got me nice and excited and relaxed beforehand and He took it gradually and had me push back against His cock with my bottom and it just kind of slid in. Then He made sure to keep still and give me a chance to get used to the feeling of His cock inside me before He started any thrusting, and He is always gentle when He uses me that way. Because of all the training i now greatly enjoy anal use and sex and play, and i hope these tips help others come to enjoy it too.

Ask me anything

Yesterday was mine and Sir's first wedding anniversary! This year has gone by so fast, it only seems a couple of weeks ago that i was planning and preparing for the wedding and i can still picture it perfectly, it was a wonderful day. A lot has happened since then though, most importantly me getting pregnant again with twins this time! And Poppy has grown up a lot in that time too. i'm not going to write here what we gave each other as gifts, or how we celebrated our day, but i do want to take this opportunity to comment on what it's like to be in a married M/s relationship and how it's different to before we were married.

In some ways to people on the outside, it would seem that not much has changed since i got married to Sir, as we were already living together beforehand, we already had our little girl Poppy, and we had already well established the dynamic between us. But to me, on the inside of our relationship, i think that marriage has changed things and for the better. It's going to be hard to explain, but i'll do my best. One of the main ways in which marriage has changed things within our M/s relationship is that it's made it more 'legitimate' and understandable to the outside world, to society in general, to our vanilla friends and family, basically to anyone i might happen to meet. People know what marriage is, what it means and are able to label us in a certain way and fit us into a certain box when they find out we are married to each other. It saves us from having to explain our relationship so much, even though people are much more accepting of boyfriend/girlfriend living together and having a child together than they used to be. And also, in a way, it's made it easier to carry out our dynamic in front of other people (obviously still in subtle ways though) because they accept that this is the way some husbands and wives interact.

In my mind it has added another element to our dynamic as well, because i feel that by marrying Sir i have 'given' myself to Him again, i am His alone and have made a public declaration of that, i belong to Him and nobody else can have me, legally as well as in practice. And the fact that i wear His wedding ring as well as His collar shows vanilla as well as BDSM people that i am taken, off limits, and i hope it makes Sir proud that He is the one who has me. That prolly sounds a bit weird, but the next part will likely sound even stranger. Being married to Sir as well as collared to Him has altered my slave mindset, added another dimension to it, and i love thinking of myself as Sir's little wifey, doing the housework, keeping the house nice and clean for him, doing His laundry, ironing His shirts, cooking His dinners, baking nice things for Him, looking after our children, etc. i know that in reality not all of those things have been able to happen since i got pregnant again, but the idea is there and hopefully i will be able to return to doing lots of those things again once i am at home looking after the twins while Sir goes out to work. i guess that what i'm trying to say is that becoming Sir's wife has given me new ways in which to 'serve' Him and feel that those things are things i should be doing because of my new role. Of course i'm talking about a rather old-fashioned view of what a wife should do, and many people would be offended by my views, but i'm not saying that they should apply to everyone, just that i want to apply them to me.

Did that even make sense to anyone except me? my preggie brain has no clue of what is logical anymore.

We got a text message early this morning asking if Poppy would like to go to the zoo today with her friend Ella who was born about a week before she was. Victoria, Ella's mummy, knows that i am preggie again with twins and getting towards the final stages where everything is a struggle so she has been real good in having Poppy for us, and Poppy and Ella enjoy some time together too. So Sir got Poppy up and dressed and bright and early this morning she was picked up to go out to breakfast before her whole-day trip to the zoo! Wooohoooo!

By this point i wasn't even out of bed yet, though i had been awake for awhile, and when Sir came back up i could tell by the look in His eye that He had plans for me, which worried me a little as there's very limited things i can do with my 7 1/2 months preggie body. But i needn't have worried as Sir knows my limitations at the moment and just wanted to take advantage of the extra time alone to pamper me and make me feel special :) He got out the 'sensory play' bag and used lots of the lovely items in there to stimulate and awaken my body all over, especially the body brush which made me all tingly all over, and the tickling feather which got me very squirmy and a little bit noisy too! Then a wonderful rub down with oil and a chamois leather, focusing at the end on my bewbies which were so sensitive by then, and then all of a sudden Sir whispered in my ear "I want you to cum and cum and cum until you can't cum anymore, then I want you to cum again..." and the hitachi was suddenly buzzing between my legs and i was gone, cumming over and over in sweet waves that rocked my whole body and made Finn and William wriggle and kick with happiness until they were lulled to sleep by the rocking motion and i floated off on a cloud somewhere.

After there was lots of lovely snuggling and some nice hair-brushing which made me purr like a kitty, and then we finally got up and ready and started our day. We have had breakfast and are now planning to go into town to hit the shops for all their new baby clothes ranges, though Sir has made me promise not to get too many in newborn size, but some in bigger sizes too! i'm so excited to be buying more things for the twins and i feel absolutely wonderful now after the session this morning. Also i think the twins have moved even further down in the night as there seems to be no pressure on my pelvis at all anymore, so i am looking forward to the ultrasound this week to see where they are now and if they are getting ready to be born. Hopefully i'll still be on schedule for a vaginal birth, and if so the consultant is going to help me draw up my birth plan by going through all the different options with me and explaining their importance in twin births so i can make an informed decision. Sir will be there as well, and i know He has lots of good questions to ask so we will both feel prepared for the birth and i can be as relaxed as possible during these last few weeks before the chaos begins!

**Rereading this i realised it sounds weird to say that because the twins are moving downwards there's no pressure on my pelvis, but what i mean is there's no pain there anymore. Before William's head was pressing into the bones of my pelvis as he was being pushed down by Finn and it really hurt to walk around too much or lay in a certain way, but now his head seems to be moving into the correct position for him to 'be engaged' soon and it is a much better feeling as though i can feel him down there, there's no pain anymore**

Friday fill-in #8

On time this week, but a bit of a flitty brain so not sure how much sense my answers will make! Anyway, here it is for what it's worth:

1. I feel.... like i have more room inside me now that my babies are starting to make their way downwards!

2. i want to use the next few weeks before the babies are born.... to catch up.

3. Do.... the best you can in every situation.

4. Sometimes i feel like the way in which i look at the world is.... completely unique.

5. It's hard to know how much.... impact maintaining a blog like mine has on the people who read it, but i hope it has some positive effects for some people.

6. Often when you sort out one aspect of your life you find that everything else.... follows suit.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight i'm looking forward to.... watching the live Big Brother program, tomorrow my plans include.... shopping for clothes for the twins in all the cute new ranges which have just come out, and Sunday i want to.... have a really lovely 1 year wedding anniversary with Sir!

I am from Greece and i enjoy the Master and sub situation when it comes to sex but how can you deal with it in everyday life? How can you give someone else complete control over your life?

i think if you're asking that question then the M/s lifestyle isn't for you. i guess the simple answer is that everyone is different and what works and is desired/preferred by one person won't for another. For example, some people might ask the same about those women who choose to put their babies into childcare shortly after birth and return to work full-time, or those men who choose to stay at home and become a house-husband. Each to their own basically. If you enjoy D/s in the bedroom, great, but that makes you more of a bottom in my book.

In my case giving my Sir control over everything in my life was just the natural thing to do, it felt right then and it still feels right now. i am happier when someone else is making the decisions and setting the rules and boundaries and guidelines, but that's just me. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have the same desires, but i can assure you that i am very happy living like this and so is my Sir!

Ask me anything

A little while back kaya posted a question on her blog - whether rules and rituals are the lifeblood of a D/s relationship or whether they are more of a death sentence for it? http://underhishand.com/rules-and-rituals-lifeblood-or-death-sentence-for-ms
Basically whether they help to keep the dynamic flowing and working or whether they make the relationship seem stale and stilted. As i have quite a lot of rules and rituals which i must follow, and as these have evolved and changed over time according to our circumstances, i thought i would attempt to answer kaya's question here.

In the beginning when i was a very new and inexperienced sub, with my first ever Master, the rules and rituals were very important for me. The rules helped me to know exactly where i stood, exactly what was expected of me, and made me feel controlled and contained and managed to the degree that i had been looking for. Throughout the day, no matter what i was doing i knew that i was doing it in the way that Sir wanted me to, and it helped to remind me that i was his sub/slave everytime that i consciously followed His rules. So at the start the rules were important in establishing our D/s dynamic and making me feel like a sub all the time and indoctrinating me into the lifestyle and helping me feel this relationship was different to all the vanilla ones i had had before.

Then once i was pregnant with Poppy and after i gave birth to her, the rules had to change and become less overt in the way my submission was expressed. i think this is the time that the rituals started to become more important, because Sir made sure that there were established ways for me to act at prescribed times of the day, such as when i woke up, when meals were ready, when Sir left for work, when Sir got in from work, before getting into bed, etc. etc. And i also have the ritual about offering a BJ, like kaya described, but unlike her and her Master it has worked really well in our relationship and i love the feeling it gives me inside to offer to suck His cock, knowing it is something i am required to do because He has instructed me to without having to say at that particular moment "I want you to suck my cock now" - i guess it's just another way for the dynamic between us to be expressed. And yes there are times when He declines the offer, but it never seems to get stale or annoying.

To be honest i think i could function pretty well without the rules now because i know Sir's expectations and requirements and so automatically work within them. But that's not to say that the rules are a death sentence for our D/s relationship, far from it as i am happy for them to stay and so is Sir. i think maybe it depends on personality, as mine is very well suited to rules and lists and knowing exactly what i need to do whereas other people might find that stifling after a while. And i think it depends very much on the Master's personality as well, because some Doms might create a list of rules as it is seen as the 'done' thing in a D/s relationship, but if they're going to find it annoying to keep checking up on and enforcing the rules this will lead to resentment on their part and then when they start getting lax with punishments for broken rules it leads to frustration and disappointment on the part of the sub. Also i think it is important for the rules to be reviewed and altered as and when necessary due to life changes or as the sub develops, which i am fortunate in that Sir is very good at adapting them to my circumstances and needs.

So i guess like most things in BDSM, it's not one-size-fits-all. But for me and Sir, rules and rituals work well and help to enhance our dynamic. Any other opinions/ experiences anyone would like to share on this topic?

Something happened in the chatroom last night that made me really angry and upset at the same time. One of my sub friends on there made a comment about how some of the other subs on there are 'special' to her, and then 3 people (2 subs and a Dom) started making jokes about the 'special' comment, asking if that meant they rode the short bus, wore helmets, licked windows, etc. i know they meant it in a funny and light-hearted way but it made me feel really angry.

my William has been diagnosed with a disability before he is even born, and the specialist consultant told us that due to the numerous tubers in his brain he is likely to have significant developmental delay, severe learning disabilities and epilepsy starting before the age of 1. i know you can never be sure how these children will turn out, but the doctor we spoke to was a specialist in this condition so he knows what he is talking about - he even offered me a late termination for William though it would have put Finn in danger too. i think it's best to be prepared for the worst and then i might be surprised by how mildly affected William is, but i think it's fair to say that with numerous areas of damaged brain he is going to have learning disabilities and special needs of some kind. And he could well end up being one of those kiddies labelled 'special', riding to school on the 'short bus', wearing a helmet to protect his head should he have an epileptic seizure, and doing unusual things such as licking windows.

And it just upsets me to know that there are people out there who will laugh at him because of those things. Even if they don't point and laugh openly at him, they definitely will behind his back and they will think of children like William as a joke and something funny. i feel sorry for William and all the other children like him to know that these kinds of attitudes are still prevalent in our society today, and worry about how it will affect him to have to try to get on and live in this kind of world. Why can't people just admire special kiddies for what they have achieved and accept them for who they are, without seeing them as some kind of joke?

i know that not everyone thinks that way and there are many people in society who do accept special kiddies and don't laugh at them. But the whole thing still upset me.

Has Sir ever gingered you? I am scared of it, and my Sir has hinted that He will do this. Do you know if it's healthy? Is drinking piss okay from a medical view?

Hi, yes Sir has used ginger on me a few times. i think it's fine from a medical point of view because it can't do you any harm, you just need to make sure a bit of it doesn't snap off and get stuck inside you. i think that different people react with different intensities to being gingered, some find it burns unbearably, some only feel a little tingle, but i think most people are like me and find it tingles at first, then it gradually gets more and more intense until there comes a point when you're not sure you can stand it anymore, but then the desire starts to take over from the pain (ginger excites you as well) and the pain starts to fade and become more manageable again. After the ginger has been removed i can feel the tingling for quite a while after but it isn't an unpleasant feeling.

With the drinking urine question, i believe that some people and some cultures drink their own piss for cleansing/health benefits, so i think it's ok. i guess you just have to make sure the person who's piss it is doesn't have any infections or anything. i used to be very squeamish about even getting Sir's piss on me, then i got used to this but was adamant i would be sick if i got any into my mouth but one day i just felt ready and went for it and it was actually ok. Again this will be a very individual reaction for each person though and i expect some people couldn't cope with it at all.

Good luck and thanks for the questions!

Ask me anything

i haven't done one of these for agesssssss, and i know i'm still doing it a day late but i think that's OK! So here we go......

1. Layers of.... people's personality become more apparent when you live with them for a long time.

2. i think it's important to make all decisions with consideration and.... insight.

3. i'd be willing to bet.... more people out there could cope with bringing a special child into the world than they think.

4. i am scared of dogs so i wouldn't get near enough to find out what.... scares the dog.

5. i'm fond of.... snacking on cheese and pears and cherries and chocolate and many many other things while i'm preggie.

6. i think about bewbies and tufties and happy trails far.... too much!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight i'm looking forward to.... going round Sir's mum's for dinner, tomorrow my plans include.... getting rid of some of this pelvic hurty with the help of the magic massage lady, and Sunday i want to.... spend time eating and sleeping and keeping cool!

i realised that i haven't written a preggie post on here for a while, so this is going to be an update post for all those interested. And all those who aren't interested can just skip this post and wait for one more to their liking.

i am now nearly 32 weeks pregnant with my twins - Wednesday is the official day when i pass that important marker, and i am very pleased i've made it this far without any problems because my consultant said that twins born after the 32 week mark tend to do very well and don't need to be given steroids etc for their lung development. The next milestone to aim for is 18th August, which is 37 weeks, considered full-term for twins, and i'm going to do my best to keep them inside me until at least then as i know they will have a much better start in life if they can stay in till then. My consultant said that everything is looking good and he is expecting the twins to be born between 37 and 40 weeks (which is 8th Sept). i think it would be really nice if they could be born on flame's birthday which is 18th August or mine and Sir's collaring anniversary which is 2nd Sept.

i have another scan this week, but so far all the ultrasounds have shown that both twins are growing well and apart from William's heart and brain conditions no other problems have been found with either of them. William is actually a bit bigger than Finn and he is lower down on the right, while Finn is higher up on the left. Finn tends to do more kicking while William tends to do more wriggling and squirming in general. William is pressing his head against my pelvis, whereas Finn has bouts where he jams his feet up under my ribs, so i think both of them are head-down now, but the ultrasound this week will confirm or deny that. Both boys are nice and active and they both respond to mine and Sir's and Poppy's voices, and they seem to like classical music and belly massages because they do little wriggling movements during these and then quieten down for a while after as if they have been soothed by the experience. i am hoping to continue using music and massage with them after they are born.

Poppy is fed up with waiting for her brothers to be born now, she keeps coming up to my belly and tapping it, saying "Willum? Willum! Outie comes Willum......... Hello Finn. Outie comes Finn!". And when the doorbell rings she will say "Is Finn and Willum?". She will also go up to Sir and point to my tummy and tell Him "Willum wants out, Finn wants out" as if expecting Him to help them come out of there straight away! i am hoping that she will be a really good big sister to both of them once they arrive, and that she will help William in particular like she said she would, but if not i will understand because she is still very little herself. my hospital bag is packed and ready, the twins' nursery is all decorated and prepared for them, we have made arrangements for Poppy to sleep round her Nanny and Grampy's house for at least one night when the twins are born, Sir is going to take a week or two of paternity leave, everything is in place basically so i just need to get through the next few weeks and wait for my boys to make their arrival into the world when they are ready. i am feeling mainly excited about their birth now and i can't wait to meet them but i am nervous about whether or not i will be able/allowed to go through with a natural birth for both of them or whether there will be complications, and i am worried about William and hope he will be OK.

Physically i am not doing too bad, but i can't believe the size of my belly and i really don't see how it can possibly grow any more now. i look like a beached whale or something, but at least i only have some very small stretch marks down the sides at the moment so i feel like i have gotten off lightly on that score. my feet are a mess, all swollen with peeling areas and cracked areas and hard areas on the bottom, and i have a hurty pelvis as i mentioned before but it isn't too bad yet and i am receiving physio for it which helps. It is just very hard to sleep now so i tend to nap in 1-2 hour bursts throughout the day and night, and the heat isn't helping at all with that. i am constantly grazing throughout the day too as it is hard for me to have the room in my tummy to eat big meals, but Sir is still in control of my food intake and He makes sure i have everything i should have everyday so i know that my babies are well-nourished. Oh and another thing that has happened recently, which is a bit embarrassing - my umm secretions down there have become more slimy and jellified, almost like a snail-trail, which i don't like but the doctor says it's perfectly OK and nothing to worry about.

So that's me and the twins right now. Hopefully everything will continue to go OK and in a few weeks' time i will be announcing the safe arrival of my two beautiful little boys. In the meantime please continue to bear with my mood swings and grumps and tiredness and fuzzled brain. And thanks for all the support.

Just curious, how did the rule about not sitting on the toilet seat begin? Does Poppy ever wonder why you sit on the base? Or does she never see you in the restroom?

This rule was there from the very beginning, in Sir's first ever draft of my rules which i was given a little while before i first moved in with Him and was collared by Him. It was something that Sir wanted me to do as His sub, not something that arose later as a result of something i did (only a few of my rules are like that). i think the reasoning behind it is to remind me of my place in the dynamic and household, make me realise that i am privileged to be allowed to use the furniture in the house including the toilet, but that because of my slave status i should not get too comfortable with using all the normal fixtures and fittings so sitting on the toilet without the seat helps me to remember those things.

With regards to Poppy, she never really sees me sitting on the toilet because Sir and i use the bathroom joined onto our bedroom, whereas Poppy uses the main bathroom off of the landing. When she was a little baby i sometimes took her into the bathroom while i used the toilet, but she would have been too young to notice or remember that i didn't use the toilet seat itself. Now she's at an age where i don't need to take her with me when i use the toilet, but to be honest i don't think it's something she would ask about even if i did. As she gets older there may be times she sees me using the toilet without the seat, but if she asks i'll just tell her it's the way i want to do it and i don't see her having any problems with it. It's such a small thing really, and within any family people will have their own quirky ways of doing things which those around them tend to just accept.

Thanks for your question :)

Ask me anything

A little while ago i read swan's post on 'Whos' who and what's what', trying to redefine the labels we identify ourselves and each other with under the BDSM umbrella. Before reading this post i had thought that some of the labels were mutually exclusive, like it wouldn't be possible to be a masochistic Dominant Top or a sadistic submissive bottom, but this chart taken from Linguaesso's blog seems to contradict that idea: http://linguasesso.wordpress.com/2010/03/25/top-bottom-etc/

i think this picture shows why there are so many different varieties of people and lifestyles within the kinky community. i would identify as a masochistic submissive bottom and would label Sir as a sadistic Dominant Top, and obviously those labels are complete opposites which is why Sir and i work so well together in our relationship and complement each other so well. But i think it would be more difficult for it to work if one or more of the 3 elements was no opposite/complementary to the comparable element in the partner you are with. This makesit very difficult to find your ideal BDSM partner, especially if you are looking for someone to stay with permanently, love, marry, live with, etc. It makes me feel very lucky that i was fortunate enough to find my Sir and that we just happen to fit together so well in a BDSM sense as well as in the more vanilla senses of our relationship - husband/wife etc.

The thing that confuses me the most about the picture above is what would a masochistic Dominant bottom look like, or a masochistic Dominant Top come to that? How would a sadistic submissive bottom be able to fulfill their needs and could a sadistic submissive Top exist? i can't get my head around some of the other labels either - such as sadistic Dominant bottom or masochistic submissive Top. Does anybody out there identify as any of these or know someone who does? How would it work in reality? Please help me understand it!

My Master wants to train me anally, but I am afraid regular anal interaction might cause me to get health issues (hemorrhoids?). Do you and Sir use an enema and lube each time he uses you in this way, or other precautions?

Sorry it's taken so long to get round to some of these questions but i'll do my best to answer some more of them this week!

Anal use was one of the first things Sir trained me in when we started meeting in real-life, along with deep-throating, pain tolerance and orgasm control. i can remember feeling very scared and apprehensive about it at first and i was sure it was going to hurt and be very icky, but Sir took the training very slowly and made sure i was fully ready before He used me there for the first time, and it was much better than i thought it would be and now it's one of my favourite ways to be used (though not when i am preggie). i can only talk from my own experiences and i'm not really sure whether other people would find it more difficult than i did, so please be careful and take my advice with a pinch of salt.

In the beginning Sir started with buttplugs with me, starting with a small one which i was only required to keep in for 10 minutes at a time and working up to the big one for about 1 hour at a time. Also it was put into my rules that i am required to have a buttplug in all night every night, except for when i am preggie. i thought it would make me sore to do that, but it really doesn't - Sir puts lube in me and on the buttplug beforehand and after a few minutes i forget it is in me and can sleep comfortably all night. i don't like the feeling when it is pulled out in the morning, but it doesn't hurt. And my bottom hole isn't huge and gaping like i worried it would become, it is still a tight little pucker though i think it is easier for Sir to use me back there when i have been having the buttplug in every night than when i haven't.

When Sir uses my bottom He puts lube in me and on His cock and He gets me to press back against Him as He is pushing in and normally i can take Him all the way in without any problems so long as He takes it fairly slow on the first thrust. i have never had any problems like splitting or tearing back there, never any health issues like haemorrhoids, and though it is sometimes a bit sore after i have been used anally i have never experienced really bad pain either during or after use. i think that could be different if a Master wanted to use His slave very hard and forcefully back there, but my Sir chooses not to so i have been very lucky. Sometimes Sir will ask me to have an enema before using me there or He will give me an enema Himself, but normally i just do my best to keep myself clean back there and though there is sometimes a tiny bit of mess normally there is nothing at all. Again i reckon that could be diferent for different people.

i hope that has helped you a bit, but try googling anal sex if you need more info!

Ask me anything

This is how i feel at the moment, like my brain is constantly flitting around and it's hard to keep it settled on anything for any decent length of time. i'll be in the middle of a conversation and suddenly a completely random thought on a different subject will pop into my head and i'll just have to say it and the whole chat gets side-tracked, but because this happens every few minutes it means that all of my chats with people never really get anything discussed properly and when i think back on them later it's so hard to remember what we actually said. Except for chats with Sir where He will keep me focused on the subject matter and not let me get sidetracked, which is really important else we would never be able to discuss anything with regards to our D/s or relationship or Poppy or the twins or discuss any problems properly. So i am glad about Sir's ability to keep me on track in this way.

Also my emotions are constantly up and down and it's so hard to know how i will be feeling from one moment to the next. i know that's true for anyone, but it's just super-exaggerated with all my preggie hormones floating around, and even though i know that most of my highs and lows are due to these it doesn't stop me getting very down or very grumpy or very fed-up or very restless. i have just been through quite a long phase of grumpiness, and now i seem to be going through a happy phase which is such a relief (prolly a big relief for Sir and everyone on #P&H too!) And it also seems to have coincided with a 'busy' brain phase which means i am doing a lot of thinking and need to find ways to keep me busy without over-heating. So today i am sitting in the shade in the garden with my laptop, planning to watch some things on the internet and write some blogposts which have popped into my brain yesterday and today.

Soooooooooo you lot have to put up with reading through my confused ramblings! Sorry about that ;)