a submissive's musings: formspring.me #64

January 16, 2011

formspring.me #64

i'm taking the time to answer a few BDSM-related questions from my formspring account. Some questions have already been answered, so i've just deleted them and the people who asked them will have to look back at the past answers to find what they're looking for.

Have you ever felt that you needed to be punished or disciplined and Sir didn't feel it necessary?

i think this probably happened a few times back in the beginning of our relationship, when i tended to be really hard on myself and felt that every little slip-up or mistake needed a punishment. Sir would point out to me that i hadn't meant to make those mistakes, that they were only small little things (like forgetting to get more milk at the shop that day) and that they weren't rule breaks so didn't need a punishment, just a mental note to try hard not to make the same mistake again. He had to remind me that when i became a slave i didn't stop being human, so mistakes were bound to happen. He also explained that having a slave is a bit like having a child, and that if a parent was to harshly punish their child for every little mistake that child would soon become afraid to try anything for fear of getting it wrong, but for deliberate actions to defy the known rules and boundaries punishments were important to prevent that type of behaviour happening again. And then i understood.

When you first developed into the M/s relationship how did you feel, and was it a mutual feeling or more of a desire within you to serve Sir as he fulfilled your needs on a daily basis?
i'm not really sure what this question is asking, but by the time i became Sir's collared slave i had already spent a lot of time with Him and had completely fallen in love with Him. i knew this was someone i could trust completely, would love forever and could see myself being with for a very long time. So my feelings at that point went way beyond just serving Him to get my needs met. Had we gone straight into a real-life D/s relationship from the beginning, rather than Him mentoring me first and building up to is gradually, then i probably would have started off just serving Him because He was helping me satisfy a need within me. But to be honest i don't think that would have worked out too well because i was too nervous and naive to know what i needed and wanted from any D/s relationship at that point and also i wouldn't have made a very good sub because i didn't have the first clue what was involved. Therefore the way that we did it, stepping up our relationship slowly, was perfect for me.

Have you ever felt that Sir was too busy for you but you needed His presence, if only for a little while? If so what do you do then?
Normally Sir has time for me, especially if it's clear there's a problem or i have something on my mind. In those circumstances i am allowed to request a 'free talk time' and so far Sir has always granted those requests because He knows i don't abuse the privilege. There are times during the day when Sir needs some time to Himself and it is not a good idea to disturb Him - when He is reading the paper after dinner, or when He is working in His study for example. And interrupting those times just because i feel a bit lonely or needy is not going to get a good response. But what i can do is sit or kneel next to Him whilst He is busy with other things, and lean my head against His leg, and just sitting there in His presence is normally enough to soothe me and give me the comfort i am craving. And often Sir will reach down and pet my hair or something similar, which further adds to my relaxation and contentment. i feel like a little kitty during those times. To be honest, the only time i avoid disturbing Sir at all is when He is cross about something and goes off to be by Himself. i have learnt that the best thing to do during those times is to leave well alone and wait for Him to come to me, otherwise it will only make things worse (and i am talking about when He is cross in general, not just when He is cross with me). But those times are very rare, and Sir usually has time for me if i go to Him.