March 27, 2011
As some of you may recall, Sir decided to restart my training again in order to fulfill my slave needs and keep me feeling more in balance. Which i have tried hard not to feel guilty about, and am gradually winning on that front. The training sessions happen when Poppy is out of the house on a Sunday morning (ballet and then at Nanny and Grampy's house), but due to the necessity of having someone watching the twins Sir has arranged for His friend Sir Mark to lead these training sessions with me.
So for the past few weeks i have been waving Poppy off to ballet class, feeding the twins and laying them down for a nap, and then stripping off and putting on the clitty clip to await Sir Mark's arrival. i feel a mixture of dread and excitement when waiting for these sessions because humiliation is not something i find easy, especially when it's not even Sir carrying it out! But afterwards i feel a great sense of relief and achievement and there's a definite feeling of a need being met in me, an ache being soothed, so that i can get through the week more easily until the next session. Sir says He has seen an improvement in my mood and general outlook since the training resumed, which is good news, so we're going to try to keep the Sunday morning slot for the foreseeable future, dependent of course on the changing needs of the twins as they grow.
After today's session Sir Mark instructed me to post about it on here, in order to advance my training even more. To be honest i really don't want to do this, but it's something i have to do so here's my description of what happened in the training and how it made me feel:
Sir Mark brought along a male subbie He is currently training, and i felt very embarrassed and a little tearful about this, but had no real choice other than to go along with it. i decided to try to ignore the boy as much as possible and just concentrate on getting through whatever the session would entail. Sir Mark inspected me then took us both out to the barn where i saw that some straw had been put down in one area. i was told to kneel on all fours on the straw and then told that i was to become a 'human cow'. i hate most types of animal roleplay, especially ones which are humiliating such as being a pig or a cow, so my heart sank when i heard this but i did as i was told. The straw was quite prickly under my knees/legs/hands and longer bits of it kept tickling me as i moved. Then Sir Mark removed the clitty clip and showed me a 'tail' He was going to put into me - basically it was a buttplug with a piece of rope attached to look like a cow's tail. He told jason (the subbie boy) to take off his coat and then stand and watch. Under the coat he had on a contraption round his cock which i have later found out is called 'the gates of hell', but i didn't have much time to study it because then both of them were behind me and i was getting lubed for the insertion of the buttplug.
While the buttplug was being inserted i was taking several deep breaths, trying to get myself into a calm and compliant state of mind. It didn't really work then, but next Sir Mark came round and fitted me with a head harness (complete with bit gag) and i felt myself slip down into a meek and quiet place ready for what was to come. As i guessed, the breast pumps came out next and were fitted to my tits and then turned on. Sir Mark had obviously read up on how to use them because when the automatic programme started (which i have tailored to my comfort levels) he pressed the override button and increased the suction quite a lot so it was very intense. Then He and jason stood back to watch as my milk was sucked out. i kept my head down for most of it and concentrated on breathing deep, and kept reminding myself that every uncomfortable suck from the machine was one suck closer to the end. But still it seemed to take forever to fill the two pots attached.
The pumps and the tail and the harness were removed, and i thought it would all be over then, but suddenly Sir Mark was getting something out of the mini-fridge we keep in the barn, which turned out to be nipple cream (super cold!) which He rubbed into my nipples and aureole. And then the most embarrassing part of the whole thing - He had jason check to see how wet i was. i don't know why i found that the most humiliating part, considering i had just been kneeling there naked with a 'tail' buttplug and breast pumps on, but for some reason that part makes me cringe the most inside whenever i think about it. i suppose it's because it was a subbie boy touching me down there and finding i was wet and showing it to His Dom. i don't know why really but that part was really really humiliating.
Then it was all done and jason was sent to wait in the car, whilst Sir Mark took me back into the house and told Sir i had done well, and gave me instructions about writing this post. Then He was gone too and i spent some time wrapped in my blankie telling Sir about it before it was time for lunch and the twins woke up and we resumed our normal family Sunday routine. i don't know whether i want to hear people's comments on this or not really, but i guess i do, so please can you add your views on the session, what things you find humiliating and how you deal with them? Thanks.