D/s as a belief system?

April 02, 2011

D/s as a belief system?

In a recent comment on this blog someone spoke about how their submission isn't just a set of behaviours designed to invoke a certain response from their Dom, but rather it is a 'belief system'. In a way it makes a lot of sense to me that D/s should be a belief system, because i have always felt it to be more than just a 'lifestyle choice.' To me a lifestyle choice implies it is more of a role i have chosen to adopt, and also makes it seem like something of a 'fad' i am currently going through, a phase which i will work my way out of and change to something else - a bit like when teenagers decide they are going to be 'goths' or 'emos' or whatever else is currently trendy. They go all out for a while to represent themselves as that particular role, with their clothing, hair, make-up, outward appearance, the places they go, the things they say, the bands they're into, the activities they do in their free time, the way they relate to others, etc. But such phases are generally short-lived and are part of an 'act' or persona to demonstrate to the world aspects of how that person is feeling at that particular stage in their lives. Looking back on it later i'm sure most of those people will laugh at their 'funny goth phase' and certainly not feel that it represents them any longer. But i see D/s as something much deeper than this type of 'lifestyle choice', something more than a role, longer-lasting than a teenage phase, more intrinsically entwined with who and what i am, so that though i have actively chosen this life it's as if i didn't really have a choice, it's what i needed to be. Could it be then that D/s is part of my belief system?

Wikipedia says that a belief system refers to one or more of these 5 things: a life stance, a religion, a world view, a philosophy, an ideology. We can scrap the 'religion' one straight away because i don't see that D/s is anything to do with religion (others may disagree, but i'm talking about my personal views here). The 'world view' statement also doesn't sit easy with me because my D/s is a very personal thing which i see as being relevant only to me and Sir; i certainly don't believe that everyone should engage in such relationships, that they are 'right' for people in general or that others hold the same submissive or Dominant characteristics as we do (obviously some people do, but definitely not 'the world' as a whole). But the other three statements from Wikipedia could hold true for my understanding of D/s, so i'll explore each of them in turn:

- D/s as a life stance: 'A person's life stance is their relation with what they accept as being of ultimate importance, the presuppositions and theory of this, and the commitments and practice of working it out in living.' i'm not sure that i would see D/s as being of 'ultimate importance', although at this moment in my life it is an important part of who i am and the relationship i am in. Reading through the Wikipedia article on this is also becomes clear that 'life stance' usually refers to a religion or its alternative (such as humanism, atheism, etc.), and again i wouldn't categorise D/s in the same bracket as these. But i guess D/s could be seen as my personal life stance, as me weighing up what is important for me to have in my life, accepting the theories behind BDSM and the fact that it isn't 'wrong' to be submissive/Dominant/ masochistic/sadistic, etc. and actively seeking out and shaping a life which incorporates these elements. i'm not entirely sure that 'life stance' fully explains my involvement with D/s though, so let's move on.

- D/s as a philosophy: this is the one which i was most hopeful about, thinking that i could define D/s as my personal philosophy. But having read the Wikipedia article it seems that philosophy is necessarily linked to how i think the world is or should be, or how i think people are or should be. And that's not how i see D/s at all. i'm not one of these Goreans who claim that all women should be slaves and are by their very nature lower and lesser than men. i don't feel that everyone has an inner sub or Dom waiting to be discovered. i don't believe that everyone could be happy in a D/s relationship. i see D/s as one version of relating to another in a structured relationship that only works for certain types of people, and i believe those people to be in the minority in society and in the world. So i can't claim that my views on D/s are a philosophy because they don't extend to my views on other people or relationships or society in general. So we move on to the last statement.

- D/s as an ideology: 'An ideology is a set of ideas that constitutes one's goals, expectations, and actions', this part holds true because the way i think about my D/s relationship very much encompasses my goals, what i want to achieve, my expectations both of myself and our dynamic, and my actions and daily life. my identity very much affects all aspects of my life and is an intrinsic part of me. However the article goes on to say that the purpose of an ideology is to change society or to bring about adherence to a set of ideals, neither of which i feel is relevant to the way i view my involvement in D/s. i do not want society in general to be involved in D/s nor do i want others in the lifestyle to conform to my way of doing things. The whole point about BDSM is that it is so wide and varied and people are free to adopt whatever elements of it they wish to without having to conform to a narrow set of rules and regulations. Though i would want BDSM to be accepted and tolerated by society as a whole, that's not the same thing as presenting it as an ideology to be adopted by people in general, so i don't see that this final statement fits the way i view D/s either.

In conclusion i don't think i can honestly say that D/s is a belief system for me, yet i still feel that it goes further and deeper than a mere 'lifestyle choice'. i guess in the end i'm getting tangled up in language and it doesn't really matter how i refer to it, so long as i'm living it and experiencing it and continuing to thrive with it. But it would have been nice to have found a better way to state what D/s means to me, that's all.