formspring.me #79

August 22, 2011

formspring.me #79

Why is humiliation such an important step in a submissive woman's growth?  How would that build as much loyalty toward my husband/leader/HOH as tenderness, affection, and open conversation?  This is the question that my wife asked me.

i'm not sure i'm the best person to answer this because i have only just completed my introductory humiliation training, so don't really have enough experience of it yet to know how it benefits me, let alone feel able to speak on behalf of submissive women as a whole. What i will say is that i don't think humiliation works for all subs/slaves and i think it works in different ways for different people.

Mainly i think that humiliation can be an important part of some submissives' training and growth because it strips them down like nothing else really can. When you allow yourself to become that vulnerable and you are taken to a place where you feel that small and worthless you are the pure uncomplicated version of yourself with no pretense or acting or any of that outward persona that most of us try so hard to maintain the whole time. And once you have been taken to that state, both you and your Dom can discover things about you that neither of you knew before.

Also by allowing yourself to be treated in that way requires a great amount of trust on the part of the sub, so that in itself can help her to grow and develop. i think one of the most important lessons i have learnt from my humiliation training so far is that i don't have to look all sexy and alluring all the time in order to be a worthwhile sub and that i can allow myself to be intensely vulnerable in front of other trusted Doms than my Sir and still come out of the experience as myself and not permanently broken.

i'm not sure if any of that will have made sense to anyone except me as i suspect that humiliation is one of those intensely personal things which affects people in different ways. But i know it has been useful for me as a slave to experience it and it has helped me to grow and develop, even though it has been very difficult and unpleasant at times.

Thank you for your question and please check back soon for a post on which things i find humiliating, which i am in the process of writing!

Ask me anything (250 characters)

**P.S. i realised that i got carried away and kind of forgot to answer the second part of the question, namely: how can humiliation build as much loyalty to a HOH as tenderness, affection and open conversation? Again i think everyone is different and for some people humiliation will have a negative effect and actually be detrimental to the trust and loyalty of the sub. But in cases where it doess work i think it is because it takes the relationship to new levels of trust and openness, it shows parts of the sub that nobody has ever seen before, it teaches her that she can allow herself to be that vulnerable in front of someone else and yet still be beautiful to Him. To me, tenderness, affection and open conversation have their place in a D/s relationship but they are very much vanilla concepts, humiliation is a unique part of a D/s dynamic and this is why it can be so beneficial to a receptive sub's growth and to the bond between her and her Dom.