October 30, 2011
The Tabak thing
So the British newspapers have been full of the Vincent Tabak story this week - the man who murdered Joanna Yeates in her own flat last Christmas. He has been sentenced to 20 years in jail, which in my opinion isn't long enough for taking someone's life..... but the thing which has upset me most about this whole thing is the way that Tabak's liking for BDSM porn sites has been depicted in the media.
The evidence wasn't allowed to be used during the trial so it didn't affect the verdict of the jury, but afterwards the papers have been full of the fact that Tabak used to visit websites such as 'Sex and Submission' and watch videos, some of which included women having men's hands round their throat during sex. These websites and videos have been described as 'sick', 'depraved', 'perverted', etc. and consequently so has Tabak with the media making much of the fact that this is how he killed his victim. The assumption seems to be that people who view these kinds of BDSM videos are sick in the head and in danger of 'acting out' their 'twisted perversions' by harming or killing an innocent stranger.
Now you and i both know that's far from the truth, but i can't help thinking that this whole case has hardly helped paint the lifestyle in a positive light or done anything to dispel people's prejudices against D/s relationships. If anything it has confirmed their views that people who engage in BDSM practices, or even 'fantasise' about them as in Tabak's case, are not right mentally, are socially inadequate and are a danger to those around them. i (obviously) disagree with this, much the same way i don't see that everyone who plays video games necessarily goes on to re-enact them in real life by going on a shooting spree (though a rare few do).
*Sigh*, i guess i just wish that for once D/s relationships and BDSM in general (even the porn sites) could be depicted in a more positive light in the British media. But i guess we're still quite some way off from that day.
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8 comments:
I'd have to agree. The British mentality is going to take years to 'fix'. Take heart in the fact that these very same people that write, produce and edit for the British media and quite likely gagging to get home for a sound spanking or the like!
2:10 PMWhether you like it or not, this is not an isolated incident.
12:23 AMJust google: John Edward Robinson There are more cases. Fred West had lots of violent porn at home.
Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Wade Myers has shown in his research that many sex offenders have an interest in BDSM (and he's not the only academic to think so). Note that this is academic research, not some self-appointed "sex educator"'s opinion.
Some interesting things to read:
the articles series "BDSM (the sexual equivalent of being into Renaissance faires" on
http://rageagainstthemanchine.com
http://rageagainstthemanchine.com/2009/02/07/please-somebody-come-and-defend-kinkcom/
I truly pity the brainwashed women who were tricked and lured into thinking their "journey into BDSM" is considered normal. I guess that's true if you think that a guy who gets a kick out of degrading, humiliating, manipulating, hurting women has a healthy state of mind.
Would you want your daughter to date a guy who enjoys hitting and manipulating her? Would your master still love you and would he still want a relationship with you if you decided to completely renounce BDSM, or does he merely regard you as the woman he skillfully lured into satisfying his sexual needs?
I won't comment on the above commenter's total objection to BDSM, but I will comment on the link between BDSM and murder:
12:29 PMIt's statistically irrelevant. There are such a tiny number of murderers to the massive amount of people engaged in BDSM that there can be no clear link between the two. In fact, I'd wager a guess that more serial killers engaged in vanilla sex than BDSM activities. That's because more people have vanilla sex rather than any causal link! Correlation does not equal causation.
This is a similar sort of story that came out with the high school massacres. A lot of the media blamed video games or death metal music. The same principle applies. Murderers are very, very rare. Lots and lots of people play videogames. The percentage would be way way under 1% of all those who played videogames to commit murder.
This is hardly something to worry about in society at large.
The comments made by J are certainly interesting but I am not 100% sure if they are pro or against, perhaps someone can enlighten me (I will certainly go and have a read of the links referred to).
4:54 PMI would say, as a true switch, there is prejudice towareds BDSM and that those of us that, WITH CONSENT, engage in it have to be discrete due to that prejudice.
I will emphiase the words "WITH CONSENT" again.
The recent media coverage of Tabak clearly shows that this man was in no way going to gain any form of consent to his actions from the person(s) that he attacked.
The more negative coverage that BDSM gets the more underground and less transparent it becomes thereby not allowing those of us that practice its delights, WITH CONSENT, the freedom from negative perception to speak or explain clearly the positives without the resultant prejudice.
What a shame that this has to be the case............
I just wish that we could be open and honest and have people listen with an open mind and heart to those of us that are safe, sane, consenual and enjoy the BDSM lifestyle to whatever level they feel happy to in an informed, safe and educated manner.
Mia x
Media in general like to jump to the most sensational of conclusions and often look for blame rather than truth. The truth is that there are crazy people out there. Their hobbies and viewing interests are not what make them crazy. They are just crazy, but it is interesting that we never here the details if their background/hobbies aren't sensational.
2:22 PMIn reply to J:
10:18 AMas many people on here have pointed out, saying that some serial killers have an interest in BDSM does not prove a causal link between the two. That's like saying that most underage mothers drink a lot of fizzy drinks therefore drinking fizzy drinks causes someone to have sex earlier and be less cautious with contraception.
i am definitely not 'brainwashed' and haven't been tricked or lured into this lifestyle. i came to BDSM by myself, i was interested in it, i researched it online, i posted a request for a Mentor, etc. And i do think that my Sir and the other Dom/mes i have met have a healthy state of mind. Sir would still love me and want to be with me if the BDSM elements of our relationship disappated (infact many of them have due to our family life now). As for Poppy (or any future daughters i might have) i would want them to date someone who makes them happy and fulfills their needs, whether that is a man or woman, Dom/me or sub or vanilla.
And thank-you to all the other people who added their opinions here :)
libby
xxxxx
i also find it interesting that most of the people who leave comments here against BDSM aren't brave enough to have a public profile on Blogger. And... what is someone who 'pities us brainwashed' women doing spending so much time reading submissive blogs in the first place?
10:24 AM*grin*
12:26 AMSo true, libby!
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