October 22, 2011
What's 'wrong'?
OK, so i know i haven't posted here for a while (anyone ever tried looking after a whirlwind of a 14 month old boy, another 14 month old with disabilities, a very bright 3 year old and a household and a very special Sir as well as finding time to blog?) and i'm apologising in advance that this post isn't going to be an interesting BDSM one but a bit of a rant instead. But i'll try to do some BDSM posts later this weekend.
What this post is about is all those people who come over to us when we're out (me and the boys), i guess because they are fascinated by twins, chat and interact with Finn, try to do the same with William and then turn to me and ask "What's wrong with him?".
There is nothing 'wrong' with William. He is perfect just as he is. To ask what is 'wrong' is to imply that he's 'damaged goods' in some way in contrast to his 'perfect' twin Finn. Yes, William has a disability and i guess what those people are really asking is "What is his condition/specific disability?" but to phrase it as "What's wrong?" seems very clumsy and insensitive to me. So my answer has become "Nothing's wrong with him. What's wrong with you?" which may not be the best way to deal with it, but when i'm tired and stressed it does make me feel a bit better.
Thanks for listening, rant over.
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6 comments:
I still think you should get a T shirt made with your response on it. Seriously.
10:33 PM*hugs*
i agree that it is a very insensitive way to state their curiosity, and i probably would react much the same. The courageousness with which you face the world and care for your children is a beautiful thing. Thank you and your Sir for sharing tidbits with us...
2:48 AMI've spent the summer reading your blog from the beginning and I have to say I found it very inspiring. One of my young nephews has a learning disability and is rather big for his age. I can not tell you how many times I have had to put a rude parent in their place at the playground for their comments. He is a very sweet child but has over the years shown more and more signs of aggression over not being understood and rejected by those around him.
6:30 AMYou do your child a great service I think by showing, even at this young age, that you are his champion. Maybe those rude people with their comments, however innocent, will think twice before speaking the next time they encounter a child like William.
I enjoy reading about your family along with all the BDSM. It has given me a great deal to think about as far as the balance of family and sexuality go in my own life.
Thank you for your writing!
Kizzy
thank you all so much for your support :) And Mistress160: i may well get that T-shirt made Ma'am!
9:02 AMlibby
xxxxx
I am sure it is quite difficult to respond kindly when people say things like "what's wrong with him?" to you, but if you were to do so, you might find that you have a good opportunity to educate people a bit better so that they don't make the same mistake later.
12:24 AMIf you respond rudely, they walk away thinking about how you were unkind to them - not exactly a space in which people learn positive things.
oh, don't get me wrong, i spend lots of my time when we're out explaining to people about William's condition (often when he's in the middle of having a seizure or a meltdown due to his sensory sensitivities). But for some reason the "what's wrong?" question really grates on me and i find it difficult to respond with patience and kindness in that situation. See, i'm really not the 'supermum' some people say i am!
7:55 AMPost a Comment