November 20, 2011
A bit of a failure
Those of you who keep up with these things will know that i've had 'cumming on demand' in my current training list for a while now. It's something that Sir started teaching me a long time ago and has continued to work on gradually, hoping to eventually attain the state where He can make me cum at any time just by telling me to.
When He first explained the training and expected outcome to me, i was sceptical, wondering if it was possible for anyone to get to the point where they could be made to orgasm just because their Master commanded it. After all, us women are fussy little creatures and some of us can find it hard to cum anyway, needing just the right stimulation in just the right spot for just the right amount of time in order to achieve it. i'm not as bad as that and normally i can cum pretty easily, but i do require some form of stimulation down there to make it happen.
Having said all that, there had been some progress in this training - i was able to cum on demand a few minutes after stimulation had ceased, and i was also able to cum on demand when i was feeling 'not quite there yet'. Sir has worked on both these areas and i am now much more consistent with them, and also He has gradually got me to the point where the amount of stimulation i need before He gives the command is quite a bit less than it used to be.
But.... it seems that is as far as i can go with this training. Sir has tried for months and months now to push it a little further each time, to get me slowly towards the point where i can cum from no stimulation at all. And whilst the mind is willing, it seems the body is not. There's a level of stimulation which i can't get beyond, where if He gives me less than that my body just won't obey the command to cum. So Sir has now declared this particular training 'finished' even though i have not 'passed' it. He hasn't used the word 'failed' because He says He is pleased with my efforts and there has been some success in the outcome, but i know He was hoping for more and it does make me feel like i have let Him down and failed Him to some extent.
Some people reading here are probably thinking that it was an impossible task and nobody can actually achieve true cumming on demand. But i have talked to other subs online who can do it (and they can do it just by reading the command on screen, since they live apart from their Masters) and Sir has successfully taught one of His previous subs to be able to do it. i guess it's one of those things which is possible for some people but not for everyone. But that still doesn't make me feel any better about it.
So today i am a bit of a failure.
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5 comments:
I'm sorry that you feel it is a failure. I hate that feeling.
12:18 PMWe want to give them everything that they want -- no matter how difficult.
the reality is -- we are all different.
you master is wise to end the training -- because you have done what he asked of you -- he asked you to maximize your potential -- to be everything that it is possible for you to be -- to work hard -- study -- focus -- and put his needs ahead of yours.
in that -- he must have believed you were successful. Or he would not have declared it finished.
so - instead -- I will congratulate you on doing your best
but will do so with a virtual hug -- because feeling a failure is always terrible.
sfp
orgasms - lots of them, fantastic super-human ones, cumming on command - i'm sure they all happen to real people in real life - but they are also so much the stuff of fiction and are built up into unrealistic ideals for so many people. Our bodies are all so so different. I hate that feeling that i let Him down too, so i do hope you are able to find peace with his decision.
6:13 PMI'm sorry you feel like a failure, but the fact that you have moved closer to such a command is better than most can do, so rejoice in that, and maybe in a few years y'all will return to that task, but for now you have maximized your potential. I wish I could also do this task but I have never been able to without stimulation.
7:23 PMI'm sorry to bring this up, and of course I, like everyone else, only see mere snippets of your life, but do you think your PND might be back? I've just noticed that a lot of your tweets have been about feeling a bit down and not knowing why recently, and now this post.
9:29 PMBest wishes in any case, whether it's something serious or you're just having an off day,
Bunny xx
thanks everyone for the support, i know my Sir doesn't see it as a failure because when He first collared me He told me all He'd ever want is that i should try my best with every task He gave me. "The effort is more importsnt than the outcome" is something which Sir often reminds me. But it's still difficult not to feel disappointed that i wasn't able to achieve this skill for Him. That's all i'm feeling though - sad and disappointed and a little tired too from caring for 3 kidlets under the age of 4. The PND is definitely not back, so don't worry!
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