a submissive's musings: July 2011

formspring.me #78

Have you ever tried electrosex?

Sir has used the violet want on me, which i found not as scary as i expected but in some places and with some attachments it was quite intense. Also He has one of those electric muscle stimulator packs which He has used on me before, which i find more humiliating than anything else because He uses it to make me clench my buttocks etc. Electrosex isn't something i am really into, but it's not a limit or anything either.

What about health concerns related to "cleaning" your Sir after anal use?

i've answered this question before. i keep myself clean back there and often do an extra clean before a session if i know Sir intends to use me anally, or sometimes He will instruct me to do this Himself. i know it can't eliminate all the hygiene concerns, but i've never found it to be a problem so far.

What is your favourite style of food?

i like Chinese, Indian, Thai, Italian, some Mexican but the best of all is British! You just can't beat a good toad in the hole, shepherd's pie, fish and chips or roast dinner :)

Ask me anything (250 characters)

BTW, i've still got some formspring questions which i am working my way through, thanks for your patience if i haven't answered yours yet.

To the lady who asked about pregnancy issues: #1. please don't ask a question and then send another message 4 hours later demanding that i answer you. i'm not some kind of computerised robot and i do have a life beyond this blog.

#2. your question got cut off because you exceeded the word limit, so i'm not sure what you're asking, beyond knowing it's something to do with being pregnant and a slave.

#3. please feel free to ask your question again either in the comments here or on formspring, keeping within the word limit, but please be a little more patient in waiting for a response - thanks.

When i first started going to the BDSM online chatrooms, Sir warned me that many people on there are not who they claim to be. i've come to find out just what He meant by that statement and how extensive the lying and deception can be, and to be honest it makes me sad. i've seen/ heard about people pretending to be the opposite gender or the opposite D/s persuasion (normally to get their rocks off when nobody will 'play' with them in their true identity, but sometimes with a more sinister intent such as to prey on people), people with multiple online nicks who do not own up to being all the same person (i even heard about someone's Mistress turning out to be the same person as her best subbie friend), people who are married or in a relationship in real-life who pretend not to be, people who pretend to be in a real-life D/s relationship who aren't really, people who pretend to have way more experience than they do, people who fool themselves and others that they are genuine lifestyles when really they just want a bit of naughty fun, people who lie about their appearance or age, people who make arrangements to meet others with no intention of ever showing up (sometimes people travel vast distances, spend loads of money on plane tickets, even pack up and move across the world to be with someone they think they're starting a real-life relationship with, only for the other person never to show up or contact them again), people who pretend to have done things in r/l that they never have (this becomes obvious when they have no regard for safety or when they describe scenes in an almost 'cartoon' like manner), people who are collared to multiple 'Masters' or who have multiple subs but don't tell each one about the others, and so on......

Some of the reasons for lying i kind of understand, though i still don't think it's a good idea. But some of the lies i just don't get - i guess it all boils down to fantasy and make believe; people don't have the life they want for whatever reason, so they invent it to make themselves feel better and to 'show off' to others and get admiration and attention. Which makes me feel sad for them and also for all those pulled into their lies who build up relationships with those people and genuinely believe they are who they say they are. When you make friends with someone online, get involved in their life, feel for them, spend time chatting with them and advising them and supporting them, then find out that none of what they said was real..... it makes you feel very angry and hurt and betrayed.

OK, rant over. Thanks for listening. (BTW please don't ask me why i bother going into online chats if these are the problems encountered, i've answered why i do it on other posts - thanks).

So, Monday is our 2nd wedding anniversary, but because of needing to make arrangements for my parents to babysit for all 3 kidlets, it worked out that it would be better for everyone if me and Sir celebrated it on Friday instead. Which is fine by us, the actual date doesn't matter so much as celebrating it does.

We went out to a lovely (posh) fish restaurant that Sir has taken me to a couple of times before and i wore a new dress that i'd had in the wardrobe for a while but not gotten to wear yet - teal blue, with thin straps, finishing a little above the knee. It looked very nice and i got lots of looks when we were walking through town to the restaurant! We had a lovely meal - i had smoked salmon for starter, followed by dressed crab for mains and we shared a fruit platter dessert as i was too full up by then! I also got to drink some (rose) wine for the first time in ages as i never drink at all when pregnant or breastfeeding (both boys have been fully weaned onto formula milk for a couple of weeks now). me and Sir were very relaxed, chatting freely and laughing lots about stuff (can't remember what now), and i wasn't worried about the children because i knew they were in good hands with my parents and they would ring if there was a problem.

Afterwards Sir told me we weren't going straight home, but he drove us to the woods near our house instead, for a 'walk'. Very nice i thought, but it became clear he had something in mind as he led me straight to a certain spot away from the main path, then told me to take my dress off! i was surprised and nervous but did as i was told and we had sex there in the woods, under the stars, which was very romantic and special. i wasn't as nervous about being caught as i've always thought i would be in a situation like that, mainly because i know nobody goes into those woods at night, we were hidden away from the path and i was with Sir and concentrating on other things!

So a very special anniversary celebration for us and i get to cross another item off my 101 list: have sex outdoors!

i have always found a certain freedom in being naked and have always been naked in certain situations (i used to sleep in the nude even before i met Sir and it became a requirement, for example, and i like to wander round the house with not many clothes on when it is hot in summer). i experience a lovely feeling of calmness and 'rightness' when able to be free in this way, dressed as nature intended me to be, and i very much doubt that i would be able to sleep well at all if i were to wear clothes in bed, especially after all this time (also the feeling of skin to skin contact with Sir or with one of the kidlets that this allows me is just so delicious).

Having said all that i am not an exhibitionist by any means and hate the thought of being seen naked by anyone except Sir (and the kidlets while they are little). i'm not one of those people who can be persuaded to flash my bits on a night out or join in 'mooning' passers by after a few drinks in the pub. i don't even get turned on by being naked in a semi-public place (like the woods) and the possibility of someone seeing me. But 'exhibitionism' and 'play outdoors' are part of my current and future training, so it's something that i'm gradually having to come to terms with. i know eventually Sir wants us to have sex outdoors, which makes me very nervous, but so far all my nudity has been confined to our back garden where there's very little chance of me being seen. It still feels somewhat freeing to be naked outside, as it does inside the house, but not as calming as i am much more nervous and hyper-aware of everything going on around me. It makes flogging interesting though, to be focusing on the pain and sensations of the flogger at the same time as looking and listening for any sign of anyone else coming.

On the subject of nakedness, it seems that Finn also appreciates the freedom of having a nakie bottom and has now worked out how to unpop the bottom of his romper suits and baby-gros so that he can pull his nappy off and be free! This is accompanied by much "glah"ing (Finn's sound that means he has achieved something extra messy or destructive or naughty), followed by much squealing as he toddles off attempting to evade my efforts to capture him and get at least a nappy back on before we have an accident on the floor to clean up. Now it's summer i guess i can let him be nakie in the garden (with plenty of sun block on), which might make him more co-operative in wearing a nappy and clothes in the house. But i still hope this is something he grows out of pretty quickly, otherwise i'm going to have to start potty-training super early with this little peanut! (William on the other hand doesn't particularly like being completely naked, but likes to have skin-to-skin contact when i snuggle with him).

Happy slave

i've been feeling really tired and run down and frazzled and frustrated recently. But today has made me feel better than i have in a long time, more like my old self and more 'at peace' with myself as a slave. Sir Mark came round to do my training and Sir was able to join in for some of it, as the twins were happily napping. Not going to go into too much detail, but it involved clover clamps and chains on my nipples, running over the high beam in the barn with weights on the other end, a spreader bar on my ankles and another just above my knees with lots of bottom and pussy flogging, 'Mr Knobbly' the long bumpy glass stick being pushed in and out of my bottom and a very floaty, dripping libby enduring all this whilst 2 male subbies watched.

Sometimes all i need is a good session to get me back on track, no matter what else might be happening in my life :)

As a sub, I've always been in intrigued by the idea that subs make the best Dom(me)s. What kind of Domme do you think you'd be?

i've heard that idea a lot too, mainly online in chatrooms and on blogs and stuff. i'm not sure that i really believe it, but it's hard to prove or refute or even to draw parallels from the vanilla world. It's not like saying 'those who have been children make the best parents' or 'those who have been employees make the best managers' because in those types of situations it is natural to be one before progressing to the other. i don't see that there's a natural progression from being submissive to being Dominant, in fact i see them as being opposite to each other and requiring a completely different internal nature. So to me, someone who is a good sub would make a poor Dom/me and vice-versa.

Having said that there are plenty of examples online, in chatrooms and on other blogs, of people who are switches (act in both Dom/me and sub roles as they desire) or who started off sub and then became Dom/me (or sometimes the other way round but not so often). So i know it does happen. It's just difficult for me to get my head round the fact that someone can have both sets of characteristics and both cravings/needs/desires within them to make a good sub and a good Dom/me. And i'm not at all sure that i agree that subs make the best Dom/mes. In my experience i find the best Dom/mes are those who have always had naturally Dominant characteristics within them that make them born leaders and do not possess an ounce of submissiveness. But then that's my view/experience, yours may well vary.

As for the question of what kind of Domme i would be, the answer is simple: a very poor one. i have no desire to order someone else around, to control them, to inflict pain on them, to make them carry out my every wish and desire, to deny them, to make them wait, to humiliate them, etc, etc. If ordered to Domme someone by my Sir i would try it, but think i would fail. And i could never imagine Domming my Sir, even if He told me to. It would just be so unnatural and unnerving.

Hope that answered your questions!

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You don't talk as much about Sir as you used to. Is this deliberate? Are you growing apart or are you now so used to one another that there isn't much to think over on this blog?

i hadn't realised to be honest. i think it's probably due to the fact that in the beginning there was only me and Sir and i was getting to know Him better, hence all the thoughtful posts about Him. Now we are married and know each other inside out it doesn't feel like there's anything new to write about Him, though that doesn't mean that i won't answer questions about Him from curious readers! We are definitely not growing apart, in fact if anything having our children has made us closer, but at the same time they have given me other things to write about (especially William) and they occupy my thoughts as well as Sir.

Now that the twins are getting closer to being a year old, do you think you and Sir Pete will have another baby? And if it is a possibility when will you start trying?
Sir and i always said that we would have 3 or 4 children, but ideally 4. That was before having William though, and to be honest i'm so busy with the twins at the moment that i don't think having another baby would be a very good idea for any of us right now. i just don't have the energy or time to devote to another little one in addition to dealing with a bright little 3 year old, a very energetic and boisterous 10 month old and another 10 month old with complex special needs. That's not to say that we've completely ruled out the idea of having another baby sometime in the future, but we both think it's a good idea to wait till the twins are older (maybe about 3) before we seriously consider the idea again.

Was having Poppy before being married planned? Or did it just happen?
Yes and no. For some reason i suddenly got very broody and desperately wanted a baby, so i talked to Sir about it and He agreed that we would start trying. At the same time He proposed to me, which was a lovely surprise as i wasn't expecting it, but since we agreed to wait 2 years before getting married in order to prepare for it properly and since i wanted a baby asap, we agreed to let nature take its course and if our baby came along before we were married then so be it! In the end i got pregnant very quickly, so Poppy was 14 months old when we got married and was able to toddle down the aisle behind me as my flower girl. i had to lie to my parents and pretend that Poppy was an 'accident' but everyone else i know was fine with us having her before we were married.

I think it's great that your family have been so helpful with your children. Why do Sir's family not do so to the same extent? Is it because of distance or is Sir's mum continuing to have problems?
Sir's mum seems to have worked through her initial problems with William's diagnosis and now treats him just as lovingly as she does Finn and Poppy. She visits us or we visit her about once a month, with the kidlets, so they have contact with their 'Granma' quite frequently, and of course we invite her round for their birthdays, Christmas, etc. It's true that my parents and my sister look after the children much more regularly than Sir's mum does, but that was the case before the twins were born when we just had Poppy. It's partly to do with the fact that she lives further away than my family do, partly because she is older than my parents and on her own, and partly because my family have expressed much more interest in weekly contact with my kids than she has. i certainly don't want to impose on her by asking her to look after the children regularly, and i get the feeling that she wouldn't want to nor would she feel comfortable doing so. But that's fine with me.

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