a submissive's musings: September 2011

Is this a good idea?

Sir wanted to take the kids to Disneyland (Paris) for Christmas this year, but i was reluctant thinking the boys are too young and William in particular may get stressed out from all of the noise and crowds. Also i felt that they would get more out of it and remember it better if we took them when they are older, perhaps if we wait until the boys are 3-4 and Poppy is 5-6.

But.... Sir says that we can take them now and take them again when they are older. So He has convinced me to go for New Year, after spending a quiet Christmas at home. Part of me is really exciting, knowing that Poppy will love it, Finn will be in his element and hoping that William will be stimulated by all of the music and lights and colours. But i am still a bit nervous it will be too much for him. i guess one of us can take William off for quieter activities if he gets overwhelmed whilst the other person stays with Poppy and Finn doing fun stuff with them, and we can switch round and take it in turns. And i'm really excited about all the shows and parades and the New Year's Eve celebrations, which i know will be just fantastic! We're staying 3 nights in one of the Disneyland hotels (the cowboy one) and have tickets for the park for 4 days and we've decided to travel on the Eurostar without our car as we can go right into the park itself and have no plans to go anywhere else whilst we're there.

i just hope that all the kids enjoy it and have a great time.

Some of you might already be aware that single-tail whips are a limit for me, after an incident that occured when Sir tried one out on me. Actually, not really an 'incident', just my extreme reaction to it for no apparent reason.

Since then Sir has stayed away from using any type of single-tail whip on me, though i know He has kept practising using them in order to maintain His skill level with them (which is pretty darn accurate, because i've watched Him a couple of times).

Then on our collaring anniversary celebration, once all 3 kidlets were out of the house and being looked after elsewhere, Sir took me out to the barn/dungeon and started a pretty intense session with me involving lots of bondage, torment with various implements, teasing, flogging, use of the hitachi, etc. until i was in a very floaty, meak, submissive, compliant state. And then He brought the single-tail out. i remember looking at it and not feeling at all nervous, more curious: "oh, look what He's got now" and standing there waiting for my fate. So Sir started using it on my titties because that's usually where i like to receive 'sting' rather than thud and i was absolutely fine with it. It did hurt a lot and it's a difficult pain to get on top of because it's a biting pain almost like a bee sting and the speed of it means it's hard to process one hit before the next one comes in a different place, but they're all close to each other. After some work on my titties Sir moved onto my thighs and made me yelp and jump alot, but i was securely bound to the St Andrews Cross, so couldn't go anywhere.

Things get really fuzzy in my mind after that point, but i do know that i was able to manage the experience of being whipped and not go into a panicky state like last time. i was focused on dealing with the pain and didn't get any of those feelings of worthlessness like before. i remember Sir finishing with the whip and coming over to me, stroking my body and telling me what a good girl i'd been, then He untied me and bent me over the spanking bench and took me from behind, and then i remember being back inside the house, snuggled on the sofa with Sir while He put some ointment on my whip marks.

i carried those marks round proudly for the best part of 2 weeks and felt really pleased with myself whenever i caught sight of them. It feels like i have managed to push through whatever difficulties i once had with single-tail whips and i am confident that i can have them used on me now without panicking. But to be safe Sir has decided that for the moment only He will use them, i am not to even consent to having one used on me in an online scene, and He will judge the 'right' moment carefully and keep an extra close eye on my reactions.

So it seems that some limits can be overcome, with time, patience and care. i don't even know why i had such a problem with whips in the first place and i guess i may never know but i'm glad that i've been able to move on in my submission and feel like it was a great collaring present to give to my Sir :)

Why don't you ever post pictures of you like?

For several reasons:
1. Because it's part of Sir's rules that i don't post or send any pictures of me to anyone online - this is His way of keeping me safe as He had a bad experience in the past with someone threatening to 'out' a former sub of His with photos she had sent in good faith.
2. To prevent us being 'outed' deliberately or inadvertantly to our friends, families, neighbours or work colleagues - once a photo is on the internet we no longer have any control over what is done with it or who sees it and as we both have no wish for our lifestyle to be made public among our vanilla acquaintances, we take steps to avoid it.
3. i don't really see the necessity in publishing photos of me, naked or otherwise - i think this blog is fine without photos and if anyone doesn't like it, there's plenty of free porn on the internet already.
4. i don't like the idea of complete strangers oogling over naked photos of me, so unless Sir demanded i post or send a photo (which i doubt He ever will, see #1) then it's not something i would choose to do.

Ask me anything (250 characters)

.... that's what it feels like i have at the moment, especially with BDSM or D/s or M/s thoughts and posts for this blog.

Usually i have a few posts on the go at any one time in my head, either about things i have experienced, progress in my training, difficulties i have found or my opinion on BDSM topics or articles i have read on other blogs. But at the moment i don't have any such half-written posts in my brain. Instead my head is filled with William medical things and where-the-heck-is-Finn-right-now-and-what-mischief-is-he-creating and keeping the house looking semi-decent and what next to teach Poppy to keep up with her incessant thirst for knowledge and what can i do to serve Sir in new ways and the Olympics next year and Christmas is approaching..... so there's no room left for BDSM thoughts and musings.

Or to put it another way, the BDSM-musing part of my brain is temporarily frozen whilst the other parts of my brain concentrate on managing each day as it comes. Soooooo, i'm asking for help from my loyal readers:
- what topics would you like me to cover here?
- what questions would you like me to answer?
- is there anything you want to know?
- what would you like to see my opinion or experiences on?

Leave ideas and questions in the comment box and hopefully i'll be able to unfreeze that part of my brain enough to start forming posts in my head once again until they're ready to be written here. In the meantime i'll try to do a couple of formspring posts, just to keep things ticking over!

Five years ago, on 2nd September 2006, i was collared by my Sir in a private ceremony in our barn - you can read about that day here.

Since then i have been trained and molded as His submissive and then as His slave, following several sets of rules which have been adapted to our changing circumstances, learning slave positions and undergoing lots of training. i have earnt a total of 22 charms for my achievements and passed a total of 30 elements of training so far. i have made many friends in the BDSM world online, through my blog and in the chatroom that i visit and have got to know several of Sir's Dom/me friends and their subs/slaves better. i have even been to some play parties, served naked at BDSM dinner parties and had sex outdoors, none of which i ever thought i would do!

Of course, lots has changed for me and Sir during those 5 years - we are now married with 3 children and we had one angel baby too, we have extended and improved our house to accommodate the needs of our family and upgraded our car. We also had to deal with being in a car accident, my post-natal depression, losing pets and extended family members and having a disabled son. But we have come through everything together, united and still very much in love, very much husband and wife and very much Master and slave.

i know just how lucky i am to have found the perfect Master for me and i am so grateful everyday for everything He does for me. Happy anniversary Sir!