November 12, 2012
i've finally figured out what others have probably known about me for a while: i am primarily a service-oriented slave/submissive. i have a deep desire, an inbuilt need, a natural characteristic to serve, help and please others. And so long as i am doing that and that others let me know that i have helped them and they are pleased with me, than i can be content. Even if there's not much of the other slave trappings in my life (play, pain, floggings, dungeons, parties, training, nakedness, kneeling, bondage, toys, etc), so long as i can still be of service to others, and in particular my Master most of all, then i am happy.
i don't know why it's taken me so long to figure this out. i guess i finally realised it on the BDSM chatroom the other day when i compared myself to the other subs in there and realised that my reason for being there was completely different to any of their's. They were there to have fun, to flirt, to scene, to be Dominated in a sexual way (cyber-sex), to get their kinks and fetishes fulfilled. i was there to chat with friends, to relax and to help. Infact helping is now my main role and reason for being in that chatroom - i am affectionately termed the 'helpslut' (but have also assigned myself 24 other 'jobs' within the channel), and love to help reinforce the rules of the room, assist new people, diffuse arguements and generally keep the room ticking over nicely. i love to receive praise for what i've done, not to show off to others as i'm quite happy for the praise to be private, but so that i know i've done my job well. And i also like to think that i am special in my role and that nobody else could perform it as well as me (though i doubt that last one is probably true!).
Being a service-oriented slave has its advantages as it means that my BDSM role can be more easily adapted to changes in life circumstances (such as having children) than a sex-oriented, play-oriented, pain-oriented, kink-oriented, etc. role would be able to. And it also means that i can 'serve' my Sir in public, around other people, in front of the kids, without others becoming suspicious. They just see us performing ultra-traditional roles of husband and wife.
Now that i've figured this out i'm going to think how i can extend my service to Sir, in all aspects of our lives. And how i can meet my service needs outside of my time with Sir, to make me more happy and content in general.