February 10, 2013

Struggling

Recently, and last week in particular, i have been struggling through each day and ending up feeling frazzled as a result of it. i think (and hope) it's just a combination of several bits of bad luck at once which have combined to make the past few weeks so difficult, but the worrying thing is that each week seems to be getting worse than the previous one. Last week however, was so difficult that i really and truly hope that's the end of it and i will have a good week next week to break the cycle. We'll see.......

Let's start with the boys. Finn has been going through a particularly tricky spell at the moment, where all of his more challenging behaviours have gone up a notch or two, resulting in quite a bit of damage to the house and contents and several aggressive outbursts involving myself, Sir, Poppy and William. To be honest, it is the aggression that worries me the most, especially when it is directed towards his siblings, and i was really upset to see him attack William because that's something he hasn't really done before and it is a big concern as William can't move around or fend him off so he is super vulnerable. At other times Finn is still the super sweet and loveable little rogue he always was and he still has a very caring and empathetic way of interacting with his twin. i just hope that side never disappears to be totally replaced by raging Finn. We're still waiting for his Statement to come through, or for our application to be rejected, so maybe we can get some more help then if the results are in our favour.

William has also had a tricky couple of weeks with regards to his temper tantrums and also his seizures. i don't know whether the two are related, because sometimes it seems that in the build up to a seizure he will be more cranky and easily agitated than normal. Some of the skills that we have been developing with William we just haven't seen during the past lot of therapy sessions, but again i hope that's temporary, due to his increased seizures, and they will reappear when he's feeling better. If there's no improvement in his seizures this week i'm going to take him to the doctor to ask to have his meds reassessed, because it could be that they're not working as effectively as they should or that he needs the dose increased. Once William's Statement comes through i'm going to start applying for a September place for him at a local special school and i really want the ABA therapy to be specified on the paperwork so that i know wherever he goes has to legally provide him with that, as i truly believe that is part of the reason he has done so well so far, as well as the input from the early intervention clinic (where he will continue to go until the age of 5).

Poppy is being her usual lovely, happy, bright self, but i can't help feeling guilty at the amount of time and energy i spend on the boys in comparison to her. i do make sure to set aside time when it's just me and Poppy doing activities, such as crafts and baking, but the rest of the time i feel that she gets a bit sidelined in the chaos of trying to deal with the needs of the twins and i worry about the effects that will have both on her self-esteem and her relationship with me. Sir helps out as much as He can when He's home, but even with the combined efforts of the two of us things can get out of control pretty quickly when both boys are being needy at once, and usually it would take both of us just to deal with one of them and keep the other safe, let alone try to do anything productive with Poppy at the same time. She never complains and she's so sweet with her brothers, but i can't help worrying that she will grow up resenting them for taking up all her mummy's time and attention.

Then we have Pickle - the newest addition to the family. Yes, Sir allowed me to get that cute baby rabbit i saw in the shop. And though i am happy He did because he is a super sweet little guy, the timing isn't great because it's hard to put in the amount of time needed to train him up when he's young at the moment when so much else is going on. i'm tending to just let him out for a hop round in the evenings when i'm using my laptop sat on the floor, hoping that will get him to trust me enough to proceed with other elements of training. But i wish i had time to do more with him. Maybe this week i will.

There you have it in a nutshell - the reason why i feel i am struggling rather than coping at the moment. Thanks for reading and thanks to one special person for the hug you sent me in an email - it helped more than you'll ever know.

6 comments:

mostly mouse said...

Just sending you a big hug...

We can just do what we can...but it really doesn't stop the guilt.

Hugs,
mouse

5:29 pm
JAY said...

Hi libby,

I've been a long time reader/lurker. I have always loved reading all your posts and I only wish you better weeks in the near future. I truly hope things will level out for you guys. Though I don't know you you seem like a wonderful mummy and I am sure Poppy will see that when she is older and love you even more for it. Sending positive thoughts your way.

6:11 am
Starshine said...

Just take it one day at a time...one moment at a time if you have to ...
Starshine

3:35 pm
descalza said...

It's interesting to read about a submissive woman with family :)

Encouragement from here, from Spain ;)

4:36 pm
wednesday child said...

hey libby, sorry to see you're having such a challenging time. i always see the strength that shines through in your posts, and although you're feeling frazzled,this one is no different. i hope things do get easier for you. sending love and strength. w

6:21 am
libby said...

thanks for the supportive words - last week was also difficult, though not as bad as the week before, but i'm feeling brighter now that it's the weekend and looking forward to spending lots of time with Poppy, the boys and the baby bunny next week as it's half-term holidays.

libby
xxxxx

9:53 am